


Claustrophobia ▌Bellamy Blake x oc

by beware_of_spooky_scoobs



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Love, The 100 (TV) Season 1, The 100 (TV) Season 2, The 100 (TV) Season 3, The 100 (TV) Season 4
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:54:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 61,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29945484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beware_of_spooky_scoobs/pseuds/beware_of_spooky_scoobs
Summary: There comes a time in life when you have to make decisions. Decisions about what you want to do in life. Who you want to 𝙗𝙚 in life. And who you want 𝙞𝙣 your life. For me the decision has always been easy; I want people who won't abandon me in life. Who won't leave me when things get tough.But things are different now. For starters, we're on earth. And it's scary and frightening but so fucking amazing at the same time. And she's down here with me. Everyone is. It's clear I can't escape my past. My demons will follow me wherever I go.Now, this is my decision. What I can do about it. I can keep running from them- which let's be honest here seems more appealing. Or, I can learn to live with them. Grow with them. It might take time but I think I'm ready. To at least start the journey into doing that.In which Raven Reyes twin sister "The Arks Most Dangerous Prisoner", finds lifelong companions and possibly even romance on the earth she thought she would never get to go to.Follow her on a journey to not only finding people to fit in her life, but 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	1. 𝔹𝕖𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕖 𝕨𝕖 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕥

Hello everyone! Just a couple of quick things before we start the story.

First and foremost, a trigger warning of course.

**If the following list of things might trigger you, I highly encourage you NOT to read this book, please.**

\- Mention of rape (no in-depth description of how it happened or anything, just her mental space after it happened and how it affected her further into life)

\- Sexual harassment(not a lot)

-Slightly toxic relationship though it gets better as the characters learn and grow

-death

-smut scenes(further into the book because this is a kinda slow burn)

**As I said, if any of these might trigger you, please, PLEASE don't read this fanfic, I value your mental health I don't want anyone to be triggered.**

(Also, when I say toxic relationship I mean stuff like trying to control the other person because of their own insecurities and stuff. They do learn to get past this though, you'll see. Before you automatically judge my book based on this, please give it a try, I think it might be different than the way I put it because I dont know how to explain it all too well.)

Next an important detail, I started writing this book somewhat a long time ago, and my writing has improved a lot since then, so I decided to go and rewrite the chapters of this book. If the title has one of these next to it-

✅

\- then that means I have fully rewritten it. 

I am still in the process of writing and rewriting this book. I plan on making it a slow burn and I want it to continue through like the 1-4th seasons of the 100. 

NOTICE- THIS STORY WAS ALSO PUBLISHED ON WATTPAD UNDER THE SAME USERNAME. BOTH WORKS ARE MINE AND I DO NOT GIVE ANYONE PERMISSION TO COPY THEM AND OR STEAL THEM. THANKS

**And finally,**

**the last thing I have to say is**

**\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

~🆂🆃🅰🆁🆁🅸🅽🅶 🅿🅷🅾🅴🅱🅴 🆃🅾🅽🅺🅸🅽~

Pheobe Tonkin as Lori Reyes <3

**\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Lol, so of course I encourage you all to imagine whoever you want to imagine as Lori. I just thought that Pheobe Tonkin was perfect for the role.**

And without further ado... 

I present you all...


	2. ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟙- 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝟙𝟘𝟘 ✅

I realized that I didn't put a picture of what her outfit looked like so here it is-

And instead of the boots in the picture it is these boots-


	3. ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟙- 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝟙𝟘𝟘 ✅

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 𝐐𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞.
> 
> 𝐋𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐑𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬- 𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐢❜𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧❜𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫
> 
> 𝐑𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐑𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬- 𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐢❜𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫
> 
> 𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐢 𝐑𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬- 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝟐𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫
> 
> 𝐌𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥- 𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐢❜𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧❜𝐬 𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫
> 
> 𝐀𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐥- 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐞❜𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐦 (𝐀𝐛𝐛𝐲)

**Song for this chapter- _Paper Planes by M.I.A_**

When Lori Reyes was born it was not as heartwarming as one might think. The sight of her newborn body did **_not_** strike joy throughout everyone's hearts.

Matter of fact, when Lori Reyes was born, almost everyone in the room cried.

Not because they didn't want Lori. But because they couldn't _have_ Lori.

The only person in the cold dark secluded room that was fairly happy to see Lori was her mother - Lauren Reyes.

Lauren Reyes was 23 at the time she got pregnant. She was as happy as a mother could be, knowing that her child would be born into a society that had strict rules and would float people into space if they broke them.

But, Lauren Reyes soon knew something was wrong when she felt _two_ sets of legs in her stomach kick instead of one.

When she went to her designated doctor (Abigail Griffin) she was told that everything would go as planned. She would only have one daughter. Her name would be Raven Reyes.

And it's true. Lauren did have a daughter named Raven Reyes. But, she also had one named Lori Reyes.

Twins.

Lauren Reyes had twins on a floating spaceship that had a strict rule of only one child per person.

And therein lies the problem.

That's why, when Lori Reyes was born, nobody cried tears of Joy. Nobody laughed or smiled. Nobody uttered a word. The only sound audible in the room was the sound of the newborn babies, Raven and Lori crying out for attention.

But then came a sound. Perhaps the most beautiful sound in the room.

"She's gorgeous." Lauren Reyes said through the silent room, holding her new baby, Lori Reyes in her arms with a smile on her face.

Nobody knew why Lauren was _happy_ to see her second-born twin. They just knew that perhaps if given the chance, Lauren Reyes would make the most amazing mother to the twins ever.

So there, in a secluded room on the ark was a mother holding her twin daughters proudly with a smile on her face.

That smile would haunt everyone's dreams forever.

Because 5 years later Lauren Reyes, the proud mother of the set of twins, was floated into space.

Lori had been hiding under the floor for the last 5 years, seemingly going unnoticed.

That is, until Abigail Griffin, the Mothers doctor, the one who helped birth Lori and Raven, told the ark about the 5-year-old Lori, hiding under the floor.

That night, 5 guards marched down to the room in which Lauren Reyes, Raven Reyes, and Lori Reyes were assigned.

Perhaps a normal night to everyone else in the ark was the worst night of all for the three of them.

They came into the room and ripped the door to the secret underground compartment off to find a trembling Lori.

Lori and Raven screamed as the guards tore their mother away from their arms.

But the worst thing about the whole situation was the fact that Lauren Reyes knew this would happen. She knew that she couldn't get away with hiding the other twin forever. So she cared for Lori all that she could throughout those 5 years. She felt bad that she had not paid enough attention to Raven but she knew what would happen when those guards came and took her away. She knew that Lori Reyes would blame herself for all of eternity for the fact that her mother was floated. So she spent as much time with her as she could to make up for it.

Because of that, Lauren Reyes failed to notice that her other daughter, Raven Reyes, firstborn twin, hated her. Raven Reyes hated her mother for the fact that she never paid as much attention to her as she did to Lori. So Raven found a new mother. A surrogate mother. Abigail Griffin.

But little did Raven know, Abigail Griffin was the reason the ark found out about Lori in the first place. Abigail Griffin was the reason Raven and Lori's mother was floated.

When Lori was born, Abigail Griffin was the doctor that helped deliver her.

When Abigail Griffin saw the smile on the new mother's face as she looked at her second-born twin Lori, she felt it in her heart to help keep this a secret.

And so for 5 years Abigail never told anyone about the secret child she helped deliver that was hiding under the floor. Lori didn't even have a name for those 5 years.

But then something changed. Nobody knew what, but something did. And Abigail Griffin told the secret that she had been keeping for five years straight.

And so Lauren Reyes was floated into space without a second thought. Lori Reyes was separated from her twin sister Raven Reyes and put into the skybox like a prisoner. And Raven Reyes found refuge with Abigail.

Where's the father you might ask? The father of the twins, Lori and Raven was a guard named Micheal. Micheal was a very very high up guard. He was friends with the Chancellor and so on.

Micheal rarely ever spoke to the twins. It was almost like he didn't believe they were actually his.

When word got around that the woman he had impregnated was floated, that's when he seemingly became interested in his daughter's lives.

Raven full-on rejected her father. She hated her family, and that included Micheal.

Whereas Lori clung to her father like a monkey. Lori believed that Micheal was the only family she truly had at that point. And she was so afraid of losing him that she refused to see the bad in him.

Lori was named Lori after her late mother Lauren. Despite the fact that Lori knew her mother's death wasn't necessarily her fault, she still felt guilty. So she carried the name proudly.

And while it might seem that Lori Reyes might have gotten an easier life, because of the fact that her mother cared for her more than she cared for Raven. That was simply untrue.

Because when you're put into the skybox at age five and treated like a prisoner, you start acting like a prisoner. And you spend hours thinking. And hours turn into days, days turn into nights, and nights turn into weeks. And you spend those weeks thinking. Grieving. But most of all you yearn for the things that used to make you happy.

Lori Reyes could name a few things that used to make her happy. Simple things.

Like when her mother or Raven would read her books or tell her stories. Or when she would get to come out of the box she lived in under the floor even if it was only for a short period of time. Or when her mother would sing her to sleep.

But over the years of thinking about these memories, they became plagued with the foul emotion of grief. Grief for the family that could have been.

If it wasnt for the stupid rule then maybe her family could have worked out.

But instead, it was split apart by lies, death, and fate.

And so Lori stopped caring. She stopped caring about what would happen if she broke any of the arks rules.

She _wanted_ to break the ark's rules.

She hated the ark for what it did to her family. And she hated the fact that because she was born her mother died and Raven was led into false beliefs, and that she was forced to live in a metal box for the rest of her life until she eventually faced the same fate as her mother and was floated into space like a piece of junk.

So she did. She broke almost every rule imaginable. And through that, she found a family. She found a safe-ish place.

She met Monty and Jasper when she was 5 and they were all fast friends.

They all vowed to have the best time they could while awaiting their inevitable death.

Throughout the years she grew up with them and became the girl she is today.

For the day Lori Reyes was born was the day "the arks most dangerous prisoner" was born.

This is her story.

**1st person pov-**

My hands seemed to absentmindedly float down to the necklace hanging off my neck longingly without my permission, turning it around in circles but not yet opening it to reveal the picture inside. Something I usually did when I was bored or sad. A bad habit perhaps? More like an annoying habit. I couldn't stop thinking about her, even 12 years later when the rest of the world has.

"Are you thinking about her again?" Jasper, my best friend in the whole entire world, and cellmate asked from the bed above me, seeing as we had bunk beds. Sometimes I wondered if he could read my mind.

"How'd you know?" I asked, my voice barely loud enough to be heard despite the fact that the metal walls tended to make our voices echo.

The bed squeaked above as he moved to lean over it, his head now poking out from the top to look down at my lying position.

"I could hear you playing with your locket. You only do that when you think about her." He revealed.

I sighed, dropping my locket back onto my chest to give him a lazy smirk.

"You know me too well Jasper Jordan," My fingers twirled around the locket yet again, the chains getting tangled between my knuckles as if it didn't want to let go. And maybe it didn't.

He smiled at me as if to brighten the mood but it never reached his eyes, and that's how I knew what _he_ was thinking about.

"Get down here Jordan," I said to him. His smile dropped to reveal a frown as he jumped down from his bed and swang himself onto mine. It was cramped because of the fact that they only gave us twin-sized beds but we made it work. 

"I'm going to be okay, you know that right? It won't hurt when they float me." I comforted softly. 

He stared off into space quite literally as if he were in a different world. It hurt to know that in a week it would be just him in this cell. Alone. Either that or he would be placed with someone else. A new inmate. The latter was more likely. And with the rate of new prisoners having increased over the last 2 years I highly doubted the idea that Jasper would be alone. But if I knew him- which I did, he'd feel alone without me here, _even if_ he shared a cell with someone new. I wish I knew how to make him _not_ feel that way but I didn't. 

"Are you scared?" he asked, eventually after being quiet for quite some time.

"What?" I pretended not to have heard for the sake of not answering such an intimidating question, but of course, he asked again.

He looked at me and I half expected to see a taunting smile or something like that. But all I saw were his teary eyes.

"Are you scared?" He repeated.

I paused for a second staring at him with a serious expression to match his.

"Yes." I surprised myself by saying. I haven't admitted to being scared of _anything_ in the past at least 6 years. I met him when I was 5 though I'm 17 now.

Fear was not a foreign emotion to me. I just preferred not to express it as much. I liked to be in control. And fear made me feel the opposite.

He pulled me into a hug immediately as if he were scared too and I began to feel even worse than I already did for my soon to be death.

"You've got Monty, Jasper it will be okay," I reassured him.

He sniffled in a cry.

"Will you even get to say goodbye to him before it happens?" Jasper asked, his voice trembling slightly. 

"Monty knows I love him. You'll say goodbye for me, okay?" I reasoned, trying my best not to cry myself. 

Monty was my other best friend- although not as close to me as Jasper. I honestly wouldn't know what to say if presented with the opportunity to say goodbye to him before I die. It would be easier this way.

Jasper kissed my head softly, a gesture that might have seemed romantic for anyone else but was normal for us as he was practically like family. Something we've been doing for years.

"It'll be okay Lori," Jasper whispered solemnly, and although his sentence was meant for me I couldn't help but feel like he was trying to make himself believe what he was saying too.

"I know," I whispered back.

A single tear slid down my eye thinking about not ever being able to see my best friends again. They were my life. Quite literally for the majority of my life, I've only ever had them. They were what I considered to be my lifelong companions but sadly the term "lifelong" wasn't actually that long for a juvenile teenager here on the ark. And now it was time for me to face my inevitable death which was in exactly 1 week from now.

That's when the familiar sound of metal sliding across more metal, sounded through my cell. It rang through my ears as if it were a bell and finally when the door completely opened, I saw two guards standing there, guns and tasers in hand with the usual emotionless expression.

"Prisoner 0159, and prisoner 0758 please calmly exit the bed and get on your knees with your hands behind your back." One of the guards gruffed out through what seemed to be gritted teeth.

I looked at Jasper who had a puffy red face as if he had been crying more than I had and I decided that it'd be better for him if I just complied with these guards calmly. Jasper always hated when I made a big deal out of things, and so although I had no clue what was going on right now, I decided to not cause a scene like I usually did.

Me and Jasper both got off the bed and immediately they grabbed us both pushing us down on our knees harshly. 

" _Watch it asshole_." I spat, immediately annoyed at the way they were handling us. They did know I could probably grab their guns and shoot them right here and now right?

Jasper seemed to see something in their hands before I did because he was now looking at something to the side of me. Something that the guard was holding.

Something told me that this was more than just an annual id check.

"Hey, hey, hey, what is that?" Jasper spoke up and I watched as the guard handling him pulled out a plastic syringe. Inside was some sort of green liquid that made my stomach turn.

"Don't you even dare-" I started to protest out of fear from the liquid but then they stuck it into our necks and every single question and thought in my head faded away.

Every instinct in my body told me to kick my guard in the balls, rescue Jasper, and run outside and away from whatever they planned on doing to us but as I felt the needle stick into my neck, and I looked at Jaspers weary face all I could think about was how calm I felt.

His face slowly started to blur in front of me like I was about to pass out. Maybe I was.

I really hoped this wasn't the last time I saw his face.

"I will kill everyone on this ship if you don't let me go." Was all I was able to say through my translucent state of mind before my eyes rolled to the back of my head and I completely passed out feeling the click of metal on my wrist in the form of a sharp pinch.

. . .

When I woke up, my vision seemed to be playing tricks on me, because I could see at least 30 people all around me, looking around like they were just as confused as I was. My head was throbbing as I searched for any familiar faces, my eyes slowly landing on Jasper's chocolate brown ones.

"boo!" He shouted at me as my vision finally came to its senses and I was able to see his face clearly. He seemed to be laughing at my clearly confused state of mind and I wondered if he knew what was going on.

"Hey, you little shit." I smiled at him, despite my confusion. At least I wasn't dead...yet?

My eyes met multiple other peoples around me, but none seemed to have a grip on why we were here. On what seemed to be a _dropship_. 

Now, I don't know many things about how the ark's systems work and shit like that but I'm pretty damn sure that _dropships_ are what they use to send people to _earth_. You know, the great big giant ball in the sky that society destroyed 300 years ago. Mother _fucking_ nature.

I searched for the secret knife I usually kept hidden in my pants only to realize that it was gone. They took it. Now, how the hell was I supposed to escape? 

I don't want to be sent to earth. I don't want to die. _This is completely against my rights as a human being!_

Grunting, I used all the force I was capable of to try and break free of the ties that bound me to this metal _death_ ship.

"There's no use. Trust me I already tried." I heard Jasper say from the side of me. He seemed to be fine with this surprisingly. Like he wasn't worried about the fact that they were sending loads of _teenagers_ to the ground so they could _die_.

I whispered a plethora of profanities under my breath but nonetheless stopped trying to get out. 

"I think we're being sent back to earth," Jasper concluded, looking around the room with that goofy expression of his. I almost laughed at his state of chillness with the whole situation if I myself _weren't in the fucking situation._

"Figured" I breathed, pounding my head against the wall behind me

" _Let me out_." I groaned in a monotonous voice, continuing to throw the back of my head against the wall.

The ark had been giving us earth skills for the past few years. I never understood why at the time but now I know. They had been planning on sending us to earth this whole time.

I let out an exasperated sigh.

"We should've known. Why else would they be giving us earth skills classes." I said with a groan. Luckily I paid attention in those classes. Unluckily I probably wasn't going to able to use the information I learned from them because we were most likely going to DIE. The earth wasn't supposed to be inhabitable for another 100-200 years. 

I spotted Clarke griffin on the other side of the ship next to Wells. Great at least I knew she was going to die with me.

I smirked at her when she looked my way. She scowled.

Apparently not very many people knew that Clarke Griffin's mom (Abigail Griffin) was the reason my mom was floated. She told the ark about the fact that I was being hidden under the floor.

And at first, I didn't hate Clarke for it, matter of fact we were actually friends until I found out that Clarke was just as much of a dick as her mom was. So now I guess I'm just wondering why the hell she was _here_. Clarke Griffin might be a dick, but she was no convict that's for sure.

"Are you alright?" Jasper asked from beside me, his expression going suddenly serious.

"They're so fucking sick," I mumbled closing my eyes and leaning my head back on the wall, not really giving him an exact answer. I guess they really are floating me.

Things seemed to get worse from there because suddenly The tv was now turned on and chancellor Jaha appeared on-screen causing yet _another_ stream of profanities to escape my lips.

"Prisoners of the ark hear me now. You've been given a second chance, and as your chancellor, it is my hope that you see this not just a chance for you but a chance for all of us. Indeed for mankind itself. We have no idea what is waiting for you down there. If the odds of survival were better we would have sent others. Frankly, we're sending you because your crimes have made you expendable." Jaha says in a sort of unbothered way.

If he hated us, he could have just said it. Geesh.

"Your dad's a dick, Wells!" I heard a random boy shout. I chuckled slightly agreeing with his statement.

"Those crimes will be forgiven, your records wiped clean," Jaha said it as if that would make everything that _they're_ doing be forgiven. As if they weren't strapping us to a ship against our will and sending us to die.

"Not if we die," I whisper to Jasper. His expression barely faltered. We all knew how fucked up the ark is so I don't think this was really that big of a surprise.

"The drop site has been chosen carefully before the last war Mount Weather was a military base built within a mountain. It was to be stocked with enough nonperishables to sustain 300 people for two years. " Jaha said.

I looked over at a guy with brown hair who had taken off his seatbelt and was now floating around the ship. People cheered him on as he did all sorts of flips in the air calling him spacewalker. It was fun to watch but at the same time what would happen when we landed? Well, I guess it didn't matter all too much because we were going to die either way. At least he was having fun before it happened.

He stopped in front of Clarke and Wells saying something to them that I couldn't quite hear. Two other guys started to unbuckle their seatbelts as well and I could visibly see Clarkes face tense up, even though she already seemed mad at this spacewalker dude that looked...faintly familiar to me now that I think about it.

"Hey you two, stay put if you want to live!" Clarke yelled at them bossily. They obviously didn't listen and instead started floating around the place just like spacewalker.

Jaha went on about how we needed to stay in mount weather or something because that's where the food was. Fuck him. I don't think he really cared whether we lived or died. Because if he did then he wouldn't be sending us on a suicide mission.

Suddenly the dropship started to go faster and more out of control. I looked at Jasper who was already looking at me. This was the end for us.

The ship went haywire and we were now being jostled in our seat. I closed my eyes tightly and grabbed onto Jasper's hand. At least we would die together. Although I did wonder where Monty was. He squeezed my hand reassuringly, seeming to know what I was thinking. A chorus of worried screams filled the dropship as we flew through space. I opened my left eye to see what happened. The guys that were floating around had landed hard in the ship hitting their heads.

It was hard to look at them. They were definitely dead.

I held on even more tightly to Jasper's hand. There was a possibility that we would make it out alive. But I don't know how great it was now that the ship was taking its own course of action. Plus if this didn't kill us then the air down there would.

My other hand reached up to my mother's necklace as If to get good luck. I know what she would tell me right now. Probably something along the lines of "stay strong honey. You can do this." I would have just scoffed at her and rolled my eyes. But now I feel a strange sense of hope.

The ship lights started turning on and off and I said a little prayer in my head. One for safe passage when we die.

I braced myself for impact and took deep breaths. And then I felt it. The lights of the ship slowly started to turn off, the usual hum now gone, replaced with complete silence.

We had landed. Wholly shit we survived that.

But my stomach lurched as I remembered what was waiting for me outside.

I somehow felt like dying in the ship would have been better than dying out there.

Jaha's words played over and over again in my head. " **If the odds of survival were better we would have sent others"**

_Please don't be hell. Please don't be hell._


	4. ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟚- 𝕄𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥 𝕎𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣 ✅

**Song for this chapter- _Dreams by Fleetwood Mac_**

I surveyed the faces around me out of habit counting the number of people along with everything that had happened to these people.

32 people in total on this level of the dropship.

2 had died.

8 had thrown up.

2 are throwing up as we speak.

15 are crying.

And the rest are just confused.

I tore off my seatbelt and began helping Jasper out of his, turning around when I heard a familiar sound.

"Are you guys alright?" Monty's voice infiltrated my ears.

I immediately turned around, running into his arms with a relieved sigh.

"Oh my god Monty, I was scared they didn't send you down with us." I breathed heavily into his ear, now pulling back from the hug so I could get a good look at his appearance. The last time I saw him was exactly one year ago because me and Jasper had moved Cells from Walden to Arcadia. He hasn't grown taller much but he did seem to be growing a few baby hairs on his soon-to-be mustache which made me almost smile.

"It's good to see you guys too." Monty tried to say through the squeezing force of Jasper's hug.

" _God it's so good to see you_ , it was getting annoying having to take care of her all by myself. She's quite the handful you know?" Jasper joked, pointing towards me teasingly.

I scoffed but nonetheless joined in on their smiles.

Though our happiness was short-lived because soon enough the one and only Clarke Griffin had to ruin it. How perfectly typical.

"Finn! Are you alright?" Clarke spoke, loudly drawing everyone's attention as she ran towards the distraught boy.

He quickly regained his composure from the fall though and instead was now looking at the two boys that had decided to mirror his actions during our landing.

"Yeah, _but I can't say the same for them_." Finn breathed, running a hand through his hair with a sigh.

My eyes drifted over to the two bodies on the ground, and I immediately tensed up. Dead bodies weren't something that I was foreign to. But still, I felt weak at the sight of them.

"The outer door is on the lower level! Let's go!" Someone shouted, breaking us from our fixated stares on the two corpses. My stomach tied further into knots at the revelation. Just because I knew I was going to die doesn't mean I wanted to or wasn't scared of it.

"No, we can't just open the door!" Clarke yelled, immediately starting to run down the ladder and towards the 1st level of the dropship.

I groaned slightly, me, Jasper, Monty, and Finn following her in pursuit.

We hurried down, our labored breaths not helping much for our mobility. Though we were used to it. On the ark, we _always_ took labored breaths. There was never enough oxygen up there for the thousand people on the ark. And as prisoners, we also always got the lower end of the stick.

Finally, we dropped to the floor of the lower level, only to see way more than just _thirty-two_ people like I originally thought there was. No. There were at least 99 juvenile delinquents here, all gathered around the same thing. 

They seemed to be gathering around _someone_ rather than _something_. But I couldn't tell who. 

I brushed myself off and pushed through the people in the crowd trying to get to the front where I knew the door would be. Let's just get our deaths over with, please. 

"Hey just back it up, guys." The guy that I realized was standing in front of the door began pushing people back from the exit calmly. 

His eyes met mine and I immediately felt my breath hitch at the sudden wave of De Ja Vu that hit me.

His eyebrow twitched up slightly, the corner of his mouth tugging upwards into what _might have_ been a smile although it disappeared quickly at the sound of Clarke's voice.

"Stop!" I heard Clarke shout out. And just like that, his eyes pulled away from mine and I could breathe again.

People moved out of Clarke's way as she made her way over to where we were and I felt my eyes slant into a glare. She ignored me, continuing to stare at the guy.

"The air could be toxic." She breathed, finally reaching where we were standing.

The guy seemed to scoff as he looked down at her due to their height difference.

"If the airs toxic, we're all dead anyway," The words came out of my mouth before I had a chance to think about drawing attention to myself, but I didn't regret them. The crowd nodded their head approvingly which only made me smirk.

But Clarke only looked at me as if she finally noticed I was there which quickly wiped the smirk off my face. Who does she think she is? After what she's said to me in the past, I have every right to not like her. If we did manage to survive all the radiation that was out there then I was going to make it a goal to annoy Clarke the whole entire time, because I'm _petty_ like that.

I watched from behind Monty and Jasper as Clarke and the guy at the front stared each other down with glares both equally matching each other's level of stubbornness.

"Bellamy?" A small voice echoed from the back of the dropship. The crowd pushed open to reveal a girl with long brown hair running straight towards the guy at the front which I'm assuming was named Bellamy. 

"My God, look how big you are." He smiled as she walked up to him looking just as relieved to see her as I did Monty, if not more.

"That's the girl that hid under the floor," Monty whispered into my ear. Hid under the floor? Like me?

She paused in front of Bellamy still taking in the sight of him and I assumed she hadn't seen him in a while. The ark had quite the terrible habit of pulling people apart.

I again looked at the dark-headed boy in front of me trying to piece together where I knew him from. He seemed kinda familiar although I'm not sure from where.

But then when I looked down at the uniform he was wearing, I knew that wherever I had met him from, it probably wasn't a good encounter. A guard's uniform. _That's_ most likely where I had seen him. I probably stabbed one of his friends or something. They don't call me the ark's most dangerous prisoner for nothing. Although I'm sure none of the people _here_ know that. _He_ probably didn't know that.

Who I am. 

They just know that I'm Lori Reyes. And to them, I seem harmless. 

The only two people that know who I am here is Jasper and Monty. But I could trust them. 

The two siblings embraced into a tight hug but I paid no attention, my eyes now wandering around the dropship as if I would find _my_ sibling. But of course, she wasn't here. She wasn't a criminal unlike me. To be honest I don't even know if I want her down here. We didn't exactly get along. Not since she chose Abby Griffin over me. Not since she chose Clarke and her stupid little boyfriend over me. Finn Collins, I think his name was.

"What the hell are you wearing? A guard's uniform!?" The girl's voice changed to an accusatory sort of tone as she looked down at the blue vest Bellamy wore. The _gun_ on his belt, that was just barely noticeable, though my eyes were trained to look for that sort of thing. My interest sparked.

"I borrowed it to get on the dropship. _Someone has got to keep an eye on you_." Bellamy half-smiled at her. She barreled into him again for another hug as if one wasn't enough, which it probably wasn't.

I guess my previous theory on stabbing one of his guard friends is out of the question then if he's not even a guard. But why does he have a gun? Who is this guy?

"Where's your wristband?" Clarke's incessant voice ruined their wholesome moment. That's honestly so Clarke-like of her.

" _Do you mind?_ I haven't seen my brother in a year." The brown-headed girl snapped. Another smirk crept atop my face at the sight of an embarrassed Clarke. She's a feisty little thing, isn't she?

"No one has a brother!" Someone suddenly shouted.

"That's Octavia Blake! The girl they found hidden under the floor!" A woman yelled.

At that, the smirk fell off my face, replaced with a worried expression to match my inner thoughts. What if they knew who _I_ was? What would they do if they found out that I was _the_ ark's most dangerous prisoner? _A murder_.

The minor sense of worry I felt quickly went away though when I saw Octavia suddenly lunge forward and towards the girl that had shouted about her.

Bellamy grabbed her by the torso just barely quick enough to avoid a full-on fistfight, and I felt grateful that I had chosen not to be the one standing in front of Octavia. Maybe feisty was an understatement.

"Octavia! Octavia No!" Bellamy yelled, turning her around to face him hastily.

"Let's give them something else to remember you by," Bellamy offered, the faintest of smiles tugging at his lips. 

"Yeah like, what?" Octavia asked.

"Like being the first person on the ground in 300 years," Bellamy revealed.

Octavia smiled back at him excitedly, seemingly ready to be the first one to see if we die or not. After that, I bet we'll all start dropping like flies.

My body went rigid when Bellamy placed his hand atop the lever to the exit. It would be idiotic of me to ignore the science of all of this. Earth shouldn't be habitable. Not now. We still have at least 100 more years if not more. 

And if we didn't die of the radiation, then we'd have to survive. Which would mean finding food, setting up camp, overcoming illnesses that our bodies definitely haven't been exposed to, and finding water. 

It's not exactly like we had _planned_ on this happening.

With all of that in mind, the idea of dying in radiation seemed more appealing.

My hand reached out to grab Jasper and Montys to which they grabbed mine just as tightly and before I knew it Bellamy had pulled down the lever causing an immediate chill to run up my spine.

The first thing I felt was cold. Like a winter frost nipping at my skin, though it wasn't even winter.

Then I opened my eyes which I had shut closed when Bellamy had pulled down the lever, to see the blinding light of the sun illuminating the area in front of us. What seemed like nothing at first quickly changed into something gorgeous.

Because suddenly we could hear the wind in the trees. And see the sun shining on the lovely green grass. It was like a scene from a movie. Or a painting. It was just as beautiful if not more beautiful than what I had imagined it to be. No picture or painting could do this justice.

Everyone went quiet as Octavia drew in a fresh breath of air.

I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding. Then in return, the fresh cool air of the earth seeped into my lungs filling me with joy. It wasn't like on the ark where the air had a twang of metallicalness to it. Down here it was fresh. It was a blank slate. No one down here was going to float me when I turned 18 in a week. If the air was toxic it sure as hell wasn't noticeable.

Jasper's squeeze of my hand said enough for the both of us because honestly there _were no words_ to describe our euphoria.

Octavia slowly stepped forward, still taking in the sight. And then in a matter of seconds, she had her two feet planted on the ground.

"WE'RE BACK BITCHES!" Octavia yelled happily. The words left her mouth and for once everyone seemed happy, momentarily forgetting about our fear of it before. The crowd yelled happily in response, now running out of the dropship like wild animals, including me.

My feet landed on the soil, causing little specks of dirt to fly up into the air and fall back on the ground, and if I looked closely enough I could even see tiny tiny flowers covering the ground like grass themselves. I smiled at the sight. For once in my life, I didn't have that overwhelming feeling of anxiety in the back of my mind suffocating me like a blanket was thrown over my head. For once the blanket had been thrown off.

I crouched down to the ground picking up the dirt in my hands. It seeped through my fingers like a glass of water and I let out a relieved laugh.

Then in a matter of seconds, Jasper had taken my dirt-filled hand, pulling me up with him into a hug in which my feet had been pulled off the ground. We then- all 99 of us- started to cheer. It was a weird sort of cheer.

One that said victory. After 300 years of being up in the sky, 300 years of having to survive off of paste, 300 years of pure death and hopelessness, we were finally back on our home planet. And that was simply beautiful.

It was enough to make us completely forget about the fact that we could be slowly dying due to radiation poisoning.

"This is absolutely insane!" My voice was rough from having been cheering for so long.

"300 years and we're finally back!" Jasper yelled, swooping me up into yet another spinning hug. I laughed as he spun me around, praying to god that this wasnt short-lived. That we weren't gonna die in minutes.

Seeing the smile on Jaspers face for the first time since we were probably kids- _and I mean a real smile_ \- gave me the hope I needed to believe this might be a fresh start for us. As long as the ark doesn't come down here, we could enjoy our freedom.

I turned around once Jasper had put me down, to see Monty walking towards us, a toothy smile on his face as well and I took no hesitation in barreling into him for an embrace that probably crushed every one of his bones, though he didn't seem to care.

It didn't take long for Jasper to join in as well for one _long_ overdue group hug. 

"I can't believe it. _We're not dead_." Monty laughed slightly at the thought and I pulled away from the hug so I could hit him playfully on the shoulder.

" _Of course we aren't_. We can't die on our first day on the ground can we now?" I joked.

For a minute I just stood there, smiling at the sight of Jaspers arm around Monty's shoulder, the both of them together for the first time in over a year. _All of us together for the first time in over a year._

Monty's eye suddenly caught a blonde-headed girl from across the way who seemed to be walking alone, and I instantly recognized the cheeky look on his face.

"Oooooo who you looking a Monty?" Jasper mocked, searching around for the person Monty's eyes wouldn't seem to leave.

"A girl." I laughed at the sight of Jasper's eyes growing wide before he looked back at Monty with a shit-eating grin.

"Oooooooo. Monty, you _know_ a _girl_?" Jasper joked, shoving Monty on the shoulder, which caused Monty to shove him back just as hard.

"Shut up," Monty mumbled, trying to hide the soft blush now forming on his cheeks.

I laughed for a second before looking back at the girl questioningly. She seemed shy as she looked around our area, her hands fumbling around with one another as if she didn't know where to put them. The perfect kind of girl for Monty.

"Well, what the hell are you waiting for? _Go get the girl_!" Jasper pushed Monty forward, causing the girl in question to look our way and I tried to stifle the laugh creeping into my chest at the sight of Monty's embarrassed wave.

" _I hate yall_ " Monty whispered playfully before he walked away from us and towards the blonde, probably now thinking of ways he could start a conversation with her.

"He _so_ loves us," Jasper smirked, putting his hand around my shoulder while stepping beside me to look at Monty nervously walking away.

I shoved his shoulder off rolling my eyes slightly. Boys will be boys.

"How long do you think it'll be before he embarrasses himself so much that she walks away?" Jasper continued to playfully mock Monty behind his back and I scoffed.

"I give him 2 or 3 minutes. Maybe even 5 if he remembers what we've taught him about flirting with girls." he laughed.

" _That's it_ , get over here you little shit!" I yelled, swiveling around to chase Jasper who had already begun to run off and away from me mischievously.

"You'll never get me!" He yelled, laughing as he sprinted his way around the rest of the juvenile delinquents who seemed to be slightly annoyed at the scene we were causing, though I didn't care.

"You wanna bet?" smirking, I sprinted faster than before to catch up to the dorky long-legged boy, enjoying the endless amount of room we had to run around in and not get scolded.

I caught up to him easily though not the way I expected, because I soon found myself on the ground behind him after running into his back. 

"Sorry," Jasper immediately turned around from where he had stopped in his tracks, to help pull me up.

"Yeah yeah, it's alright," I replied slowly wiping the dirt off my clothes.

_Wiping the dirt off my clothes. Never thought I'd be doing that._

My eyes searched the land around us, eventually falling on _another_ blonde, except this time it was one I _much_ rather would not have seen. Another boy I recognized to be Wells stood beside her, which seemed to be something Clarke did not enjoy judging by the way she was completely ignoring him.

Before I even had the chance to stop him, Jasper was starting to walk up to them clumsily, his goggles falling slightly to the side of his face.

"Ah, cool. A map. They got a bar in this town, I'll buy you a beer?" Jasper flirted which despite my hatred for the girl, did indeed make me laugh. 

Clarke's eyes snapped towards me at the noise glaringly, causing me to laugh harder.

It wasnt until Wells's hands landed on Jasper's shoulders, pushing him back with a force that was enough to make him fall, did I stop laughing.

"Do you mind?" Wells spoke through gritted teeth.

Jasper flew backward and I just barely was able to grab him and pull him up before he hit the ground.

"Hey, keep your hands off him you dipshit," I stepped in front of Jasper protectively, much to Wells's distaste.

"Hey, hey, hey, hands off him he's with us." Another boy's voice infiltrated my ears immediately making the situation much worse than it had to be. My head swiveled around to see none other than John Murphy standing smugly with what seemed to be a group of 4 or so boys standing behind him. What, so just minutes on the ground and already people have split up into their own groups?

Now, I have only had a few encounters with the smug boy and I'll admit none of them have been good. He once stole a week's worst of paste from our cafeteria, just so he could pour it all over some girl's head who had broken up with him previous to the situation. He's a loser honestly but that doesn't make him any less annoying.

"We're just trying to figure out where we are," Wells stood his ground bravely, and for a second I really did notice the resemblance between him in his father. If it weren't for the fact that Wells was much younger and way more immature then I would have even said he was an exact carbon copy.

"We're on the ground that's not good enough for you?" Bellamy asked, suddenly stepping into the conversation with Octavia from out of nowhere. Well, this got big quick.

"We need to find Mount Weather. You heard my father's message _that has to be our first priority_." Wells looked towards Bellamy now, still apparently not seeing everyone's problem, even as a group of angry-looking people started forming around us.

"Screw your father!" I shouted, surprising Jasper who was now standing beside me. I had to get these people to like me. I had to blend in if I didn't want them to figure out who I really was.

"You think you're in charge here? You and your little princess?" Octavia finished my thought, casting a sly smile in my direction, which to her not-knowing, only just helped me further blend in.

" _Do you think we care whos in charge_? We need to get to Mount weather. Not because the chancellor said so but because the longer we wait, the hungrier we'll get, and the harder this will be. How long do you think we'll last without those supplies? Were looking at a 20-mile trek ok? So if we wanna get there before dark then we have to leave _now_!" Clarke took charge, which took me aback for a solid .3 seconds before I regained my composure. Clarke never had been one to talk a lot, but I knew that when she did, it was always something to pay attention to. Something important. 

Although don't get me wrong- a _lot_ of _un_ important things came out of her mouth. Stupid things. Things that made you question her sanity really. But this one wasn't one I was about to risk. Her parents _were_ scientists after all. Not that that made her more important than the rest of us, but just something to take into account.

And then I thought for a second that I understood where she was coming from. We did have to survive. And we needed food to do that. Food that's inside a mountain 20 fucking miles away from here. We didn't get here just to starve to death.

"I've got a better idea. You two go. Find it for us. _Let the privileged do the hard work for a change._ " Bellamy suddenly yelled, which definitely put him in the crowd's favor, because then everyone else was cheering in agreement as well. 

"You're not listening. We all need to go!" Wells shouted, desperately trying to persuade the crowd. But they weren't listening. To caught up in the politics of it all to even give it a further glance.

What a bunch of fucking idiots.

I'm sorry. Really I am.

But why on earth are we debating whether or not we should go get _food_. They're acting as if this is a question. No. This is a goddam statement. We will _starve_ to death if we don't get food. And if me of all people- someone that hates Clarke with my life- is willing to walk 20 miles with her for this, then there should be no reason why they wouldn't be able to as well. 

Utter chaos erupted in the crowd and as I watched each and every one of them, I realized that we were now facing the problem that I thought would happen earlier of actually surviving. 

_This_ is why you don't send 100 _juvenile teenagers_ to _earth_ without supervision. Not that I wanted anyone else from the ark down here with us, but what I'm saying is they should've sent _adults_.

I was pulled out of my thoughts though when out of nowhere Wells's body came lurching forward caused by Murphy pushing him in the heat of the moment.

"Look at this everybody. _The chancellor of the earth_." Murphy sneered, sizing Wells up as if he thought he could really take him on. The crowd erupted in laughter but I just stayed still, watching to see if Wells would stand up for himself or not.

"Think that's funny?" Wells huffed, turning around to face Murphy with a furious glare. My eyebrow raised at Wells's comment, glad that he at least had the guts to put Murphy in his place.

But just as I thought Murphy would back down, he had actually pushed Wells forward again, causing a large _cracking_ noise to fill my ears. I shut my eyes tightly at the sound, before opening them again to see that his ankle was _definitely_ broken. 

Monty gasped from beside me at the sight of Wells on the ground, clutching his bent ankle tightly in an attempt to ease his pain, and I too even felt bad for the guy. 

Clarke tried running after Well's but Murphy's group held her back, which seemed to only make Wells angrier.

" _No,_ _but that was,_ " Murphy smiled in response to Wells's pain, and I couldn't help the sudden urge to want to save him. I always was one to root for the underdog. And at first, I thought it was Murphy- not that I would have wanted him to win. But it's obvious I was wrong. At least I am now that Wells has a broken bone.

Wells got up and stood in a fighting position- despite the pain in his leg, egging Murphy on like he still thought he could win. But we all knew he wouldn't. Couldn't. 

The crowd erupted in a mix of cheers and laughter, seemingly enjoying the new show as if being on the ground wasn't enough for them to be entertained with. I might be a criminal but I'm not _sadistic_.

Geesh.

"Hey stop! He's had enough all right?" I suddenly stepped in, hoping that I was making the right decision in defending Wells.

I wasn't trying to start a fight, especially because I couldn't draw attention to myself around these people. Once they figured out who I was then everything would erupt in even more chaos. But I had to be on everyone's good side. Or at least try. I won't get on someone's bad side until they give me a reason to. And other than Wells being friends with Clarke, then I really saw nothing utterly _wrong_ with him. 

Choosing to ignore the fact that Wells had been hostile with Jasper minutes ago, I stared Murphy down. 

Murphy turned around to face me, a glare in his eye that made me feel sick to my stomach, but I continued despite the fact that I probably should have stopped.

"You think I'm scared of you and your little _schoolboys_?" The mock left my lips and I instantly regretted it. But too late now. 

Despite the sort of fear I felt in my chest under Murphy's gaze, I let a devilish smirk play at my lips, hoping that it made Murphy feel underestimated. 

" _I don't need your help, Lori_." Wells suddenly spoke up again, but as I looked back at him I realized it was just because he didn't want Murphy to literally try and beat me up. We both knew he would. I don't think Murphy cares whether I'm a girl or not, that sick bastard.

I gave Murphy one last glare but backed away nonetheless, sort of glad Wells excused me from the situation. I shouldn't have said anything anyway. Speaking up towards a crowd full of people against Murphy- someone who the majority here favors- is _not_ the way to lie low.

Murphy scoffed at me as if I were pathetic before turning back around to face Wells, which made me roll my eyes. Men really think they're all that. Little does _he_ know I've killed about half a dozen men, _twice_ his size. If that doesn't tell you much about who I am then I don't know what should.

Murphy urged Wells to fight, taunting him with his hands as if he were going in for another punch. Both fear and temptation flash through Wells's eyes at the sight of Murphy's cocky expression, still putting on a brave facade through the pain I just _knew_ he felt in his ankle.

I for one was already getting bored with the whole situation. This is so petty. Do people here actually care about whether or not Murphy and his little band of dingbats can beat up Wells- the kid with a broken ankle. Shit like this happened all the time on the ark, so often in fact that the guards had to move more people than I can count to different districts. And I thought that people would have been bored of it by now. But it only seems to have gotten even _more_ interesting for them.

I was almost about to walk away from the situation when suddenly someone _jumped_ in from the _sky._ I was concerned at first until I realised the "someone" was actually spacewalker. _Protecting Wells._

A hush fell over the crowd at the sight of spacewalker standing between the two of them, and a slightly relieved sigh escaped my lips. I didn't really feel like watching Murphy beat the shit out of Wells today. There's no telling how far he would've gone. 

Murphy looked at Spacewalker like he was an alien, the color slowly draining from his face as his eyes scanned the boy's muscles. Rather _large_ muscles that is.

It was funny seeing someone so cocky with such a big ego such as Murphy, get totally humiliated in front of everyone. He was a bully after all and I'd say that the majority of us have never actually had really pleasant interactions with him.

"Kids got one leg. How bout you wait till it's a fair fight?" Spacewalker's confident voice sounded funny in comparison to Murphys squeaky one, and I even heard a couple of snickers throughout the crowd, towards Murphy of course.

A couple of seconds went by before eventually, just as I suspected would happen, Murphy slowly backed away, the rest of his group following him like lost puppies. 

"Hey, spacewalker!" Octavia's voice suddenly called out. He turned around to look at her seductive stance, meanwhile, both Clarke _and_ Bellamy went rigid.

"Rescue me next." She flirted. Spacewalker seemed to smile at her before he too walked off towards Clarke and Wells, the both of them looking quite stunned.

"What? He's cute." I overheard Octavia say to her brother who was not so subtly glaring at Finn, though he didn't seem to care.

"He's a criminal," Bellamy whispered as if it were a secret.

" _They're **all** criminals_." She rolled her eyes. She and Bellamy continued to talk about something that seemed pretty serious but I wasn't about to eavesdrop, already searching around for Jasper or Monty, only to see them both standing next to each other by a tree.

I immediately ran towards the both of them with a slap on their backs, which caught them off guard.

"Hey losers," I smirked as they both looked my way glaringly.

"Hey dipshit," Jasper responded in an equally as playful tone, part of the reason why we were such great friends.

Monty only smiled, shaking his head lightly at our foolishness.

"So that was pretty intense huh?" Monty asked, an amused look on his face.

"Yeah, more annoying than anything really. We just got to the ground and already have gotten into an almost fight." I took in a deep breath replaying the past several moments in my mind before slapping my hands back on their shoulders again.

"But I'm glad that you guys are here with me, I really am," I gushed. They both slightly laughed as I said this, only because they knew how much of a non-emotional person I was. I much rather preferred not to outright show affection towards most people but I needed them to know this. 

"Yeah us too. _We gotta stick together, all right_? None of us can die. We work as a team." Jasper's voice changed to a motivating tone as he looked at us and I nodded my head. I wouldn't let them die. They were my friends- no I take that back my _best_ friends. My family. I wouldn't know what to do if either of them died. But I sure as hell wasn't going to let that happen and find out.

"Affirmative," Monty assured.

"Wouldnt want it any other way," I said at the same time.

Jasper smiled and we stood together like that for a moment, talking about random shit that really had no importance, though I was just glad to be speaking to them at all. I hadn't realized I missed our random talks so much until we were actually having them again.

Eventually, though we got bored of where we were standing, beginning to walk off and towards a rather large walk to sit on. That was until I saw Spacewalker, Wells, and Clarke with a map in their hands pointing towards the woods, immediately knowing what they were discussing.

"Lori, wait! Where are you going!" Monty and Jasper called from behind me but I was already running towards the group determinedly.

"And what the hell do you think you're doing?" Clarke asked me as I walked into their conversation, slightly out of breath.

"Coming with yall to wherever the hell you're going obviously," I smirked at her red face, snatching the map from her hands to get a better look. She wasn't lying when she said a 20-mile trek. To be honest it was a little bit of a sugarcoat. Twenty miles was starting to look an awful lot like _thirty_.

"No offense, but I never knew you as the type of person to want to _help_ people Lori." Clarke snorted, an attitude to her voice, probably expecting some sort of reaction out of me. But I was completely unaffected, still looking at the map I took from her hands.

"Yeah well someone has got to get shit done Clarke. And _no offense_ but you've never been one to know how to do that. So why dont you leave the work to the people who have actually had responsibility their whole lives." I retorted, looking up from the map to see a flustered expression on her face, which made me smirk.

I could tell she was about to say something else but Jasper and Monty caught up to us before she could, much to her distaste.

"Great, make that 5 of us, can we go now?" Spacewalker rolled his eyes as Jasper and Monty stepped by my side, having absolutely no clue what was going on.

"Sounds like a party. Make it six." Octavia suddenly ran in to join us, though based on the glance she threw towards spacewalker it was obvious what her real motives were.

" _Well, I dont mean to be a bore_ but do we really need all these pe-" Clarke began to object, but her protest were useless because soon enough everyone had a clue as to what we were doing, and we were all on board with it.

Were going to Mount Weather bitches.


	5. ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟛- 𝕁𝕒𝕤𝕡𝕖𝕣❜𝕤 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕖 ✅

**Song for this chapter- _Trouble by Cage the Elephant_**

I looked towards Jasper and Monty for some sort of approval to which they both just shrugged. What else were we supposed to do? Just sit here and wait to die of starvation?

Well, I suppose that _is_ an option but it's not an option that I personally want to take, nor do I think any of us want to take judging by the determined look that was on each of our faces.

We began to walk off towards the green forest, excitement bubbling inside our brains when _his_ voice stopped us.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" Bellamy's strong voice made us pause in our tracks, but it appeared he was mainly talking to Octavia based on the hand he had wrapped around her shoulder, though she didn't budge. She didn't even look at him. 

"Going for a walk." She replied nonchalantly.

I smirked at Bellamy's annoyed expression glad to see some other kind of entertainment going on around here. But the glare he cast towards my smirk for some reason made me stop altogether.

"Hey, were you trying to take this off?" Clarke out of nowhere started to move towards Spacewalker's metal bracelet thing. She picked it up examining the pieces he had failed to tear off completely with an angry expression on her face.

"Yeah, so?" Spacewalker continued.

"So these wristbands transmit your vital signs to the ark. Take it off and they'll think your dead." She stated bossily, though I could sense the urgency in her voice.

I rolled my eyes resisting the urge to start tearing my wristband off. In a way, I think it might be better if the ark thought I was dead. Then maybe it would be easier for me to leave before they even got down here. _If_ they were coming down here. Everything was up for questioning at this point. I mean who knows, _they could've just sent us down here for the hell of it_. Free up a couple more oxygen tanks _and_ get rid of the annoying kids- did done deal!

But one things for certain, if they _do_ end up coming down here, you'll bet your ass I'll be gone before they even set foot on the dirt. Because unlike the rest of the juveniles around me, I have _murdered_ \- _eleven_ people. Eleven bodies with _my name_ under their "cause of death" line. 

So basically my plan is _genius_. No one would question my absence if I decided to leave before they even came down. _For god's sake, they probably wouldn't even look for me_.

"Should I care?" Spacewalker raised his brows, seemingly challenging her statement which was weird considering I thought they had a thing for each other.

" _Well, I don't know_ , do you want the people you love to think your _dead_?" She asked bluntly. 

I winced at her words, my mind immediately going to Raven and my father, Micheal. 

"Do you want them to follow you down here in two months? Because they won't if they think we're dying." Clarke continued her outburst, her hands moving up and down to fit her urgency. 

So then they _are_ coming down to earth?

I saw Bellamy's face light up at her statement, and I wondered what he was thinking. Something mischievous by the way he smirked.

I ignored it though, wondering why the hell it was so important to Clarke that the ark come down here. I mean yeah, most of us missed our family too, but what about this situation, in particular, was so dire? Why would I want to drag the only family I had left up there, down here into for all we know, a radiation-filled zone that could be killing us slowly with each breath we took?

There's literally no reason I could think of to bring them down. Matter of fact, I'd rather _everyone_ on the ark, stay up there forever. I never wanted to see any of their cold-blooded faces again. And although my heart ached for the little family I had left up there, I knew that it would be better for them anyway if they stayed there where it was safe, and me down here with the rest of these delinquents.

I've done some... bad, bad things. Like...murder eleven people in a fit of rage kind of bad things -not that I killed them all at the same time. Each one of their deaths meant something meaningful to me, but still, it doesn't change the fact that I did it. 

The people up there _hate_ me is my point. And all this crap about "our crimes being forgiven" or some shit is complete and utter _bullshit_. Maybe everyone else in this camp would be forgiven but not me.

The minute they come down here I knew they'd shoot me. And I would do anything in my power to stop that from happening. Beginning with making sure that they didn't even come down here in the first place.

"Ok, now let's go," Clarke finally finished her whole lecture, and I was surprised to see that Bellamy had now let go of Octavia.

I took a deep breath now starting to lead the group down the light pathway, Jasper and Monty right on my heels like always.

"Before you get any ideas, Finn is mine." I heard Octavia say to Clarke as we started walking.

"Before you get any ideas, I don't care." Clarke fired back.

My eyes drifted over the messy brown-haired boy curiously. Did she just call him Finn?

The name hit a nerve somewhere in my chest, and an old memory briefly crossed my mind.

Finn Collins.

Raven Reyes's boyfriend...

I looked up at Finn again, this time with a glare.

**. . .**

We had been walking for some time now and my feet were starting to hurt. I wasn't used to walking so much, let alone over hills and rocky pathways. 

On the ark, the most I would walk was from my cell to the cafeteria and then back to my cell, unless there was a special occasion like unity day. And even then it was never too much of a walk. So being down here felt especially hard on my legs, as I'm sure it did with the others as well.

I was now falling towards the back of the group with Octavia, Finn, Jasper, and Monty hoping that we got there soon.

Occasionally we would stop to admire the foreign landscape that we had only ever heard about in stories with wide eyes. The sight of living trees alone was enough to make us freeze in our tracks and gawk a few times out of sheer amazement. But our awe was always short-lived due to Clarke's incessant need to keep walking. Which I got, but still, we're the first people to be on earth in 300 or so years. What's the point of being here if we cant at least admire the view?

Finn and Octavia paused once more to look at the vibrant shade of purple flowers that surrounded our path, and I could sense the flirtatiousness coming a mile away. I remember in earth skills they told us something about vibrant colorful things being poisonous. Were these flowers subject to that group?

Finn took the flower and pulled Octavia's hair back setting the flower behind her ear wholesomely, and would have smiled if not for the sort of nagging feeling in my stomach.

"Now that my friend is game." I heard Jasper say from behind me. A snort escaped my lips, now remembering exactly what that plant was. 

" _That, my friend_ is poison sumac," A smile finally made its way to my lips.

I chuckled as Octavias face grew red and she ran her hands through her hair hastily trying to get the tiny flower out as if it were about to kill her right on the spot.

"What?! It is?" Octavia asked, still pulling the purple flower from her head meanwhile Finn stood there worriedly.

"The flowers arent poisonous, there medicinal. Calming actually." I reassured, throwing the flower to the side.

I grinned at Octavia who just flipped me off playfully before going back to batting her eyelashes at Finn.

I wonder what her brother would say if he saw Finn give that Flower to her? Probably nothing nice.

"Wow, who knew Lori paid attention to earth skills," Jasper suddenly appeared to the right of me, poking my side in a joking manner. I laughed happily plucking another flower from the bush and twirling it in my hands.

"It was something to do," I mumbled.

There wasn't a whole lot to do on the ark, so it was just interesting to learn about the earth. A place I never thought I would go. A place I only heard in stories. But here I am.

And maybe I should be happy. Actually, for the most part, I do feel happy. But every time a leaf crunched beneath my feet, or the sun burned my face, or I saw a beautiful flower-like just now, all I could think about was my broken family.

My mom especially. Every single day when it was time to go to sleep, either she or Raven would tell me a story through the metal that I hid in under the floor. Stories about the earth. About how pirates used to travel all around the globe, never satisfied with what they had. About how glamorous people used to live in the enchanted cities of New York, or Los Angeles.

My mother was _so certain_ that earth was a magical place. She would have loved to be here with me. With Raven. Happy.

But now I'm here pretty much alone if you don't count Monty and Jasper. And I don't really think she'd like me now anyways. After all, who would be happy knowing that their daughter grew up into a murder?Not her. My mom wasn't like that. She was gentle, caring, and could never even hold a knife if she tried. Much less plunge it into the heart of an innocent victim- not that any of my victims were innocent. 

"Hey, guys! Would you try to keep up!" Clarke shouted from further ahead, pulling me from my dark web of thoughts. 

I rolled my eyes.

"Cmon Clarke. How do you block all this out?" Finn asked as he approached her, his arms held out as if to hug the entire forest.

She turned around to face us with a stern look on her face.

"Well it's simple, I wonder 'why haven't we seen any animals?'" maybe it's because _there are none_. _Maybe_ we've already been exposed to enough radiation to kill us. Sure is pretty though. Cmon." She spoke through gritted teeth before turning back around sharply, expecting us to follow suit.

Everyone grew quiet at her outburst, taking in what she had said thoughtfully.

" _Someone should slip her some poison sumac,_ " Octavia's sarcastic voice broke the silence, immediately lifting the mood. 

I grinned at her unable to control the growing fondness I had for the brown-haired girl. She doesn't seem _too_ bad.

I sighed.

"Clarke why do you have to be such a demmy downer," grunting, I couldn't help but try and piss the blonde off more.

"Because we're trying to survive Lori! Lifes not gonna be all sunshine and rainbows, _especially not down here_." Clarke yelled at me.

"Yeah, life's a _real_ party down here on earth with _you_ ," I fired back, glaring at the back of her head. If only she knew how much I hated her. And _why_ I hated her. Because then maybe she'd hate herself too.

After that, pretty much no one spoke, too afraid to say something that might upset the already annoyed Clarke.

But eventually, the silence grew too loud for our ears that were always used to hearing noise. On the ark, there was always noise. Even when no one was talking, you could always hear the background noise of the arks metal walls buzzing with the electricity that kept it from dying. 

"I gotta know what you three did to get busted," Finn suddenly said, his head swiveling back around to look at me, Jasper and Monty.

If only he knew who I was...

I mean, technically they all know who I am they just don't know what I look like or my actual name. On the ark, they called me "the ark's most dangerous prisoner". Which I was. But no one ever really knew if I was just a myth or not because the ark almost never let me interact with anyone. No one ever knew that "the ark's most dangerous prisoner" was actually Lori Reyes.

"Sumac is not the only herb in the garden if you know what I mean," Monty grinned sheepishly. 

"Someone forgot to replace what we took," Jasper glanced at Monty with a not-so-subtle glare and I couldn't help but chuckle. 

" _Someone_ has apologized like 1000 times," Monty fired back in response. I got in between the two of them linking our elbows together with a teasing smirk.

"Oh, you two stop bickering I don't wanna have to hear it all the way to Mount Weather," I exaggerated.

They both huffed at me despite the fact I knew they weren't _really_ mad at each other. Again, boys will be boys.

"What about you Lori? What'd they get you for?" Finn turned around to face me, now walking backward and through the forest which probably wasn't the brightest idea considering all of the branches and such that littered the ground. 

My heartbeat very subtly sped up at his question trying to rack up anything toosay. I couldn't exactly tell them who I was. I mean _I could,_ but unless I had a death wish then why would I want to.

"Being born," I decided to respond with the simplest answer, before immediately running ahead and towards where Clarke was staring at something in the grass before they could ask any more questions.

I crouched down next to her searching for whatever she was staring at. But then I saw it.

A deer.

An _actual living deer_. It was eating grass unaware of our presence, meanwhile, I was _fully_ aware of its presence. Of the way it breathed slowly as if it somehow knew that it was safe from predators. Of the way, it munched of the grass beneath its feet, as it and all of its ancestors had been doing for years.

If only Ma were here to see this now...

Finn, Octavia, Monty, and Jasper came up behind us quietly and I put my finger to my mouth pointing to the wonderful creature. "No animals huh?" Finn asked Clarke, a jubilant smile on both of their faces. 

They made the same face I had made when they saw it. I still couldn't believe it was alive. It's not every day you see a living, breathing, deer. But today's full of surprises I guess. Though I do wonder what the next surprise will be.

My wonder was soon answered when Finn stepped further towards the deer and accidentally snapped a branch beneath his foot.

I watched in horror as the deer turned its face to us. And what I saw was absolutely terrifying. Like the kind of shit, you see in your nightmares kind of terrifying.

It had _two heads_ , both of them split in the middle by raw skin. I would have screamed if not for the hand that Jasper had suddenly shoved over my mouth to stop me from doing so. It's times like these when I wonder if he was capable of reading my mind.

He slowly removed his hand once it appeared I had calmed down, but only because the deer had run away, somehow being afraid of _us_ when it looked like _that_. _We_ should be the ones afraid of, _it_.

We all got up, looking around at each other in silence, none of us having the answers to the plethora of questions brimming our heads. 

"Okay, what the fuck was that?" I broke the silence bluntly not having the willpower to keep my mouth shut.

They just stared back at me, as equally confused as I was at the sight of the 2 headed monstrosity.

I sighed when even more seconds passed by and no one had said anything, beginning to pick my backpack off of the floor.

"Alright, well cmon we still have about 5 more miles," I huffed, starting to walk off again despite the gut-twisting feeling deep in my stomach.

They all paused for a moment from behind me, each looking from me to each other in question. But soon enough I heard their footsteps continue to follow me through the depths of the green forest.

**. . .**

"Hey, you know what I'd like to know?" Finn asked as we walked down a steep hill. But he didn't wait for our answer.

"Why send us down today after 300 years? What changed?" Finn continued.

"Who cares? I'm just glad they did. I woke up rotting in a _cell_ with my death planned just a week from today and now I'm walking in a _forest_." I grinned, turning around and walking backward with my hands out gesturing to the vast landscape around us.

Octavia smiled at me agreeingly before her eyes then made their way to Finn's, very noticeably trying to get his attention. But he just walked right past her, instead staring at the irritated Clarke ahead of us.

Really? Out of all people he like _Clarke_? 

_I'm sorry but if I were him I'd go straight for Octavia._ I mean, Clarke doesn't even look that interested in him! And I'm pretty sure that even if Clarke were capable of being in a committed romantic relationship, Finn would lose interest quicker than you can say "love". 

"Maybe they found something on a satellite? You know like an old weather satellite or-" Monty started, but was rudely cut off.

"It wasn't a satellite. The ark is dying." Clarke grumbled, continuing to walk like she hadn't just dropped the biggest bomb ever. We all stopped in our tracks to look at her, our jaws practically hanging on the floor.

"At the current population level, there's roughly 3 months left of life support. Maybe 4 now that we're gone." Clarke spoke again, rather coldly.

Me, Jasper, and Monty exchanged confused looks, not quite knowing what to think of the new information.

"So that was the secret they locked you up to keep, why they kept you in solitary, floated your old man?" Finn suddenly asked, running to catch up to Clarke as if she had him on a leash. 

_Manwhore._

I knew who he _really was_. I knew all about his secret little lover up on the floating spaceship we spent our _entire_ lives on. I'm just surprised Clarke didn't know. I mean, weren't she and raven like... _friends_?

Anyways I was decided about my opinions on him, other than the belief that he was a manwhore, I also felt the need to yell at him whenever I saw his face. I was mad. Disturbed. A long time ago, back when things with Raven were coming to a close, Raven had chosen Finn over me. She chose her boyfriend over her twin sister. But I can't think about that now.

Because right now we just found out that the thousands of people on the ark, all are going to die in 3 months. And if they don't want to die then, well, they have to get down here before then.

"My father was the engineer who discovered the flaw. He thought people had the right to know. The council disagreed, my... mother disagreed. They were afraid it would cause a panic. We were gonna go public anyways when Wells..." She trailed off, a look of pain flashing through her eyes, before going away just as quickly as it had come.

"What? Turned your dad in?" Finn took no hesitation in saying the words bluntly.

Also a lie. Clarke's mother turned her dad in. Not Wells. The mere thought of that whole situation had me utterly infuriated because of everything that happened in regards to that situation in the past. That's something that I had tried to tell Clarke about before we became enemies. The fact that her mother turned not only _my_ mother in but also her father. She never listened to me though. Which is why we're where we are now in terms of our relationship with one another. Moral of the story? Clark's mom is a bitch. And the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

"Anyways, the guards showed up before we could. _That's why today_. That's why it was worth the risk. Even if we all die at least they bought themselves more time." Clarke said, a distant edge to her tone. She acts as if she's used to it. As if this kind of thing happens every week. But it doesn't. Thousands of people are going to die. And the only way to stop it is to have them come down here. Something that I felt conflicted about.

"They're gonna kill more people, _aren't they_?" Monty asked worriedly.

Clarke didn't respond, which meant yes in Clarke land.

After that, there was a long pause of silence, the group still trying to take in the tragic news. My mind told me no. they shouldn't be allowed to come down here. And to be honest, a part of my heart did too. They broke me up there. Failed me and my family. But do they deserve to die for it? Is that justice? Will that satisfy me?

"Good. After what they did to me, I say float them all." Octavia broke the silence, walking up beside me rather happily considering what she had just said. She held out her hand for me to fistbump which I did give in to. A part of what she had said did resonate with me. And, who could resist a fist bump?

"You don't mean that," Jasper sighed as he watched me and Octavia exchange smiles.

He then wrapped his arms around my shoulders pulling me in for a short hug as we walked, obviously trying to guide me away from the girl he thought was a bad influence on me, though I'm about 50% sure that he had a crush on her.

We continued to walk down the rocky trail towards mount weather, before stopping when we heard the sound of running water. A creek. 

_Oh, thank god_. Water. My throat let out a small hum of anticipation at the sound of it, my eyes already searching the area around me for the small body of water.

My eyes soon landed on Octavia who was _by_ the water, ridding her body of her clothes so she could jump in. 

It was only then did I realize the idiotic grin that was plastered on Jasper's face as he stood beside me making googley eyes at Octavia's half-naked body.

"Oh damn, I love the earth," He practically moaned.

I jabbed him in the shoulder as he said this, making him glare at me.

"Ow! What was that for?" Jasper clutched his shoulder exaggeratedly, watching as I made my way up to the creek that Octavia was standing by, wanting to get a closer look at the water myself.

"Octavia what the hell are you doing!" Clarke yelled after her. But it appeared Octavia didnt hear her because in a manner of seconds she had surprised everyone by jumping in the creek and out of our eyesight completely.

My stomach dropped when I remembered the reason why Clarke was so worried. We can't swim. We were raised on a fucking spaceship for god's sake, you think we would remember that kind of thing.

I raced to the edge of the creek looking for the young girl, an overwhelming feeling of anxiety tugging at my brain. If she dies.... no, don't even think about that Lori.

When my eyes landed on the brown-haired girl's eyes a relieved chuckle escaped my lips. She was right there, looking up at the lot of us with a mischievous smile etched onto her face.

"Octavia! _We can't swim_!" Jasper called out to her once he saw her squatting position in the water.

"I know, _but we can stand_ ," The words left her mouth in a seductive sort of tone as she looked up at Jasper, possibly already having forgotten about Finn. She then stood up fully to reveal that she had been standing the whole time. _That little trickster_.

Laughs erupted from Clarke's mouth which brought another smile to my face. I almost forgot what it sounded like when Clarke laughed, it's been so long. It honestly made me kind of sad.

I tore my eyes away from Clarke quickly though, not wanting to dwell on the bad when there was so much good right in front of me. Octavia looked like she was having so much fun, part of me wanted to jump in with her. But I didn't want to get my clothes all wet when we still had a long way to go. I would be trudging up the mountains with soggy shoes and clothes. I would be freezing. Not the best thing in the world.

"Wait, there's not supposed to be a river here," Clarke suddenly said, breaking off her laughter with a deathly serious expression.

"Well, there is. _So take off your damn clothes._ " Finn said to her, a sly smile on his face, which did immediately seem to brighten Clarke's mood.

Again must I say, _manwhore_.

Octavia giggled at the sight, splashing around in the water like a child. Jasper and Monty started taking off their clothes as well, Jasper now especially eager to get in the water with Octavia.

But then it appeared Jasper's eyes had caught something from across the river because they tripled- almost quadrupled in size, making me freeze where I stood.

"What is it Jasper?" I asked worriedly. He looked scared- terrified even, which made _me_ scared.

"Octavia get out of the water!" Jasper suddenly shouted.

At that point, panic had erupted throughout my entire body, and I was beginning to react out of pure instinct. Everyone looked behind the clueless girl, to see a giant wave of water headed straight towards her. She screamed when she saw it, fear evident in her eyes.

"Get out of the water now!" Jasper yelled again, more urgently this time.

Without thinking I jumped into the water wrapping my arms around her torso to pull her out. I only realized it was a bad idea after I did it. But it was too late now. Might as well go with the plan?

I pulled her up, quickly tossing her over the rocks and towards where Jasper was standing worriedly. She looked okay from what I saw. 

But then I couldn't see. The last thing I saw before I was pulled underwater was the horrified look on Jaspers's face, his hand reaching out for mine from above the murky water, though I couldn't reach it.

My screams were muffled by the suffocating force of the creek's dirty water filling my lungs, my legs kicking in different directions as if to push the rabid animal away from me, but my panicked state only seemed to make matters worse. The beast pulled me further under, away from the light above the water that I seemed to want to cling onto. 

"Lori!" I heard Jasper yell from above. There was something about his voice that just seemed so scary. So horrified.

The animal continued to pull me down but I kept fighting, kicking, and splashing in all directions, not yet wanting to give myself up to the clutches of death. I felt sharp claws scratch the side of my leg and I let out another gurgled scream, watching as the water around me filled a murky sort of red. At one point my head had managed to get itself up above the waves, but only for a few _blissful_ seconds before the creature had pulled me under again.

And that's when I felt myself stop trying to fight back. Not because I wanted to, but because I physically couldn't even try to. I was too weak especially compared to whatever creature this was. I let the creature pull me under and accepted my fate. I was never supposed to live. This is the universe's way of killing me off one way or another. All the lives I took, are coming back to pull me with them into death. And it was the most painful thing you could ever imagine.

As I floated downwards with the creature it suddenly loosened its grip on me- only for a couple of seconds of course, but it was enough for me to go flying up above the water at rapid speed, suddenly feeling air seep into my lungs again.

I wailed out in surprise, my limbs now splashing around in a chaotic fashion. It wasn't as if I could swim.

My eyes met Jaspers from across the creek and what I saw was enough to make me wish that I had died under the water. A dutiful look was now planted on his face as he stared at me. I hated that look. That's _exactly_ the kind of look he _always_ makes before he's about to do something stupid. His words from earlier today replayed in my head.

_"We got to stick together all right? None of us can die. We work as a team."_

Oh god, Jasper please don't risk your life for me. It's enough for me to die but for _him_? 

Monty would be left with no one.

"Lori get to the shore _now_!" Jasper yelled.

My natural survival instincts seemed to kick in then because suddenly I realized that there was a possibility that I could _live_. My hands moved in an in and out motion- the best I could do as I tried my best to rush to shore. It looked like Finn, Clarke, and Monty were throwing rocks into the water away from me. Pulling a distraction.

Jasper jumped into the water and reached his arms out for me despite the look I tried to give him that said not to. If he dies, trying to save me, then I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I tried my best to breathe but there was just _a lot_ of water in my lungs, making my attempts meaningless.

"Jasper go, you'll die." I managed to choke out through the throaty coughs my body was doing as a way of getting the water out from my lungs.

But of course, he didn't listen to me because he's Jasper. And Jasper sometimes does stupid shit. 

"I got you." Was all he yelled back as he tried to swim me up to shore. I continued to cough out the water from my lungs, tiny- but painful, wheezes escaping my mouth in between.

For someone as brave as me, you'd think I wouldn't be so scared. But after facing so _so_ much death in my life, it's now, _all_ I feared. Not a day went by where I didn't worry that something would happen to anyone I cared about or to me and it was actually _really_ fucking exhausting. And it didn't help that the ark was floating people left and right. I mean, just last week, Nora, the girl in the cell next to mine was floated for stealing an extra blanket. So can you really blame me?

I heard an ear splinting noise sound from behind me and Jasper, the realization that the animal was making its way back to us now settling in.

"It's coming back! _And It's headed right for you guys_!" Finn shouted frantically.

I closed my eyes tightly, awaiting the moment that the creature would grab my leg and pull me under again. But it never came.

Because right as I expected to feel the pain of the creature's claws sinking into my skin, I instead felt my body along with Jaspers, being hauled up onto the wet stone in front of us.

I looked up to see Finn, standing there with his hands on me and Jaspers torsos, after having been the one to finally pull us up.

Though the curious moment was soon over because my coughs had come back again, the lungs of my body trying _desperately_ to get air into them.

My hands still clung to Jasper's now soaked chest as if I were still in the water, searching for any way out of the situation. He held onto me just as tight if not tighter, fear still plaguing his eyes.

Clarke was soon to follow Finn over towards me and my savior beside me, her eyes immediately landing on the giant gash of blood that now was bleeding rapidly. _I swear to god_ if I survived _all of that_ just to die in a couple of days from _blood loss_ , then I'm going to be pissed.

From my peripheral vision, I could see the blood that caked my leg, though I couldn't feel it as much due to the more intense feeling of my lungs closing in inside of me even if that wasn't what was actually happening. Clarke worked quickly once she saw the damage, her hands reaching over and ripping off part of Jasper's shirt to use as a compress for my leg.

I hugged Jasper at the same some from the side, deeply out of breath. "Thank you, thank you," I said, my arms possibly squeezing the life out of him though neither of us cared. He hugged me back tightly, Monty joining in as well from up above. I weakly smiled up at him glad to see his face. Glad to see everyone's face's despite how much I disliked some of them.

Clarke pulled me up from the ground, letting me sustain my weight onto her body which she didn't seem to mind doing all too much surprisingly. Though I had no time to relax into my new safeness because before I could even protest, Octavia had barreled into me for a slightly tighter hug than I was ready for. "Oh my god, Lori are you okay?" She asked me hastily. I nodded my head wincing in pain as Clarke tried to get me to walk. " _You saved my life_." She breathed, a look on her face that made me not regret doing it in the slightest. 

_You saved my life._

I don't think I'd ever forget those words in a million years. I just _saved_ someone. The whole concept was so foreign to me that it was honestly like a whole new feeling itself.

Octavia ran into me again for another hug- tighter this time if that was even possible, which at that point did make me trip and thankfully fall into her arms.

She caught me quickly, a relieved laugh escaping her lips.

"I got ya." She smiled down at me.

I smiled back painfully, knowing that everything I just did was all worth it to hear those 4 words she had said to me.

Jasper patted me on the back harshly, making me wince.

"God you fucking scared me, Lori. Don't ever do that again." He pointed a measly finger at me before joining in on the hug that Octavia had decided to initiate again.

"I won't," I spoke with a pained- but happy smile.

I saved someone's life today. And somehow that was enough to make me forget about the horrible pain on the side of my leg.

. . .

"You wanted to go first now quit stalling spacewalker! Mount weather awaits!" I yelled to Finn, grinning despite the pain I still felt in my body. Last night we had gone to sleep, and I woke up to find that my gash hurt slightly less than before so that was good. Now we were trying to find a way to get across the creek without...you know _dying_.

Spacewalker had eventually found us a vine that he said we could use to jump across the creek, despite the fact that neither of us knew if it was strong enough to hold our weight. Jasper was also up on the rock with him, trying his best to motivate Finn to jump.

"Easy for you to say, princess!" Finn yelled back at me.

I rolled my eyes at the foolish nickname. "Just hurry up!" I fired back.

"Just hang on till the apogee and you'll be fine," Jasper told Finn, a slightly more comforting tone to his voice.

"The apogee like the Indians right?" Finn asked stupidly.

"Apogee not apache," Jasper corrected.

"He knows. Today Finn!" Clarke yelled. 

Finn rolled his eyes again before focusing back on the hanging vine.

" _Aye aye captain._ See you on the other side!" Finn exclaimed, his eyes not yet leaving Jaspers. He stepped back, about to swing-

"Wait!" Jasper stopped him midway.

"What?" Finn huffed, probably annoyed with the fact that he had mustered his courage for nothing.

Jasper glanced at Octavia subtly but I noticed.

"Let me." Jasper suddenly said.

A smirk crept its way onto my face at his words, knowing that this had been inspired by Octavia _Because apparently jumping into a lake with a giant sea monster isn't enough to show her how brave he is._

"I can do it." Jasper reassured Finns, who quickly caught on to what was going on.

Finn smiled at him and handed him the vine."Knew there was a badass in there somewhere." Finn spoke proudly to Jasper giving him a brotherly pat on the back. Jasper's eyes met mine quickly and I wasted no time at giving him a mischievous grin, my eyebrows raising up and down at Octavia. He glared at me playfully, before going back to focusing on the vine.

He took deep breaths in, securing his hands tightly so that he wouldn't fall.

And again, he smiled back down at Octavia before looking up at it. He was scared no doubt.

"Hey, it's okay to be afraid Jasper. _The trick is not fighting it_ ," Finn advised.

I smiled up at him as he took in another deep breath in, trying to reassure him without coming across as doubting him. Jasper always had been braver than me and Monty, even if I have killed 11 people. Which I had always said wasn't a brave thing to do. But the kinds of things he did, those were brave things. 

"See you on the other side," Jasper said dorkily, and in the blink of an eye he was swinging across the river."Whooo! Whoo!"Jasper yelled excitedly, a smile etched onto his lips.

He jumped off the vine and landed on the other side harshly while we all rushed towards the end of the river trying to see if he was alright. But he got up looking _just fine_. He looked from where he was to where we were, astonished that he made it before smiling down at Octavia.

Aww, this is so cute. _Jasper has a little crush_.

I can't wait to tease him about it once we get back to camp- _hopefully with food in tow_.

"We are the apogee!" Jasper yelled wildly.

"YEAH!" We all cheered back in unison.

We were so proud of him that we didn't even notice the slight movement in the trees as Jasper grinned confidently.

"You did it, Jasper!" Clarke yelled out, a bright smile on her face.

He jumped up and down excitedly meanwhile Finn pulled me towards the vine.

"Let's go princess." He laughed, handing me the vine softly.

I scowled at his nickname to which he just smirked suggestively.

"Cmon Lori you got this!" Jasper yelled to me, which did make me smile again.

When I looked over he was crouched over something on the ground, as if reading something he had found.

"We did it!" He suddenly yelled.

He showed the sign to us.

"Mount Weather!" He shouted. And sure enough, the sign read _Mount Weather_.

We all let out cheers, relieved to finally be here after all of the walking.

I grinned at him widely watching as he showed the sign up with a sort of proudness that made me never want to _stop_ smiling. But as I looked into his eyes a giant spear was thrown into his stomach sending him flying all the way back.


	6. ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟜- 𝔽𝕒𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕪 𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟙 ✅

**Song for this chapter-** **_ Policy of Truth by Depeche Mode _ **

_As I walked into the cold cafeteria room with my new prisoner uniform on I couldn't stop thinking about why I was here. I couldn't stop thinking about the look on my mother's face as she was floated out into the abyss, and how it was all my fault._

_Subconsciously my hand reached out for Ravens. I grabbed a hand only to realize it **wasn't** Ravens._

_Next to me stood a skinny-looking boy about the same age as me with goggles slightly falling off his forehead because of how tiny he was._

_Instantly becoming curious, because I had never really met anyone my age before I looked at him with pleading eyes._

_"Can I please hold your hand? I'm scared." I said weakly._

_I expected him to scowl at me and walk away or something but instead, he just smiled._

_"Sure." He grinned dorkily._

_Part of me wondered why he was grinning when we were prisoners but his smile brought an immediate sense of comfort to me so I chose to ignore it._

_Together we walked over to the cafeteria table, waiting to be given our food._

_He sat in front of me still grinning happily before suddenly holding his hand out across the table._

_"Hi. My names Jasper." He said._

"JASPER!" I cried out horrifically. My voice cracked in pain, looking at his lifeless body impaled against the tree. My knees seemed to hobble beneath me at the sight, wanting to fall down onto the ground where I stood, though I knew that would do nothing to ease my pain.

"Jasper!" I sobbed again. A part of me knew he would never hear my cries. Just like I would never hear his voice call back.

The memory of what he had told me just yesterday seemed to taunt my mind. _"We got to stick together all right? None of us can die. We work as a team."_

_None of us can die._

What a team we were. Or I guess not anymore. A team requires two people to be alive. But now it's just me. _Why do I always have to be the one that lives_. _Why do I always have to be the one that has to face life without the other person with me?_

Both Finn and Monty tried to pull me away from the scene like I hadn't just lost my best friend. I knew him for 12+ years. _12 plus years_ and he dies like _this_. On _earth_.

"Let go of me, you morons!" I yelled through my cries, desperately trying to yank myself free from Finn's rather tight grip. 

I looked at Monty, waiting for him to do something- _anything_. But he was as still as a statue, staring off at Jaspers impaled body like he wasnt even there. 

"That's my friend! Let go of me!" I yelled again, beginning to feel anger rise in my chest. I kicked and screamed, punching in all direction that I could, trying desperately to get to Jasper. If this were any other situation, Finn would be on the floor in a mere heartbeat due to how good I am at fighting but right now, the right movements seemed lost in my mind. I was so out of my head that I couldn't even hold myself together long enough to close a fist properly.

Finn forcefully pulled me closer to him, looking me in the eye with an eager stare. 

"Lori if you don't shut the fuck up and come with us, _you'll be next to die_." Finn pleaded. My sobs echoed throughout the forest causing the birds to fly away. _Jasper couldn't be dead_. No. He couldn't be dead.

I let Finn pull me up with him and Monty through the rough terrain, going into a state of pure shock as I watched Jaspers body get further and further away from me. He didn't move though. He didn't get up and start to follow us. And I felt it in my gut that he never would. He was dead. And dead people can't walk.

Occasionally one of us would look back as if we were expecting him to just pop up out of nowhere and start running after us. Like he hadn't just been speared through the chest.

We grew up together, lived together, slept on the same bunk. _He had been with me my whole life_ , and the moment that you realize that someone like that, wouldn't be in your life anymore... is quite frankly the most _horrifying_ thing in the world.

Like truly. It was more painful than the giant cut on my leg. More painful than what I felt as I was drowning. It was like a part of me had died too. Because with the amount of time me and Jasper had spent together, he practically was like a part of me. 

My leg slowed the group down which I felt bad about. _My leg_. Jasper saved me and now this is what he gets in return? _Death_. _Death_ is what he gets after saving my life last night? God, maybe it really is me. My mother died because I was born. Jasper died after he saved me from dying. The universe really doesn't want me alive. And it's willing to kill everyone else around me to get that.

Maybe if Finn had been the one to jump first then Jasper wouldn't be dead. If he hadn't had wanted to impress Octavia so god damn much then he wouldn't be dead. There were so many things we could have done to prevent this from happening. And yet we were all too caught up in the heat of the moment to realize the rustling in the trees just begging us to realize that someone else was there and ready to kill.

"Hurry up Lori!" Clarke yelled from the front. I grunted in pain with each step I took farther away from Jasper's body. We cant even have a proper funeral goddammit.

"Im trying!" I wailed. 

As we ran through the brightly lit forest Monty fell down over a log. His eyes widened at what was in front of him. A bare skeleton laid before his eyes causing us to stop and look at it in all of its horror. _What the hell had been going on down here for the past 300 years?_

Octavia and Finn pulled Monty up quickly from his state of shock, Finn especially trying to keep running, probably not wanting to face the same fate that Jasper had.

"Cmon we gotta go! _We gotta go_!" Finn yelled not yet seeing the skeleton.

But when it became apparent to him that we weren't moving then I think that's when he realized something had gone wrong.

"Who are they?" Finn asked, his eyes finally landing on the pile of bones.

Clarke picked up the Skull slowly to reveal a weirdly shaped head.

" _What_ are they?" Clarke re-stated.

"We are so screwed," I complained, tilting my head back to let out a defeated groan.

Suddenly a scream cried out through the forest, causing Clarke to drop the skull she was holding, and my head to snap up from its laid-back stance.

He was still alive. _Jasper was still fucking alive_.

I took no hesitation in sprinting off towards the sound, my feet carrying me on the rocky path as if there wasnt a giant gash that cut 3 inches deep into my leg.

"Lori!" Clarke yelled after me, but I wasn't listening. Jasper was alive. 

I had to save him. I loved him like a brother- I loved him more than I loved my own twin and that's saying a lot. And if he was going to die, then he sure as hell wasnt going to die alone.

"Lori Wait! Wait!" Finn ran after me. He caught up to me in no time with his long legs beating my injured ones.

His fingers latched onto my bicep, pulling me back into his chest.

"Wait. Stay in the trees." He said, making me sigh in relief. He didnt want Jasper to die either.

I obeyed his orders, staying hidden behind the trees quietly looking for the dorky brown-headed boy with whom I shared more than half my life with.

But he was gone.

"But he was right there," Finn said, confusion evident in his voice.

"No. Where is he?" Monty asked desperately.

"They took him," Clarke stared off into the green abis as she said this, her expression going blank.

**. . .**

Finally, we arrived back at camp with exhausted, broken, expressions. My face was no doubt puffy and red from crying the whole way here. Finn and Octavia had to forcefully drag me away from running to go find Jasper. But we had a plan. We were gonna search for him. So I forced my legs to follow after them and through the forest. 

My cut had managed to worsen throughout our way back and the piece of fabric was now completely blood-soken. Clarke told me to wait and that she would fix it later but that was the least of my concerns. 

I couldn't stop thinking about the image of Jasper's body flying into the tree behind him. And the fact that he was dying all alone out there.

My legs broke out beneath me in exhaustion and I landed in the soil, completely a mess. Clarke was getting onto Wells and Murphy who were currently knife fighting. But I didn't care. 

I had always had him. For everything. _And I mean everything_. Every single heartache and pain in my life, he was there for. And it was the most terrible feeling, knowing that in the end, I'm not there with him. 

Monty came running to me worriedly as I hit the ground before pulling me up and allowing me to sustain my weight on his shoulder. I felt guilty about not doing anything more to be there for Monty, but I just physically couldn't. I couldn't look at the face of someone like Monty who literally just reminded me of Jaspers condition every time I saw him, though I was grateful for his assistance.

Bellamy stood in front of us with wide eyes as he looked down at my bloodied leg."Where's the food?" He asked greedily.

I scowled at him but none of us answered, still shocked to say the least.

"What the hell happened out there? What happened to her leg?" Bellamy asked again.

I wanted to punch him so badly. How self-centered could someone be? 

"We were attacked." I managed to breathe out through my groans of pain.

Bellamy's eyes shifted to me at my sudden voice, still looking quite shocked.

"Attacked? By what?" He asked.

"Not what. Who." Finn answered for me.

"It turns out when the last man from the ground died on the ark, he wasn't the last grounder," He continued.

"It's true. Everything we thought we knew about the ground is wrong. There are people here. Survivors. _The good news is_ , that means we can survive. Radiation won't kill us. " Clarke spoke motivatingly, completely avoiding the bad side of it all.

I scowled at her in pain. Fucking Phoenicians.

"The bad news is, the grounders will," I said in a gruff voice pushing my weight off of Monty so I could stand on my own. 

I saw Wells look around as if searching for someone, and I knew who it was. I also knew he wouldn't find him. Not here anyway.

"Wheres the kid with the goggles?" Wells asked.

_Kid with the goggles._ I knew it wasnt meant as an insult in any way, but I was so angry that I couldn't help but hear it as a mock. An insult to Jaspers memory.

I stood tall, glaring at everyone around me.

" _Jasper_ was hit. _They took him_. He was shot with a spear from hundreds of feet away. And now my best friend-"I started, but sobs escaped my lips before I could finish.

Monty rubbed my back comfortingly as I wiped away my tears.

"My best friend is out there in pain with no one there to comfort him." I managed to choke out. Everyone's eyes shifted to me sympathetically, though I knew none of these delinquents understood. I mean how could they? Most people haven't had someone in their life like I had Jasper. For as long as I did. Someone who you couldn't bear to live without. So of course they wouldn't understand the way my heart ached so badly that I felt like I wanted to die. Of course, they wouldn't understand the way my chest hurt when I reached out for his hand as a way of getting comfort, only to realize that it wasnt there.

They quickly looked away from me to Clarke though as she grabbed Wells's wrist after seeing that it was bare.

"Wheres your wristband?" Clarke asked him as if that was our most vital concern right now.

He tore his wrist away now shooting an icy glare towards Bellamy.

"Ask him," he replied simply.

They all looked at Bellamy in shock but I honestly wasn't that surprised. He was hiding something. Not that it was any of my business. And not that I really cared.

"How many?" Clarke asked.

" _24 and counting_ ," Murphy spoke up smugly. You know I was doing fine up until I heard the dicks voice. God, I fucking hate today. I hate every day.

"You idiots." Clarke breathed.

I glared at her, becoming increasingly aware of the way she was more focused on the bloody wristbands rather than the fact that Jasper could be alive, slowly dying somewhere in the forest.

"Clarke Jasper needs help, and he needs help _now_ ," I spoke sternly, not letting my voice quiver as I spoke to her. There was nothing that I cared about more than Jasper right now.

She just shooed me away like a fly, which fueled me with such an intense feeling of anger that I had to stop myself from grabbing Bellamy's gun and putting it to her head. 

" _Life support on the ark is failing_. That's why they brought us down here-" Clarke stated but I interrupted her. If she wants me to care about some stupid fucking wristbands, then I'll show her what I really think.

" _CLARKE THEY DON"T FUCKING CARE ABOUT US!"_ I shouted, causing everyone to jump as they turned their heads towards me, including the Blonde. But I had had enough. I was infuriated, and Clarke wasn't going to hear the end of it.

"... and I don't give 2 fucks whether they live or die.. Do you _honestly_ believe that they have any intention of wiping our crimes away? Because if you do then your delusional. They want power and control. They would _never_ just _let us get away_ with our violations. You heard Jaha- _our crimes have made us expendable-_ Our lives meant nothing to them. _We were just kids Clarke_. They sent kids down to earth knowing that the odds of us surviving were basically 0. So screw them, and SCREW THESE FUCKING WRISTBANDS." I shouted at her, my anger fueling the already strong rage I felt for the girl from before this even happened.

The crowd around me shouted in approval and if it were any other day, I would have smirked smugly but all I can think about is getting this drama over with so we could get Jasper- whether he dead or alive. Although now with all of this long-ass talking we're doing there's no doubt he's already bled out.

Bellamy suddenly came beside me against Clarke, probably seeing me as a perfect contender for whatever master evil plan he had.

"Were stronger than you think! _Don't listen to Clarke!_ She's one of the privileged! If they come down, shell have it good. How many of you could say the same? We can take care of ourselves! That wristband on your arm, it makes you a prisoner! We are _not_ prisoners anymore! They say they'll forgive your crimes. I say, your not criminals! Your fighters! Survivors! The grounders should worry about _us_!" Bellamy shouted beside me.

Everyone cheered at his speech, completely oblivious to whatever he was hiding. Or maybe I'm just being paranoid and he isn't hiding anything at all. 

Clarke started to walk away angrily after just having lost an argument, and I wished so badly that I could have enjoyed the defeated look on her face. 

" _Not bad princess_. You wanna take off that wristband?" Bellamy asked from beside me.

I looked at him as if just noticing he was there, which seemed to make him slightly angry.

"Yeah sure," I spoke through gritted teeth at the boy who I knew was too self-centered to even notice my uncomfortableness.

He took my hand gently guiding me over to a log so we could sit down. My leg still hurt like hell but I ignored the pain, trying my best to appear brave. But I just couldn't keep my fucking mouth shut. I of course, just had to ruin it all.

"What are you hiding Bellamy?" The words left my mouth and I immediately regretted them.

He didn't look phased and instead just took out his knife and started to cut away my wristband.

"I'm just like you princess. Or should I say prisoner 0159? _The arks most dangerous prisoner_. Lori Reyes. 2nd born twin. You go by a lot of names now don't you?" Bellamy threatened.

I was taken aback by this.

"How do you know who I am?" I asked in shock.

He smirked at me smugly, his hands slightly brushing against the skin on my wrist while he cut the metal band.

"Everyone knows who you are. They just don't know what you look like. But I've seen you before at the unity day party on the ark. They told me as a guard to keep an extra eye on you because you were dangerous. _But you don't look so dangerous now with that giant gash on your leg_." Bellamy said bravely.

I glared at him, trying not to show the absolute horror that I felt, through my face. He knew who I was. Out of everyone in this entire camp, Bellamy Blake held power over me that no one else did. He could expose me at any minute, and it'd be over for me. I don't think I've ever felt this much fear on one day since I was probably around 12.

Bellamy smirked at me, making it obvious that he knew I was scared, before walking off proudly with an unnerving bounce in his step.

I stood there for a couple of seconds like an idiot, praying to whatever god that was out there that things only got better from here. Because at this point there was nowhere to go but up.

Time to go find Jasper.

. . .

A couple of minutes later me and Clarke were in the dropship collecting whatever we could for our soon-to-be expedition.

Our silence was loud as all we heard was the clanking of objects that we were moving around, echoing in the dropship.

"You don't have to like me, you don't have to even be nice to me, but how could you not see that what I'm saying is what's best for our people?" Clarke asked, breaking the silence that I was actually starting to find comfort in. I stopped packing my things and turned to look her in the eyes, utter rage filling up my chest.

" _Your_ people Clarke. The people on the ark are NOT my people. They lost that title the day they killed my mother in front of my own eyes for the crime of having a second child. My people are down here on the ground. We don't need _your_ people. We're better off without them. Because right now, my best friend since the age of 5 is out somewhere in the woods with a spear in his chest screaming in pain. And it's all because _your_ people sent us down here. So yeah, I don't like you, I dont like your people and I'm not going to be nice to you. We work alongside each other but that's where our connection ends." I said with a huff as I regathered my things and stood up. Perhaps I went a bit too far, but Clarke got on my nerves.

As I exited the 2nd level of the dropship and climbed down to the first where Monty was, Wells went back up for Clarke. I glared at him. He was stupid and his temper would definitely be the death of us someday. Maybe today I just felt like everyone was stupid today.

But as my eyes landed on Monty I knew that wasnt true. 

"Hey." I said weakly, trying my best not to burst out crying at the sight of his teary eyes.

"Hey. _Do you have everything you need?_ " Monty asked, a slight quiver in his voice.

I took in a deep breath trying to avoid his eyes. Our friend was out there and the longer we waited the less his chances of survival.

"Yeah... I'm scared Monty. _Im really really fucking scared._ " I admitted, tears falling out of my eyes before I could stop them. 

He paused for a second forcing eye contact before embracing me in a giant hug. 

I stumbled back at first but then quickly wrapped my arms back around him, crying into his neck.

"He can't be dead Monty." I sobbed.

" _He can't be dead_." My voice was so broken and distorted that it was really barely even audible, though I'm sure Monty understood what I was saying, just because he was probably thinking it too.

He continued to hug me tightly just patting my back for comfort every so often.

He didn't need to say anything because he knew what it felt like too. 

It felt kind of stupid for me to be crying over this while Jaspers still out there, but I couldn't hold it in any longer. There hasn't been this much bad news in a day for me then since when I was five years old and sitting all alone on that chair, watching as my mother was sucked into space.

"Jaspers gonna be okay. Were gonna save him." Monty whispered into my ear through his own silent tears.

I hoped he was right.

Clarke soon came down with an angry look on her face pointed at Wells.

"You came back for reinforcements. _Im gonna help_." Wells said, stepping down from the ladder bravely. I could tell he definitely wasnt going to back down.

"Clarke, he's right we need him. So far no one else has volunteered." Monty piped up walking towards them. I cast a pointed look in his direction for encouraging Wells to come, even though I knew he was right.

"Im sorry Monty but you're not going either," Clarke stated, a guilty look on her face. At that, I physically had to restrain myself from punching her right on the jaw.

Monty moved closer to her, standing his ground.

"Like hell im not, Jaspers my best friend," Monty groaned.

"You're too important. You were raised on farm station and recruited by engineering." Clarke stated.

I rolled my eyes.

"So?" Monty repeated my exact thoughts.

"So, food and communication. What's up here.-" She pointed to his head.

"Is going to save us all. You figure out how to talk to the ark and ill bring Jasper back." Clarke said, starting to leave before we could say a word.

I quickly understood what she was saying and to Monty's dismay, agreed with her statement. She was doing what's best for her people and I'm going to do what's best for mine. Specifically Monty because he was also like a brother to me. But, everyone else as well.

Finn came walking into the dropship, looking for Clarke of course.

"Hey, you ready?" Clarke asked him excitedly. I wasn't an idiot I could clearly tell that they were developing feelings for each other. 

But I also knew something else that nobody else knew. Finn already had a girlfriend.

My twin sister. Raven Reyes.

I should probably stop whatever is going on between him and Clarke but I highly doubted that Raven would be coming to earth so maybe it's better if they both moved on.

"I'm not going anywhere, and neither should any of you. That spear was thrown with pinpoint accuracy from _300 feet_." Finn stated.

"So what? We just pussy out of it and let jasper die?" I suddenly asked.

God when am I going to learn to just shut the hell up.

"That's not gonna happen," Clarke assured me, obviously trying to calm me down. But her voice just annoyed me further.

Clarke turned back to Finn angrily.

"Spacewalker? What a joke. You think your such an adventurer. _Your really just a coward_." Clarke's words cut deep into Finn's chest, I could just tell by the way his face suddenly dropped.

My mouth hung open in disbelief. Damn Clarke.

Clarke began to pick up more things on the ground.

"It's not an adventure, Clarke, it's a suicide mission," Finn stated protectively. Clarke just walked out of the dropship without another word, earning a tiny teeny tiny smudge of respect from me.

I went to follow her but stopped in front of Finn first.

"Jasper is worth the mission," I said to him as I left, giving Monty one last hug on my way out.

I got outside to see Bellamy and Octavia sitting on a log.

Bellamy turned to me, a slight smug on his face just like from earlier.

" _You're not going anywhere with that leg_." He stated in an almost taunting sort of way. Like he just knew how much this mission meant to me and was purposefully trying to ruin it.

My eyebrows furrowed at his statement, now wondering when he thought that he could just order me around.

"You dont get to tell me what to do Blake," I smirked back, despite the slight fear I felt in my stomach. He knew who I was. He knew all of my crimes in all of their filthy glory. 

"He's right Lori, your leg isn't even cleaned up," Clarke came out of nowhere, which set off something in my mind.

"Well then clean it, because there is no way I'm leaving my friend's life in _your_ hands." I spat, my hands balling into fists at my sides.

I was going whether they liked it or not.

Clarke stood there staring at me for a second before nodding her head. Surprisingly she looked to Bellamy and passed him a wet cloth.

"You use that to clean her cut, I'll be right back," Clarke stated and started to walk off. Bellamy's eyes furrowed in confusion.

"What!? Why do I have to do it!" He yelled after her.

"She's the one that jumped in to save Octavia's life. If she hadn't done that, then your sister would either be dead or she would have the same gashes on her legs. Your sister, your responsibility. _She saved your sister, therefore you owe her_." Clarke said sassily before turning around and walking off.

I stood there in shock watching her walk away as if she were the boss.

Screw this.

I started to walk away angrily but Bellamy caught my hand.

"Woah Woah princess _you heard her_ , you're not going anywhere without a clean-cut," Bellamy sneered, a taunting expression on his face.

_He was enjoying this, wasnt he?_

I scowled at him.

"I'm fine without it," I scoffed, starting to push myself away from him.

But he grabbed my whole arm throwing me back over to sit on the log.

"Sorry but Monty and Jasper will kill me if they found out that I let you go like this." He groaned, taking the wet rag in his hands.

"Fine. But if you so much as-" I started but he cut me off by rolling up my jeans and pressing the wet cloth onto the giant gash in my thigh harshly.

I moaned in pain as he removed the cloth.

" _What was that for, you asshole!_ " I yelled. He smiled at me looking slightly _amused_ at my pained expression.

"You talk too much." He said rudely before pressing the cloth on the gash again, this time more gently.

"So I'm guessing you want your wristband off for the same reason I want mine off?" He asked as he pressed the damp cloth on my gash.

My fist clenched at my sides in pain but I held it in.

"Well I don't know, you won't exactly tell me what your reasoning is," I said cooly and quietly so that no one else could hear.

He pressed the cloth onto my wound once more but then kept it there in pain as he looked up into my eyes.

"Why don't you tell me what your reasoning is before I tell you mine." He said as he pressed the cloth into my wound.

I squirmed from the pain, feeling discomfort sneak its way into my body. 

"Well, for starters I am the ark's most dangerous prisoner. The moment they come down here. they are going to kill me. And I don't know about you but I don't exactly want to be killed. And second of all, I hate the ark. I hate the people on the ark. And I hope they all die before they get down here." I said honestly.

Maybe Bellamy could help me. We could work together to stop the ark from coming down here.

"Why do you hate the ark?" Bellamy pushed on, now focusing back on the cut.

I looked off into the trees remembering everything that had happened to me up there. My mom being floated was just the tip of the iceberg. 

"It doesn't really matter. It's just..." I trailed off.

He looked back up from the gash expectantly.

"What? It's just what?" He asked.

"They are horrible terrible people. And they do horrible terrible things. That's all you need to know." I finished.

I took in a sharp breath now looking down at the gash.

"Well, looks like your done. Now if you don't mind, I have people to care about. So I'll be going now." I said as he finished tying the wrap around my leg.

I started to get up but he pushed me back down.

"Ugh, _what is your problem, Blake_?" I asked annoyed.

The more time we spent here the more time Jasper was somewhere dying alone.

"You didn't say thank you. _Dont you think that's a little disrespectful?_ " He glared, blocking my way from getting up.

"No. I think what's disrespectful is the fact that you are keeping me here while my friend is out there dying! Goodbye Blake." I groaned, officially getting up and starting to walk off and away from the monster that is Bellamy.

"Lose the attitude. Also, I'm coming with you." Bellamy suddenly said, making me roll my eyes.

"Alright then, _hurry up_ ," I grunted, reluctantly walking off towards Clarke.

Clarke got to us before we got to her.

"What do you want Clarke?" I spat.

She scowled at me before turning to look at Bellamy.

"Actually, I'm here for you." She said to him with a pointed eyebrow.

He scoffed.

"What about me?" He asked.

"I hear you have a gun?" Clarke said blatantly. My eyes drifted down to the side of his waist where I knew it would be.

Sure enough, Bellamy lifted up the side of his shirt to now show the gun cautiously, which I knew had been there since the beginning.

"Good, _follow me_ ," Clarke ordered beginning to walk off.

"And why would I do that?" Bellamy teased. I smirked knowing that he was going either way. He was probably just messing with Clarke.

"Because you want _them_ to follow you guys," Clarke said looking between me and Bellamy.

At this point my interest sparked.

"And right now their thinking only one of us is scared." She almost laughed as she looked between us knowingly.

I only scoffed, knowing that she was half right.

Clarke walked off leaving me and Bellamy to just stand there with our mouths hanging open in shock.

"Murphy, your coming with me. Atom? My sister doesn't leave this camp _is that understood_?" Bellamy ordered.

" _I don't need a babysitter._ " Octavia chimed in. My eyes drifted over to her and I couldn't help the slight frown that appeared on my face. Jasper died to prove his bravery to her.

Sorry, I know I keep speaking of him like he's dead, but my mind can't help the fact that it immediately assumes the worst. 

"Anybody touches her, they answer to me. Let's go." Bellamy ignored Octavia, starting to walk off.

I watched as his goons followed him like lost sheep. Pathetic. Unlike them, I didn't need anyone to tell me what to do.

"You coming Reyes?" Bellamy asked looking back at me. 

Nevermind

I nodded my head, regaining my composure, and following behind him. I guess we were on the same page then. I might dislike him but we both had one goal in mind, it seemed like.

Stop the ark from coming down. And for the sake of that mission and only that mission, I was going to find out how to get along with him.

He smirked as I joined beside him leading the way towards Clarke.

Now, it's truly time to go save Jasper.

_Bellamys pov-_

I never intended to talk to Lori Reyes. I might have wanted to at first but then I remembered the fact that she was a murderer with eleven bodies under her belt, so I decided not to.

Up until just a few minutes ago, that is.

You see I had a plan. It was simple.

Collect the wristbands off of the campers and therefore stop the ark from coming down. 

And when I saw Lori come back from whatever the hell kind of freak expedition they went on, I just knew that she would be a perfect addition to my plan. After all, besides me, Lori's the only other one at this camp who has a reason for not wanting the ark down here. 

And now that her best friend just died as a result of the ark _sending us_ down here, there was no doubt in my mind that she hated them. I would too.

So was I wrong for talking to a murder? Maybe.

But at least I wasn't enjoying it.


	7. ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟜- 𝔽𝕒𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕪 𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟚 ✅

**Song for this chapter-** **_ Broken Hearted Savior by Big Head Todd & The Monsters _ **

"Since when are we the rescuing business, huh?" Murphy's slimey voice flooded through my ears as we continued to walk through the forest behind Clarke and Wells.

I turned around to look at him with a fierce glare to which Bellamy pulled me back to the front, trying to stop another fight from happening- which I really wish he hadn't because Murphy could _really_ use a good punch to the face right about now. _Not once_ has he stopped complaining about how Jasper was practically a dead man, and I was getting sick of it.

"The ark thinks the prince is dead. Once they think the princess is too, _they'll never come down_." Bellamy grinned, throwing a mischievous glance in Clarke's direction.

My eyes followed his over to the blonde, a slight smirk creeping its way onto my face.

"I'm getting that wristband," Bellamy had a determined look in his eye, though for all the wrong reasons, much like my smirk.

"Even if we have to cut off her hand to do it." I finished his thought.

He grinned at me, probably glad to know that I was on his side. And I'll say, it was nice to have something to take my mind off the image of Jaspers lifeless body impaled in a tree, although the reoccurring thought kept appearing in my mind- _what if he_ ** _was_** _dead?_

I forced myself to stop thinking that question as I walked beside Bellamy though and instead went over our plan.

It was genius really and I was surprised that I hadn't thought of it first.

Take the wristband, ark thinks they're dead, and then they never come down. It was perfect.

I will admit though, to a certain extent it felt wrong. There were families up there. Mothers and fathers, eager to see if their child made it safely.

But my brain was already programmed for revenge and I couldn't rewire it. Everything that I've been doing my whole life starting from the age of five has been for the sole purpose of avenging my mothers death, along with the hundreds of other women like her. Well, maybe not _everything_ but definitely most things. The killing at least. It was what I was best at, and it was what I did in order to feel justice.

By taking Clarke's wristband, her mother would think she was dead. And while, yes, that sounds like a very terrible thing to do, I felt pleasure in knowing that Abby Griffin would feel grief. She deserved it after all the grief she caused me, along with all of the grief she's caused others. _Does she even know how much blood was on her hands?_

I'm talking hundreds- maybe even thousands of lives have been lost because of the one woman. And since I couldn't save my mother from her _filthy_ , ruthless clutches, I was going to make sure that she felt what I felt too. Having to wake up everyday knowing that I'd never talk to my mother again has been the endless torture I've felt since I was only a mere child.

And I couldn't get over that.

"Hey hold up!" Bellamy yelled at Clarke, pulling me from the dark thoughts that probably shouldn't have been running through my mind.

He subtly tugged me along with him towards the blue eyed monster and I groaned at the change of pace. Just because my leg had been cleaned up didn't mean that it didn't still hurt like hell. Because it did.

"What's the rush? You don't survive a spear to the heart." Bellamy spun the gun in his hand in an almost taunting sort of way, obviously trying to size her up.

"Put the gun away Bellamy," Wells ordered, a daunting look on his face.

I could already smell the anger coming from Murphy from a mile away. Wells really can't catch a break can he?

Murphy grabbed onto Wells shirt harshly pushing him back and towards a tree behind him.

"Well, why don't you do something about it?" Murphy spat.

For a split second I found myself wondering if Wells would fight back, or at least do something, say something.

But then- thankfully, Bellamy pulled them apart before another almost-fight could happen, ending the wonder I had for the situation.

God, what on earth is Murphy's problem. Like what the hell did Wells do to him that made him so mad?

Maybe it wasn't what Wells did though. Maybe it was what his _father_ did.

"Jasper screamed when they moved him. If the spear struck his heart, he would have died instantly. It doesn't mean we have time to waste." Clarke glared, breaking the silence and beginning to walk off.

I was going to follow her, eager to get to Jasper because of this new information when Bellamy caught her hand swiftly pulling her back around.

"As soon as you take this wristband off, then we can go," Bellamy commanded.

I saw the fire in Clarke's eyes light up immediately as he said this, making me smirk slightly before I caught myself. Some part of me liked this feisty side of Clarke. When I had known her, she was only just a shy timid little girl. We _both_ were really. But then I guess we grew up and realized that the ark was no place to be shy and timid. I think we also realized that we weren't meant to be friends. Though I think she realized that before I did.

"The only way the ark is gonna think I'm dead, is if I'm dead. Got it?" Clarke held her ground bravely against Bellamy's stubborn grip, though he didn't look so quick to back off.

"Brave princess." Murphy sneered from behind him. A terrible scowl appeared on Clarkes face at the nickname, which definitely only fueled Bellamy and Murphy's confidence.

"Hey, why don't you find your own nickname," Finn appeared out of nowhere, leaning against a tree cooly, although I could clearly see the anger in his eyes.

The corners of my mouth twitched up at the sight of the boys floppy hair, enjoying the show these fools were giving me.

"You call this a rescue party? Got to split up. Cover more ground. Clarke, come with me." Finn began to tug Clarke along with him further into the woods and my heart leapt at the opportunity of getting some time to think for myself without Bellamy glaring from beside me.

"I'll come with you too!" I blurted.

Bellamy grabbed my bicep roughly, pulling me back to him.

"No. You're mine. Murphy. Wells. Cmon." Bellamy commanded, leaving no room for questioning.

A deep scowl made its way onto my face at the feeling of his hands wrapped around my upper arm. I'm already starting to not like the look of this.

. . .

I never imagined that one measly walk through the forest would be as hard as it was right now, or as scary as it was. Fear was my greatest enemy, and I didnt feel it too often thank god. But now I felt it. Like _really really_ felt it. Along with dread, guilt, and other things as well.

It was hard enough to comprehend the fact that Jasper wasn't by my side right now, but what was even harder was comprehending _why_ he wasn't by my side.

Out of everything that I had imagined happening when we came down here, I had failed to imagine the possibility that we wouldn't be the _only_ ones down here.

But surprise, surprise, we aren't. And you know, that wouldn't have been so much of a problem if it weren't for the fact that they were savage killers.

They _speared_ Jasper through the chest. Like with an _actual_ spear.

From _three-hundred_ feet away.

And _that_ was something that we definitely hadn't been prepared for. Finding water, food, shelter- those were all things that we had some capability of being able to do.

But starting a war with the people down here...that was never in our realm of possibilities. We were in no position to defend ourselves.

No guns- except for the one on Bellamy's waistband of course. No knives- not that I know of at least. And barely any medicine.

And I doubt any of the campers were particularly skilled in hand to hand combat.

Yet with all of that in mind, there seemed to be only one thing I could think about. One person.

And it was this one thing that filled me with the most fear even compared to the things I just described.

It was the possibility that my best friend could be dead.

It had always been me and him against the world. Whatever life threw at us we would push through it together. He found me at probably one of the lowest places in my life, offered me his hand and said hey you're not alone. Figuratively speaking of course.

He gave me the hope I needed to believe that I wouldn't be completely alone my whole life. To not give up on life. We became dependent on each other. Inseparable.

And now for the first time in 12 or so years, he wasn't beside me. What I would kill to just see that dorky smile of his once more.

Of course, his death is not exactly set in stone. He could be alive. But I was a natural born pessimist. My mind automatically always went to the worst possibility that it could think of.

Thus my anxiety.

Wells continuously glanced up at Clarke and Finn throughout our walk with jealousy written all over his face.

It was obvious Wells loved Clarke. More than friends kind of love. But it was also obvious that Clarke was in love with Finn, and Finn was _definitely_ in love with Clarke.

"Guess we have more in common than meets the eye huh?" Bellamy asked Wells. I took that as my que to jog up ahead and walk by Murphy, not wanting to get involved in whatever kind of drama Bellamy and Wells had. Though I could still hear it.

"We have nothing in common." I heard wells gruff out.

"No?" Bellamy taunted.

"We both came down here to protect someone we love. Your secrets safe with me." Bellamy assured. I was going to say that I was pleasantly surprised by his statement until he added to it.

" Of course, for you, it's worse. With Finn around, _Clarke doesn't even see you_." Bellamy added. I internally groaned at his choice of words, already imagining the look of hurt on Wells' face.

There was a long pause as he seemed to think about what to say next.

"It's like your not even here," He finished with an evil grin, running ahead to catch up to me.

He came up to me and Murphy, tugging me along so that now, me and him were in front, leading Murphy and Wells. Which probably wasn't the wisest decision but whatever.

"Stay close okay? We have to work together in order for this to work." Bellamy's voice made its way to my ears.

"Yeah, yeah," I said dismissively. I had decided to work with him sure, but that didn't mean that I wanted to be by the guy that knew my whole lifes secret all of the time. It made me feel uneasy which was something I definitely didn't need during a time like this.

He stopped walking to forcefully turn me around and look him in the eyes.

"Hey. You're not listening to me. Enough with the snarky comments and the evil glares. I'm the one in charge here." Bellamy spoke authoritatively, which definitely only fueled my annoyance towards the situation.

I scoffed, as he looked down at me with his arms crossed against his chest.

" _I'm sorry if I'm in a bad mood right now_. It isn't like, oh I don't know, my friend might be _dead_ or anything." I spat, looking up at him with pure disgust. The fact that he was acting as if getting these wristbands was my number one priority right now was infuriating. As if i'm just going to completely forget about my dying best friend just to help him and his selfish desires.

"You said you wanted to be a team," I continued to ridicule him, my fist clenching tightly at my sides.

"But right now you're not exactly acting like that are you?" I tilted my head to the side patronizingly, my eyes slanting into a glare.

I really _was_ in a bad mood. But honestly it's understandable. My best friend for the past 12 years was on his deathbed right now. _Excuse me for being a bit bitchy._

He stared at me for a second before smirking slightly.

"I like you already Reyes. You're feisty. It's cute and all, but just so we're clear here, let me remind you that right now, nobody here knows who you _really_ are. I'll treat you as my equal as long as you remember your place. Don't act like your better than me. You're a convict. A _true_ convict. Remember that. And stay close to me. I won't say it again." Bellamy whispered in a low voice, beginning to pull me along again.

My mind froze at his words.

Suddenly I felt small. I felt _belittled_. No one has ever spoken to me that way.

I didn't like it.

It made me feel trapped and small. It made me feel claustrophobic. It made me feel like how I felt when I had to sit in that tiny box under the floor for 5 years.

So I followed after Bellamy reluctantly, knowing that as soon as we had accomplished our mission, I would drop him. I would leave this weird partnership thing we had going on right now because I hated feeling trapped.

I allowed my mind to drift away from this weird feeling of claustrophobicness and began to think about the number one thing that seemed to be occupying my mind.

_Was Jasper dead?_

. . .

Hours later we were still walking through the green wilderness, much to the entire group's exhaustion. But I wasn't going to give up. Not until I found him. They could leave for all I care.

"How do we know this is the right way?" Murphy asked annoyedly.

" _We don't_." Bellamy grunted.

"Spacewalker thinks he's a tracker. So does Lori apparently." He continued, glaring slightly at me from beside.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at his choice of words.

"It's called cutting sign. Fourth-year earth skills. _They're good_." Wells defended me and Finn, which would have been something I would have smirked at, but not today.

"You want to keep it down or should I paint a target on your backs?" I snapped. The more we walked the grumpier I got. And Bellamy pulling me back everytime I tried to walk farther ahead was _not_ making this situation any better.

His toxic masculinity was getting in the way of our mission and I could tell it was actually starting to annoy the _whole_ group. Not just me.

It's aggravating but I'll deal.

I came up to a bush when I noticed a red substance dripping from the leaves. It stuck to my fingers when I touched it, and my whole body visibly froze when I realised what it was.

Jaspers blood.

I leaned down towards the ground to see that there was blood all over the rocks too, most likely meaning that he had been physically _dragged_ somewhere.

Meanwhile, Clarke and Finn were staring deeply into each other's eyes, for no particular reason at all.

"See? Invisible." I heard Bellamy say to Wells behind me.

I was going to show them what I found when suddenly the sound of a scream rang through the forest, which made me freeze yet again.

"What the hell was that? Murphy asked, his eyes searching every direction around the forest.

"Jasper." I breathed.

"Now would be a good time to take out that gun," Clarke told Bellamy.

In an instant, I tore off towards the sound, completely ignoring the soaring pain that shot through my leg every time my foot hit the ground.

The rest of the group followed behind me and despite the fact that I could see Bellamy shooting me an evil glare, I continued to run. If he thinks that he can stop me from getting to my dying best friend then he's extremely wrong.

We ran through the mossy forest stopping when his moaning grew louder and we had eventually found where he was.

But the sight wasn't pretty.

There, in the middle of a clearing was a tree. Jasper's hurt body was strung up against it, his shirt off completely. The spear was no longer in his chest and instead was a green patch on his wound.

I wanted to cry at the sight, but I stopped myself. I had to save him. I had to know if he was okay. And then I could cry.

"Oh my god," A shaky breath escaped my lips as Bellamy came to stand beside me, though I was hardly paying any attention to him.

I instantly started to run towards Jasper the best I could with the horrible pain in my leg, despite everyone's pleas for me to remain still.

"Lori be careful," Clarke advised from behind me.

"Jasper!" I ignored her.

I stopped in front of the tree, using my mind to run through the different ways I could get him out of his trapped state.

"What the hell is this?" Bellamy asked, coming up beside me to stare at the same thing.

My normal response was replaced with a scream when I lost my footing and fell into a giant make-shift hole.

 **I was dead**. I had to be dead.

But I wasn't. I opened my eyes to see Bellamy standing above me, his hand grabbing my arm, keeping me from falling onto the sharp spears below me.

And as I looked at him, immobilized by my fear, all I could think about was how **I never noticed how sad his eyes were.**

**(I know that in the video he is saving Clarke but just pretend it's Lori lol.)**

**Bellamys pov-**

_Flashback starts now-_

_"Who are we talking about?" I asked as I walked into the metal hall where all of my fellow guards were._

_My friend, Benny, looked up at me as we walked._

_"The arks most dangerous prisoner," Benny replied._

_I was sure I had heard the name before, circulating around the ark like a myth. But I never really thought her to be a real person._

_"Whos that?" I played dumb._

_They all looked at me, shock written throughout their faces._

_"You don't know who the arks most dangerous prisoner is?" My other friend Nate asked._

_I shook my head, looking down at my feet as we continued to walk through the ark and towards our station._

_"Lori Reyes. The most dangerous prisoner on the ark. Also, big-time slut." Benny spoke with a sly smirk on his face._

_I looked at him, with a raised brow, trying to figure out exactly what he was trying to say._

_"What do you mean?" I asked eagerly. Too eagerly..._

_"What he means is,_ **_he fucked her_ ** _," Nate spoke for him._

_My mind raced with thoughts, the main one being- What the fuck._

_I, of course, had heard the stories of this "Lori Reyes". Everyone has. She's a murderer with eleven bodies under her belt. But for some reason, I always had this notion in my head that she was just a story adults told to scare children into being good. I mean, no one in their right mind would ever kill eleven people. Not unless they're mentally ill or something. But here my friends are telling me that she_ **_is_ ** _real? And even worse- that he had sex with her?_

_"So she's a slut because she fucked one person?" I asked patronizingly, completely ignoring every thought in my mind that told me not to defend her._

_Benny laughed like it was funny, still not answering my question._

_"It's not funny. I don't believe you anyway." I shook my head slightly, silently praying that he'd just drop the subject. We had work to do._

_"What?! C'mon man don't be a dickwad. Trust me when I say that_ **_that girl_ ** _, is a_ **_freak_ ** _in the bedroom!" Benny exclaimed. He and Nate suddenly gave each other a nasty high five in celebration of Benny's "accomplishment"._

_I scoffed, disgusted by their behavior._

_"First of all, she would never fuck you. Second of all, you act like that's a good thing. Even if she did fuck you, she's a convict. Why is that an accomplishment? And third of all, she's not a slut just because she fucked one person. I'm sure there's more to the story. And 4th of all do you even know how old she is?" I said this all in one big breath, my anger rising just barely._

_I didn't wait for his response._

_"Rumor says she's 14. You fucked a 14-year-old girl Benny. That's illegal." I accidentally let the words slip, though I didn't even care. This topic was suddenly becoming something that seemed very much dangerous to me. Made me sick to my stomach._

_I didn't understand anything coming from their mouth anyway, it was all complete and utter bullshit._

_"Well anyway, as I was saying before you got here; chancellor Jaha asked us to keep an extra eye on her for the unity day party. And trust me, I would keep my eyes on her all night if I could, but I've got someone else to watch over. So, Bellamy, Jaha wants you to watch her tonight. Make sure she doesn't do anything illegal." Nate informed me._

**_I_ ** _had to watch her?_

_Why was I the one that had to be assigned to watch over her tonight of all people?_

_As we continued to walk through the metal halls of the ark, I allowed my mind to drift away from their conversation, and think about Lori._

_Lori Reyes. That had a nice ring to it._

_. . ._

_Later I was at the unity day party, looking for Lori. How was I supposed to find her if I didn't even know what she looked like?_

_But then the doors opened for the hundredth time that night, and a girl surrounded by at least 5 guards walked into the room._

_There was no doubt in my mind it was her._

_I watched as the guards rough-housed her, trying to get her to cooperate. I wanted to go get her. To pull her away from the guards that were getting a little too touchy for comfort._

_But then they let her go, causing a relieved sigh to escape my lips._

_I watched as she ran towards 2 boys, one with goggles and one with shaggy black hair. She embraced them in a tight hug, and for some reason, my eyes just couldn't seem to look away._

_Nate came up beside me, his eyes following mine over to Lori._

_"Wow. Benny really wasn't lying when he said she was hot. Go over and talk to her. I guarantee you'll get some pussy." Nate laughed lightly._

_Without thinking I flung my fist into his nose._

_Nate fell backward and I knew I was bound to get in trouble later. But I barely even cared. He was a horrible friend to me anyway. Really I was just taking out the trash._

_I watched Lori and Octavia for the whole night, although I never went up and talked to her. I watched them up until the point that guards surged through the room checking for id chips._

_Lori Reyes floated out of my mind like a distant memory. And I never thought about her again until the day I saw her walk out of the crowd on the dropship. Although she looked different then. Stronger._

_End of flashback._

**Back to present-day moment-**

Lori's eyes teared up with fear, almost paralyzing me.

She was hanging below me, silently begging me to save her from her almost certain death.

I only then realized how much control I had over the situation when I saw my hand gripped onto hers. I could get rid of her.

I could let her fall and die.

She's killed eleven people, and my whole life I've been trained to think that people like that don't deserve to live. _Murderers_ don't deserve to live.

"Pull her up! Pull her up!" Clarke and Finn yelled frantically.

I began to pull her back up with ease, disgusted at myself for thinking such things.

Everyone rushed over to us all at once and a deep feeling of regret burned in the pit of my stomach. But then I reminded myself that there were more important things at hand than _Lori Reyes_. She was just some silly, girl.

And the only reason I was intrigued by her, is because I needed her for my plan.

I hope.

**Lori's pov-**

Just as I thought Bellamy was about to let me fall to my death, I saw something switch in his eyes and he pulled me up almost instantly.

Clarke and Finn helped him pull me onto the ground, and once I was about halfway, Bellamy's hands wrapped around my waist tugging me completely up with ease.

As I struggled to breathe I knew that I should have been questioning the fact that Bellamy was going to let me fall, but all I could think about was Jasper.

"Are you okay?" Finn asked lightly.

I looked up at Bellamy who still had his hands wrapped around my waist tightly as if I would fall again. He seemed out of it. Like he wasn't actually here.

"Yeah. yeah, I'm okay. We need to get him down." I commanded, tearing my eyes away from Bellamy's sad ones.

Finn nodded.

"I'll climb up there and cut the vine," Finn stated, his attention going straight back to Jasper just as mine had.

"Yeah yeah I'm with you," Wells added, beginning to go help Finn.

"No. You stay here with Lori. And watch _him_." Finn gave a rather nasty look to Bellamy as he said this. It seemed he was the only one that knew that Bellamy was contemplating on dropping me.

" _You_. Let's go." Finn told Murphy, who silently obliged.

I recovered from my near-death experience almost instantly, worming out of Bellamy's grasp so I could do whatever was possible to help.

A second of silence passed as Clarke looked up at Jasper's body.

"There's a poultice on his wound." Clarke realized.

I followed her gaze to the small patch they covered his wound with, not completely following.

"Medicine? Why would they save his life, just to string him up as live bait?" Wells asked stupidly.

"Maybe what they're trying to catch, likes its dinner to be breathing," Bellamy suggested, that being the first time he had spoken since the incident.

"Maybe what they're trying to catch is us." Me and Finn both said at the same time.

. . .

A couple of minutes later, Finn and Murphy were on the tree, trying to cut off the vines that enclosed Jasper's wounded body.

"Hurry up!" Bellamy shouted.

"Be careful!" Clarke re-stated.

When a low growl came from the trees, everyone turned to see what it was, me included.

"What the hell was that?" Murphy asked.

"Grounders?" Bellamy continued.

We all looked through the trees, and that's when I saw it. Standing there about 20 feet away was a giant panther reaching up to about my knees looking ready to kill.

My suspicions were correct seeing as how it began to jump out of the trees and directly towards _me._

"Bellamy! Gun!" Clarke shouted.

I looked over in Bellamy's direction to see him patting his pockets, gun nowhere in sight. He looked over at me and then back to the panther, fear evident in his eyes, and right as a gunshot sounded through the air, Bellamy's arms grabbed me from beside, effectively pulling me away from the panthers attack.

He pulled me into him, hands resting along my waist, our bodies pointed towards the sound of the gunshot to see Wells.

_We are so screwed._

_I knew Wells would be the death of us someday. I just didn't expect it to be this goddamn soon._

Growls erupted from all over the trees now, making it impossible to tell where the rabid animal was. Bellamy turned my body with his in a circular motion frantically trying to figure out where the panther was headed for his next attack, because for all we knew it could be headed for _us_.

Well's fired shot after shot in all directions and I knew he would be almost out of bullets, though I was too frightened to say or do anything.

Suddenly the gunshots and the growling stopped, our breathing the only sound heard.

Bellamy's chest rose and fell rapidly against my back, letting me know he was there. And I was comforted by this motion for a second before suddenly the panther came from behind a bush lunging at me _again_.

I closed my eyes shut expecting to feel the panther's claws latched onto me but all I felt was Bellamy pushing me out of the way and stepping in front of me. And all I heard was one gunshot.

I opened my eyes slowly, to see Bellamy now in front of me, and the panther dead on the floor in front of him.

The panther had been hit by Wells' last fire. Though I already knew that that wasn't going to make anyone happy. For Wells just screwed up _big time_.

Me and Bellamy could both hear the clicking of an empty gun from behind us, immediately knowing who it was coming from. Bellamy turned around slowly to face wells, a fuming look on his face. If looks could kill, Wells would be dead.

We all panted as he dropped the gun.

" _Now she sees you_ ," Bellamy's tone was passive-aggressive as he pulled me away from Wells rather angrily.

. . .

"They're back!" A boy shouted as we approached the camp, Jasper hung on Bellamy's shoulder.

I had forced Bellamy to carry Jasper all the way home, to which he had reluctantly agreed, calling me a meanie. But I could tell he was secretly happy to be carrying Jasper back home. I'd like to think that we're _all_ happy that he was alive.

"Over there," A girl exclaimed, pointing towards me and the rest of the group as we neared the loud crowd.

Murphy and Finn placed the giant bag down that we had used to carry the panther for food.

Monty came running out of the dropship eagerly, his eyes lighting up in fear when he saw Jaspers almost lifeless body.

"Is he-" Monty started.

"He's alive." Clarke interrupted before he could finish, much to his relief.

"I need boiled water and strips of cloth for a bandage," Clarke ordered as Bellamy passed Jasper over gently for me and Monty to carry into the dropship.

I watched as Bellamy walked away to help with the panther, slightly wishing he would have stayed so we could go over our plan again, seeing as it wasn't exactly full proof.

But I decided not to go talk to him because it was night time, and all I cared about was Jasper.

"Who's hungry!" I heard Bellamy shout from behind me, and the crowd erupted into cheers of Bellamys and sometimes my names.

I guess they saw me as a sort of leader around here.

Cool, cool, cool.

. . .

Hours later me and Monty were sitting around Jaspers asleep body waiting for him to wake up.

My hand grasped his and Monty's tightly, needing some kind of support after the long day I had.

All around the camp people cheered for the fact that they were alive, or cried for the fact that we were on the ground. They were happy we were free, but at what cost? My friend's life? I knew he wasn't necessarily dead- but he _was_ technically _dying_ slowly due to what might have been an infection, alongside the fact that he had already lost tons of blood.

I was angry.

The ark _would_ get what they deserved even if I had to sacrifice myself to do it. The little respect I had for them was now gone as I held onto my best friend's bloody hand.

The ark sent us down here without blinking an eye and somehow I was going to show them that our lives mattered.

"I'll get revenge, Monty I promise. The ark will loathe the say they sent us down to earth. I will make sure that every last one of them feels grief. I fucking promise you that." I told Monty.

Monty nodded his head solemnly, feeling the same anger I felt.

If the ark hadn't had sent us to the ground then none of this would have happened.

. . .

"What? No that's ridiculous! I'm staying right here." I said. 5 hours later it was still dark outside and Clarke was trying to get me to get up and go eat the panther they had now cooked outside. But there was no way I was going to leave Jasper. I only just got him back.

Right at that moment, my stomach chose the _perfect_ time to grumble, clearly displaying my hunger to everyone in the dropship. _Ugh_.

"Lori you need to eat or else your leg won't heal! You haven't eaten in like 2 days since we got here! Get up, now!" Clarke demanded.

I scoffed at her bossiness, wishing that I had something more logical to say. But it was true, I hadn't eaten in two days.

"You don't get to tell me what to do Clarke," I stated with a smug smirk, crossing my arms defiantly.

"No, but I do. Get up. Now." Bellamy suddenly walked into the dropship, leaning his broad shoulders against the doorframe.

I rolled my eyes at him, a slight anger bubbling in my stomach.

"Make me," I grinned, completely thinking that he would be abl to do nothing at this.

To my surprise, Bellamy took no hesitation in marching his way over to me with a determined look in his eye.

He grabbed my arm pulling me upwards from where I sat beside Jasper.

"When was the last time she ate?" Bellamy asked Clarke as if I wasn't standing right in front of him.

"2 days ago. When we landed." Clarke revealed.

I fake gasped and pretended to look hurt at Clarkes "betrayal".

Bellamy looked at me once again.

"Cmon. Let's get you some food, Lori." Bellamy spoke more lightly this time before continuing to try and pull me outside. But I wasn't budging.

"No. I have to stay here with Jasper." I breathed, my eyes drifting down to look at my best friends limp position on the makeshift bed.

"I'll watch him. Bellamy and Clarke are right. You need to eat." Monty walked into the ship, much to my dismay.

"But what if he wakes up! I need to be here for him." I scoffed.

Monty put his hand on my shoulder calmingly.

"Lori please just listen to them. I'll come get you when he wakes up. I promise." Monty comforted.

I frowned at his words, my heart not yet wanting to pull away from Jasper. It was like at every moment, I worried that he would get worse, or die. And the only thing that helped was never letting him out of my sight.

Despite Monty's words I was still preparing to run away to the other side of the ship where no one could get me.

But right as I tried to escape, Bellamy grabbed me, slinging me over his shoulders easily. I was shocked at the sudden movement, but nonetheless continued to jab at him.

"Let me go!" I shouted, my fist pounding on his back semi-lightly.

"Sorry, Lori. But I can't work with you unless you're strong. Which means you have to eat." Bellamy spoke as he walked out of the dropship with me on his shoulders.

He set me down outside near the fire grabbing a piece of panther for me to eat.e

"What is this _really_ about Bellamy?" I asked with an eye roll.

Bellamy scoffed.

"Can't I just be genuinely concerned for your well being? Geesh." He pretended to look hurt at my accusation, which only made me roll my eyes further.

"Nope. Not you. Tell me what's really up." I cocked my head to the side in a quizatory manner, trying to understand why he was _just now_ even interested in my well being. it's not like we talked a whole bunch- only about our plan.

Bellamys face instantly tensed up.

"What's with you blake? What's going on inside that curly little head of yours?" I asked through gritted teeth. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little angry at him right now.

He stood there for a second, staring at me as if I would bite him.

"I guess I just wanted to say I'm sorry," He sighed exasperatedly, looking away and refusing to meet my eyes.

"For?" I pushed, raising my eyebrow again,

He twiddled with his fingers slightly, rolling his eyes before forcing himself to look me face to face.

"About earlier. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. My mother raised a gentleman. So can we just forget about it and move on?" He asked reluctantly.

My mind drifted back to earlier when he had belittled me. He was sorry for _that_ of all things? Not the fact that he was literally thinking about letting me drop into a pit of spears?

Disappointment filled my stomach as I looked at him, trying to see if he was even telling the truth about what he had just said.

But I could tell he was having a hard time apologizing so I decided to make the best of it; See what I could get out of the situation.

"Hmmm. _Maybe_. I'll think about it. Only if I get extra food for a whole week." I smiled persuasively, batting my eyelashes despite the fact that I was disappointed.

He scoffed, rolling _his_ eyes.

"Don't push it, Reyes." He whispered lowly, causing a shiver to run up my spine.

I couldn't help the small eye roll that made its way to my face again, and Bellamy caught it.

"You know if you keep rolling your eyes like that, they'll fall out of your head," Bellamy smiled goofily, which did make me feel somewhat better.

I smiled slightly, amused by the fact that _Bellamy Blake_ could smile.

"We're equal okay?" He asked with an extended hand to shake.

I rolled my eyes for the billionth time, before shaking his hand reluctantly.

"Fine," I grumbled.

I began to walk off, with my food in tow, when he grabbed my arm, pulling me back to him.

"I'll get you the extra food. Only because I can't have you dying of malnutrition on our first day as partners. Just don't tell anyone." He whispered into my ear before he let go, now walking off as if he hadn't said anything.

He left me there with an idiodic grin on my face, and I completely forgot about him wanting to drop me into a pit of spears. Maybe he wasn't _so_ bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 𝐇𝐞𝐲, 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐢𝐬𝐧❜𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠❗
> 
> 𝐀𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲, 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐢❜𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞.
> 
> 𝐀𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐲, 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫❜𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬.
> 
> 𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐢- 𝟏𝟕
> 
> 𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐲- 𝟏𝟗
> 
> 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐞- 𝟏𝟗 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐟 (𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧❜𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞)
> 
> 𝐉𝐚𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫- 𝟏𝟕
> 
> 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐲- 𝟏𝟕
> 
> 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭❜𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐲. 𝐔𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬❗


	8. ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟝- ❞𝕀𝕥❜𝕤 𝕠𝕜𝕒𝕪 𝕥𝕠 𝕓𝕖 𝕤𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕖𝕕❞ ❞𝕀 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕀 𝕒𝕞❞ ✅

**Song for this chapter-** **_ New Person, Same Old Mistakes by Tame Impala _ **

**THE NEXT MORNING-**

"You did what?!" I tried to lower my voice but it definitely wasn't working.

"Shhhh. keep it down, keep it down." Bellamy shushed me, his finger moving to his mouth as he said this.

I scoffed slightly, glaring at him while I put a new cold washcloth on Jasper's forehead.

"Bellamy you can't just tie people up to a tree, leave them there the whole night, and lie about where they were, just because they kissed your sister!" I whisper shouted.

Right now he and I were the only ones in the dropship, besides Jasper who was still laying on the ground, moaning in pain every so often. And last night, while I was up all night fighting sleep in hopes of Jasper waking up, apparently without consulting me, Bellamy and Murphy tied Atom to a tree and left him there the whole night as punishment for kissing Octavia.

Now, you can only imagine my reaction when I found this out, because not only did he make this decision behind my back, but he also did it in the first place. It was wrong of him to even do is what I'm saying.

"Would you please keep it down, people can hear you!" Bellamy exclaimed with wide eyes.

I rolled my eyes at his embarrassment.

"Bellamy we're the only 2 people in this ship besides Jasper. Nobody can hear us." My fingers twiddled with Jaspers subconsciously as I said this as if Jasper were to twiddle back, but we both knew he wouldn't.

"You don't know that Lori." Bellamy groaned, shifting his position where he sat to rest his face in his hands.

"Oh my god, _stop being such a grump_. How else am I supposed to react when I find out that number one- you did something without me. And number 2- you left someone IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING WOODS AT NIGHT!" I shouted.

Bellamy didn't shush me this time knowing I was right, but he did look away from me shyly, probably thinking of what to bite back with.

"Well, I knew what you would say," He mumbled.

" _What would I have said if you had asked me if hanging someone on a tree and leaving them there for the whole night was a good idea?_ " I couldn't help the sarcastic tone to my voice as the words came out.

He didn't respond.

"Exactly! You shouldn't have done it, Bellamy. From now on, don't make any executive orders unless you ask me first." I glared at him, to which he just scowled.

It was official. The two of us were now partners in crime. Which in hindsight might have been a bad idea, based on the fact that we can't go a full three sentences without jabbing at the other person, but we were trying to make it work.

And while I didn't necessarily know _why_ he didn't want the ark to come down, I figured it was best to not ask. We were both already in such bad moods, and to be honest I didn't really even need to know why if it was helping me anyways.

"I'm sorry Lori but the people need to know their place," Bellamy stated, though I could tell he only half-heartedly believed what he said.

I snorted.

" _Where have I heard that before_ ," I smirked slightly, trying to lighten the mood but nothing came of it.

Bellamy didn't laugh, instead, he acted as if I hadn't had said anything at all.

"I'm serious Lori." He groaned, after a while of just silence.

"I am too. Look, all I'm saying is that right now, more than ever the people need to feel safe, and they're all looking at us along with Clarke to make them feel that way. Tying people up to a tree and leaving them there the whole night is definitely _not_ the way to make them feel safe." I wiped Jasper's face again with a cold cloth, the faint image of him tied up to the tree by the grounders in mind. One things for sure, _I_ definitely didn't feel safe.

"Yeah, yeah," Bellamy waved his hands dismissively, finally looking up at me with a classical Bellamy smirk.

"Now get out, you're taking up too much of my time," I glared playfully at him whilst in the back of my mind thinking about the ways he could screw everything up.

He nodded reluctantly, giving me one last eye roll as he opened the hatch to the dropship and went down to the lower level.

. . .

"His pulse is 380," The sound of Clarke fumbling around with her medical equipment could be heard through the 3rd level of the dropship, where we were both sitting.

I had no idea what that meant, but didnt say anything to it, figuring that Clarke knew what she was doing.

I didn't trust Clarke- not that that was any new information. I didn't trust anyone really. But there _was_ always _one thing_ I could count on her for. One thing that at the end of the day, I knew she would always do. Help and save people. So instead of putting my trust in her herself, I put my trust in her strive for always wanting to help everyone, no matter the situation. Medically speaking of course. It was clear that Jasper was her number one priority now, which made me feel very slightly better about the whole situation- though don't get me wrong, I was still keeping her at a distance. Just because she was saving my best friend's life didn't mean that I was automatically going to forgive her for everything that she had said and done to me in the past.

Jasper screamed again loudly, making me cover my ears in an attempt to not have to hear the absolute pain in his voice.

"Go back to sleep!" Someone shouted at Jasper from downstairs.

"Quiet!" Another one yelled.

Jasper had been groaning and screaming since we got back, and because of that, no one throughout the entire camp could get any rest. And I honestly didn't feel any empathy for them whatsoever. If I couldn't get any sleep, then at least it soothed me to know that they couldn't get any either.

"Don't listen to them. Your gonna make it through this, okay?" Clarke spoke softly to Jaspers un-listening ears. "Promise." She added.

I hated the fact that Clarke Griffin of all people was the one I just _had_ to be stuck with during this whole process. _Bad luck_ is what I call it, _others_ might call it fate. And to them I say piss off. She was the only one out of the rest of the delinquents that could help Jasper- and _wanted to_ at that. And since, I wasn't going to leave his side, that meant that Clarke wasn't either. That's not _fate_. It's just my fucking luck _._

And so along with the sound of Jaspers groans, people could also hear the constant bickering between us. Well... more than just bickering. Full-on arguments would be the correct term.

Clarke didn't like the fact that I seemed to have formed some kind of alliance with Bellamy. She said that he was a bad person and that he was hiding something. And she never failed to remind me of the fact that Bellamy was going to let me fall into a pit of spears, that one day we saved Jasper. And even though I knew that there was reason behind her voice, I still chose to ignore it.

Stopping the ark from coming down here was what's good for me and all of the rest of the people in this camp, in my opinion. I was doing the best thing for them for god's sake. I should be getting _praised_ right now!

But I guess Clarke thought otherwise.

"Can he just die already?" I heard someone ask from downstairs.

My already fumbling hands went berserk at that, and I shot up from where I sat on the floor, reaching for the knife I kept buried deep in my boot.

Clarke grabbed my reaching hand spinning me back around to face her.

" _Lori no_ ," Clarke warned.

Her warning was useless seeing as how in mere seconds I was able to use my other hand to grab the knife from my boot and point it towards her chest.

"They need to know that I won't allow them to sit in here and wait for my best friend to die!" I shouted, loud enough to where they could definitely hear me.

The knife in my hands shook along with my trembling fingers, and I grabbed it tighter, trying to contain the tears forming in my eyes.

It was apparent that I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. No sleep, plus not much socialization, plus stress, put me on a whole new level of anger, among other things. _Murderous rage_ was probably the more accurate term really.

"Lori I understand how you feel, but yelling is not the answer," Clarke cautioned.

" _This_ is not the answer." She slowly wrapped her hands around my knife as she said this.

I tugged away from her grip, eager to snap at someone.

"Do you Clarke? Do you _really_ understand how I feel?" I shouted at her, my knife going straight back up to her neck this time.

"How many people have you killed Clarke?" I trembled under her gaze, but didnt pull the weapon away.

She furrowed her brows, slightly confused as to why I was asking.

"How many people have you watched _die_ right before you own eyes?" My voice became venomous as I said this, the knife I held now touching the skin on her neck.

"None." Her voice was slightly shaky, and I could tell she was feeling more fearful now seeing as how her eyes kept flitting back and forth between me and the blade against her skin.

"I was five years old, Clarke. _Five years old_ when your mother killed my mother in front of my eyes and left me to rot in a cell without so much as a pillow. And you're just a reminder of that. Just a reminder that while I spent my entire life in agony, your mother got away with everything. Every single bit. _My own twin sister didn't trust me,_ you know that? I tried to tell her. Tried to explain the fact that ma died because of your mother. And she didn't listen. No one did. No one but the person who's lying down on that cot right now that just had a spear thrown into his chest. And the whole entire camp wants him dead, just for a couple more useless minutes of sleep." I couldn't help but go all out, anger and sadness leaking into every word I said.

" _So then I ask again_...do you _really_ know how I feel?" My voice came out weaker than I anticipated, my head leaned back slightly so as to not let any tears fall though I still kept my eyes on her, awaiting an answer.

I was sure I looked a mess on the outside, after a couple of days without a shower. But Clarke didn't seem to care.

She carefully approached me, trying not to set me off again and I quickly shut my eyes, causing a tiny tear to slip out. She needed to be more careful. Just one move and I could stab the knife into her neck like I had done to so many others before. Just _one tiny thing_ to set me off again and she could be dead whether I wanted to kill her or not.

I opened my eyes back up again to see Clarkes hand on my blade, slowly trying to pull it down and out of my hands. A shaky breath escaped my lips as she did this, every instinct in my body fighting hard to not stab the weapon into her neck.

I was surprised I had the amount of self-control not to do so at the moment, but truthfully it was probably just a result of how tired I was.

"You know what? No. Your right, no, I don't understand how you feel. But I do have sympathy. I know how close you and Jasper are." Clarke looked less fearful now that the blade wasn't directly placed against her neck, though I knew that it didn't matter if the blade was there or not. I could kill her with it from across the room if I really wanted to.

"How long have you known him for?" She surprised me by asking.

My gaze drifted over slightly to the unconscious boy before moving back over to her, questioningly.

" _What games are you trying to play Clarke?_ " My voice was hoarse, though the grip I had on my knife quickly tightened again, moving up slightly towards her chest.

She immediately realized she had upset me and quickly changed her demeanor, putting her hands in the air as a sign of hospitality.

"It's just a question Lori. Answer the question." She spoke again, her eyes shifting slightly to the knife before quickly coming back up to mine.

"For 12 years," My voice trembled as I spoke, and I felt another hot tear slide down my cheek, not caring enough to wipe it away.

_Don't trust her._ My brain told me.

_She's just like the other privileged people that you hate so much on the ark. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. And the tree killed your mother._

As she got closer, I backed up a little out of habit, confliction running through every part of my body. Clarke clearly sensed my hesitance and continued to try and pry her way into my mind, knowing that this was her chance to disarm me.

"Ah. 12 years. That's a long time huh?" She asked warmly.

My brain was in complete shambles now at her further questioning towards my best friend, so many thoughts billowing through my head.

She moved closer to me, now reaching out for both my hands as if I were a child throwing a temper tantrum. I flinched slightly at the movement, but it was clear to me that I wasn't going to kill her now. I _couldn't._ Which is worse.

"How did you first meet him?" She asked carefully, both my hands in hers now, the knife just barely touching my skin. At this point I was shaking violently, my mind racing with thoughts about Jasper. Our memories together.

"W-we were both put into the skybox together. He sat by me in the cafeteria, and let me hold his hand because I was s-scared." I had no idea why I was telling her this, or why I let her fully take the knife from me. These were precious memories. Things I hold so dear to my heart that I almost never let anyone know about them. But I _did know_ that I was exhausted. Feeling like I could pass out at any second.

"And Monty? How did you meet him?" I was too distracted by her questions to notice that Clarke was pulling me to a more dimly lit corner of the room now.

"H-he was put into the skybox too. I-i think that's how we met." I answered mindlessly.

She looked at me softly and I soon felt my back against the cool wall of the dropship as she had somehow managed to get me in the corner of the room.

"How long ago was that?" She asked.

"11 years ago." My eyes closed slightly at the thought, and suddenly my head felt heavier than before, as did my eyelids.

Some silence passed where Clarke just stared at me, obviously having something else she wanted to say. I wanted to know what it was, but I was too tired. I could hardly hear my own thoughts. It was as if I had none.

"I'm sorry Lori. For everything that happened. Everything that I did. And I know you're probably too tired and out of it right now to fully understand what I'm saying, but I want you to know that I care. I never stopped caring. You were my friend. And I turned my back on you, which now I know was a mistake. If I could go back in time and change it I would. But I can't and I know that it's too late now anyways. What's done is done. What's been is what will continue to be. You hate me and that's fine, but I don't hate you Lori. I never have. And I-I'm sorry I ever made you feel like I did." Clarke was tearing up now as my back slid down the wall and I dropped onto the floor, not completely hearing or comprehending everything that she was saying. Just the way she was saying it. Her voice sounded really soft, really comforting, which was all I was able to hear.

Everything bad in the world floated out of my mind for a few brief seconds as I looked at her face, practically half asleep already. And I smiled. It was a tiny smile. One that probably looked more like a scowl if anything.

"Goodnight Lori." a tear slipped out of her eye as mine closed in front of her, that being the last thing I heard before I drifted off into a much needed slumber.

. . .

**LATER ON AT NIGHTTIME-**

Later I woke up, to see Monty standing right above my face, poking me eagerly.

"What do you want?" I coughed as the words left my lips, the back of my throat hurting more than I imagined it would.

"It's my turn to sleep, remember?" Monty asked. His voice was hoarse and I could tell he was obviously not in the best mood, judging by the blunt tone of his voice.

My back cracked in pain as I sat up from the hard metal floor, looking around me for any signs of Clarke. What the hell had happened last night? And why do my eyes feel so puffy that they can hardly even open?

"Yeah, I remember. What time is it?" I asked.

He moved closer to me, helping me to stand up.

"It's still nighttime, probably around 3am or so." He responded.

I looked up at him only to realize that the dark circles under his eyes had become way more apparent than before. I wasn't the only one that hadn't gotten much sleep since we came back.

I knew that I had only just gotten about 3 hours of sleep, but I got up anyway because I could tell that Monty needed sleep more than I did.

"Where's Clarke?" I asked, suddenly remembering the very faint image of my knife pointed at her chest. Did I...did I kill her?

"Right here," Clarke had suddenly opened the hatch to our level of the dropship with a steaming bowl of water in her hands, and I let out a sigh of relief.

"What the hell happened last night? I feel like my brain is about to implode or something." I grumbled, rubbing my eyes slightly at the thought.

She turned around to face Jasper, her expression not in my line of vision anymore.

"Nothing. You just got really tired and I figured it might be good for you to get a bit of rest." She said casually.

I ran my hands through my hair as she said this, having a very strange feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"So I _didn't_ hold a knife to your chest?" I asked hopefully, my brain working hard to remember all of the details.

She stopped moving around at that, and I could tell that maybe I should have stopped asking questions there.

"No you definitely _did._ But it was nothing. You were really tired and probably not even thinking about what you were doing at the time. And nobody got hurt so it's okay." I heard the grimace in her voice, and a disappointed look suddenly took over my face.

" _Sorry?_ " The word sounded foreign on my tongue, as I was not sure if I meant it or not. Though I _was_ sure that whatever I did to her was probably deserved. I mean c'mon it's Clarke Griffin.

"Alright, well can you please come get me when Jasper wakes up? I have to go do something really quickly. Monty, get some rest." I ordered.

I looked over at him only to realize he was already asleep. I smiled to myself sadly at the sight. We kids could only handle so much.

"I'll come to get you if he wakes up while you're gone," Clarke nodded as she moved around the room, trying to find the supplies she needed for whatever she was about to do.

I nodded my head, without saying anything as I walked down the hatch and through the lower level, glaring at the people that were all whispering about Jaspers constant screaming as I walked by.

I felt the cool nighttime breeze sweep by me when I had finally reached the outside of the dropship. Moonlight illuminated the area around me, and the distant snores of other campers could be heard, through the tents. Fire's had been placed around the camp as people sat by them, attempting to get warm through the chilly night.

Despite, the overall calmness of the area, I could still feel a deep anxiety in the pit of my stomach. Maybe that was normal considering, my best friend could die. On the ark they gave me medication for it because it was so bad. And if I didn't take it, then I'd usually end up hurting someone which they couldn't afford to happen. Things are different now though. I can't get any medication down here. Which is going to end up being a problem sooner or later, I can just feel it.

As I walked over to one of the fires so I could try and calm myself, I heard screaming coming from someone around me.

"No!" A little girl yelled.

"No! No!" She yelled again, her voice cracking slightly.

My instincts kicked in and I walked towards the sound of the child's voice, hoping that she wasn't hurt. I walked up a steep hill towards the screaming, only to see that she was fast asleep, squirming violently in her bed. I sighed in relief at the sight, glad that no one was hurt, although she was in obvious distress.

"Hey. Wake up." I said softly, putting my hand on her shoulder. She gasped awake instantly, sitting up in bed looking at her surroundings as if a rabid animal were to attack her from the trees.

"It's okay," I whispered softly.

"It's okay," I repeated, as she looked up at me, her forehead caked in sweat.

I almost gasped at the sight of her tiny face. She was a child. A literal child. Probably around the age of 12-13.

The ark sent a child to the ground.

Anger burned through my veins, but I pushed it aside, attempting to calm down the scared girl to the best of my ability.

"It's just a dream." I assured as she continued to look around like a scared deer.

I wanted to cry at the sight of the poor girl. She had obviously been put under too much stress. Honestly, I think we've all been put under too much stress.

But a little girl shouldn't _have_ to experience this kind of stress.

"You're Charlotte, right?" I asked, hoping that the name I've been hearing circling around the camp was hers.

She didn't respond.

"I'm Lori," I reached out my hand for her to shake, to which she looked away from. She curled up her legs into a ball, not bothering to look at me, obviously still scared out of her mind. Her hands were shaking slightly, the look on her face all too familiar to me.

"It's okay to be scared," I said softly, the stillness of the night soaring through the air.

"I know I am," I mumbled.

She continued to stare off into the distance, not yet attempting to speak to me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked. I moved to sit down by her, against the tree. Tears welled in her eyes as she was probably thinking back on her dream, or whatever it was she was scared of.

"It's...my parents." The girl took in a hitched breath, rubbing her eyes slightly as a few tears slipped out.

"They were floated and they- they- they seeded my dreams. And I just-" She started, fumbling over her words, her voice small and scared

"I understand," I said quickly.

A look of hesitance crossed both of her eyes, and I took a leap of faith, hoping that I would be able to connect with the sad girl on some level. Hoping that I could help her feel less alone.

"My mom was floated too," My voice raised to just barely a whisper, and she finally looked up at me, sniffling slightly.

I nodded my head slowly at the quizatory look on her face, the very faint memory of my mom's execution passing through my mind.

This seemed to make the girl calm just a little, enough for her to scooch slightly closer to me.

"So, how'd you end up here?" I quickly asked, not wanting to dwell on that sad topic. Death is a scary thing. Especially for a child. I should know from experience. And this girl certainly should not have to think about it for too long.

She looked up at me as if scared to answer the question, so I prodded her with my eyes, telling her it was okay and that I wouldn't get mad at whatever it was she had to say.

What could a child have possibly done to deserve being with the rest of us 100?

"Well, we were taking my parent's things to the redistribution center and... I kind of lost it." She spoke more normally this time.

She looked at me and I smiled at her slightly.

"They said I assaulted a guard." She lightly chuckled, sadness still edged in her voice. I chuckled as well, happy at the fact that she seemed to still have some sort of a positive look on things.

"I can't say I blame you," I smiled knowingly.

She wiped her nose with her hand, now looking away from me and I looked up into the night sky, searching for the ark.

"You see that bright star up there?" I asked, pointing at the "bright star" in question.

She looked up at the sky searching for the star as well.

"That's the ark. Orbiting above us." I stated calmly.

I took in a deep breath, turning my head away from the night sky to look at her once more.

"I think that whatever happened up there... you know, the pain... _the suffering_ , maybe we can move past that now. Maybe, being on the ground is our second chance." I surprised even myself by saying.

"Do you really believe that?" She suddenly asked, as if knowing how much I hated the ark.

I smiled at her sadly looking down at my shoes then back up at her. In my heart, I knew that I _wanted_ to believe it. To believe that all of the horrible, terrible, bloody things I did up there would be forgiven. I often thought about it alot. About how I never wanted the forgiveness of the people on the ark per say. But more of the forgiveness from myself...or, or the people that I killed.

I thought about what Clarke would say to the young girl.

"I'm trying to," I said finally, choosing the best option to be a median between hating the ark and liking the ark.

She wiped away her tears, and I pulled her into a hug hoping that she would soon fall asleep again- this time without nightmares.

She rested her head on my shoulder comfortably as I looked back up at the night sky, unaware that a sad Bellamy Blake had overheard the entire conversation, astonished at the sight of a non-snarky, non-mean Lori Reyes.

To him, the girl seemed almost like a dream.

She intrigued him more than he cared to admit, and so as he overheard the conversation he did something he told himself he couldn't do this whole time when he looked at Lori Reyes.

He smiled.


	9. ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟞- ❞𝕃𝕚𝕗𝕖 𝕚𝕤𝕟❜𝕥 𝕗𝕒𝕚𝕣. 𝔸𝕥 𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕥 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕦𝕡 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕠𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕜.❞ ✅

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU BEGIN CHAPTER‼️
> 
> 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐤. 𝐈❜𝐦 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐭.
> 
> 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝟒 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐥𝐝. 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐨.
> 
> 𝐑𝐨𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐩

**Song for this chapter-** **_ Homage by Mild High Club _ **

**_Flashback begins-_ **

_"But I don't wanna go in again!" I yelled angrily as my mom tried to force me back into the secluded dark hole under the floor._

_"But baby, you have to. It will only be for a couple of minutes, I promise." My mom said, kindness etched into her voice._

_I looked over at Raven to see if she could help me, but she just looked away._

_Lately, she's been... distant. Me and her were always close, seeing as we are twins, but somethings changed._

_"How come Raven gets to stay up here and I don't!" I yelled._

_Raven and my mom shared a pained expression as they looked at me. I was still young and not yet accustomed to the fact that Raven was allowed to be birthed and I wasn't. I didn't understand it. Apparently Raven did though._

_"Baby, please just listen to me. I promise-" My mom started, but she was cut off by the sound of loud footsteps marching down the hall._

_My mom looked at me, fear in her eyes, eager to get me back under the floor._

_"Listen to me, baby. You need to go under the floor just for a few seconds okay?" She asked._

_I looked over at Raven once again to see that she as well looked eager to get me under the floor._

_I didn't understand. Why did everyone want to shove me into a hole in the ground? Did they not like me or something? And how come Raven didn't have to?_

_Soon enough, after a couple of seconds of waiting for me to move to the floor, my mom decided to take matters into her own hands._

_She grabbed me, opening the secret hatch to the floor at the same time. I was tiny and not yet strong enough to be able to successfully worm away from her grasp. But that didn't stop me from trying._

_I kicked and punched in all directions as she continued to shove me into the box, but my efforts failed as soon enough, I was trapped in it. Light nowhere in sight._

_But what everyone didn't know was that there was a reason why I hated the box under the floor so much. It wasn't just because I was a whiny child and it was boring in there._

_I was scared of it. I was terrified of the dark small hole under the ground that my mom stuffed me into every time she heard footsteps. It made me feel small and alone._

_I was a child, and when you stuff a child into a dark box under the floor, without their parents, they develop a fear of it._

_Claustrophobia was what it was called._

_I trembled in fear, holding on tightly to the bear I kept in my hands at all times, waiting for the door to open back up._

_"What are you doing in here?" I heard my mom ask from above me._

_Her voice was muffled and distorted by the metal that separated us._

_I hated that too. I hated the way her voice sounded from above me, through the metal. It scared me._

_"I came here to talk to you about something important. Is it okay if we step outside for a moment?" I heard Abby Griffin say._

_I was no stranger to the fact that Raven didn't like mom. I never knew why though until years later..._

_I was also no stranger to the fact that she had been hanging out with Abby Griffin a lot more than usual. So I wasn't surprised to hear her come into the room._

_"Uh, yeah, sure." my mom mumbled._

_From that point forward I stopped listening to what they were saying, too caught up in my own fear of the darkness around me._

_Tears streamed down my eyes, as I worried about when they would let me back out. Usually Raven would give me a flashlight or something, while I was under here but this time she didn't, leaving me alone in the dark with no one I loved in sight._

_Hours upon hours passed by of me still in the box, crying silently, before eventually, the door opened back up to reveal my mom, standing above me, blinding lights behind her._

_Her face softened at the sight of my trembling body, immediately pulling me up and out of the box, and into a hug._

_I cried into her shirt, thankful to be back in her embrace._

_Only something was wrong... I could feel it._

_I looked around the room only to realize that Raven was gone._

_"Where's Raven?" I asked through my sobs._

_My mom pulled away from the hug to look me in the eyes, sadly._

_"She's with Abby baby. She'll be back tomorrow." My mom said softly, trying to cover the fact that she was sad about the fact that Raven chose Abby over her, time and time again._

_I sniffled in a cry shoving myself back into my mom's embrace tightly, needing some comfort after the endless hours I just spent in the box._

_"Why don't I have a name?"I cried._

_She pulled me tighter into the hug as if she was afraid I would leave her too, like Raven._

_"Twins aren't allowed to have names." My mom tried her best to sugarcoat. What she really meant was that_ **_second-born_ ** _twins weren't allowed to have names. Wouldn't want to get too attached to them._

_"But that's not fair! Raven has a name!" I complained, wiping the tears from my face sloppily._

_"Baby sometimes life isn't fair." My mom replied, hugging me tighter into her chest. She pulled away from the hug softly wiping the tears from my eyes and cheeks._

_"Are you scared of going into the box?" She asked._

_I looked away shyly, before nodding my head yes. She pushed my stray hairs behind my ears now looking me in the eyes sadly._

_"It's okay to be scared baby. The trick is not fighting it. Go with it. Let your fear strengthen you. There's gonna be times in your life when I'm not gonna be there to tell you that everything is gonna be okay. You have to learn to be okay on your own. It's okay to be scared at first because fear is what pushes people to fight back. Just know that I'll always be with you in your heart, okay?" she asked._

_I sniffled in a sob, still not completely understanding what she was saying. I didn't completely understand what she said that day until years later when I was forced to go to the ground and feel that fear for myself._

_"Why won't you be there?" I asked quietly._

_She didn't answer, instead, she just pulled me into another sad hug._

_"As I said before... life isn't always fair. At least not up here, on the Ark." Was her final response._

**_Flashback over._ **


	10. Chapter 10

**Song for this chapter-** **_ Looking Forward To The Change by Hockey Dad _ **

BELLAMY's POV-

Murphy threw his knife into a tree, missing it completely and I stifled a laugh. It wasn't until Jasper started screaming again in the distance that my expression grew solemn.

"That Damn kid. Always messing with my head." Murphy breathed, his face going rigid as he looked at the still ax.

"He's not gonna last much longer. Better think of a new excuse." I threw my own ax into the tree, landing it perfectly.

"That's how it's done," I smirked contently, although I had no time to revel in my achievement before a familiar yet _annoying_ voice destroyed my mood.

"We searched a half-mile in all directions. No sign of Trina or Pascal." Atom came into view. A day ago, two of our campers went missing. After hours and hours of searching the forest, they still come up blank?

"Did you visit your special tree when you were out there?" Murphy sneered, not so subtly referencing the tree we tied him up to for the incident with my sister.

"Atom took his punishment. Let it go." I commanded, much to my own dismay. Me and Atom used to be good friends. But then he started sucking face with my sister, so I guess that just shows who you can really trust. Nobody. Only yourself, unless you have something to hang over their head. Blackmail.

"It could be grounders?" Atom suggested, ignoring Murphy's comment.

"Yeah, or they could be in pound town. A lot of that going around recently." Murphy pushed, glaring at the already annoyed-looking Atom.

I shook my head at Murphy's utter childishness, beginning to walk back over to my ax.

Jasper moaned again in the distance, reminding me of the tricky predicament we were in.

"Look, Bellamy, people are scared. And that _dying kid_ , he's not helping the morale around here." Atom groaned, pointing his hand in the direction of the dropship that Jasper was in.

"The morale will go up when I find them more food," I tried to take the attention off Jasper, only because I knew Lori wouldn't agree with anything they were saying. And quite frankly I didn't want to hear her complain about how mean my "friends" were. I didn't want to hear _anything_ she had to say really, she can get quite annoying. She cared about Jasper too much.

"And what do we say when they ask about Trina and Pascal?" Atom asked, with an attitude that made me roll my eyes.

"Now? Nothing. It's possible that there just lost. We'll keep an eye out for them when we go hunting later." I explained.

The group nodded their heads in agreement while I just sighed. It's hard taking care of an entire camp. Not that I was technically alone while doing it. I _sort of_ had Lori. And by that I mean, lately she's been too distant. And I was having a hard time deciding whether it was more of a good or bad thing. I haven't seen her eye roll _once_ in the past week, nor make some sort of snarky remark. Matter of fact she seems more compliant than ever with me. Which normally would have been nice but now it's getting in the way of her leadership skills. And I guarantee you it has to do with Jaspers condition.

I'm trying to give her space with it but she needs to understand that she made a commitment to helping me run this camp, or at least getting the wristbands.

So far I had most of this camp wrapped around my finger, and I wasn't going to let something as _petty_ as her emotions ruin that. And if reminding her every day that I could destroy her life here at camp with a few simple words was what I had to do to keep her in check then I'd gladly do that.

I didn't hate her. Let's make that clear. But I didn't like her either.

She did seem to intrigue me though. Not in a kind of way that made me want to talk to her, or be around her, or even make eye contact with her for that matter, but more so in the way where I would catch myself staring at her from afar. Watching the way she interacted with people. How she got flustered when something embarrassing happened. Or the way her eyebrows furrowed when someone said something she didn't agree with. And maybe that's just because I know her true story. Her nasty, gritty, bloody story. How beneath all of that pretty face, was someone so _fragile_ yet so _undeniably ruthless_ and no one even knew. No one but me.

Which gave me the power. I held all the cards.

"Let's go kill something..." Murphy pulled me from my thoughts when he began to walk away with the rest of my hunting group into the woods.

I put my arm on his chest, stopping him from going any further.

"You're not going," I commanded.

His eyebrows raised in confusion as if I hadn't actually said what I said. But I only further continued to look down at him sternly.

"I need you to stay here," I explained.

He scowled disrespectfully, giving me a " _what are you going to do about it?_ " look. God if I could just punch the look off his face then maybe he wouldn't look so stupid.

"If the grounders are circling, we can't leave this place unprotected," I added, hoping that was enough to convince him.

He thought about it for a second until realizing that there was nothing for him to lose.

"Fine. _But somebody better tell goggle boy to keep it shut_." Murphy spat, a spiteful gleam in his eye.

That made me pause. If he tried anything with Jasper then I'd know he'd either end up dead or with a broken nose. From Lori of course. And that would be incredibly annoying to have to deal with.

"And please, don't do anything stupid. Listen to Lori. She's in charge while I'm gone." I said finally, deciding leaving him here was the best choice.

He glared at the thought before nodding his head reluctantly, going back to practicing his knife throwing.

As I walked away towards the dropship to tell the girl where I was going, maybe even ask her if she wanted to come, I felt a frown fall onto my lips. Something didn't feel right about today.

. . .

LORI'S POV-

Jasper yelled in pain when the warm washcloth Clarke held in her hands, hit his wound and I winced. He's been screaming like this for the past few days, and I still haven't gotten used to it.

"The grounders cauterized his wound. Saved his life." Clarke breathed, pulling the washcloth away from Jaspers body. His face instantly relaxed at the lack of pain.

"Saved his life so they could string him up as live bait," Finn paced around the room anxiously, his hands running through his matted hair.

"Garden of Eden this ain't," he added solemnly.

I sighed annoyedly.

"Could you stop pacing around like that? You're making my head hurt." I groaned, rubbing my temples in attempt to stop the racing thoughts that made it feel impossible to breathe for parts of the day. It's getting harder and harder to keep my composure around here. In a room full of people who made my blood boil. Except for Monty of course, and obviously Jasper.

Finn stopped pacing around, leaning his back against the wall of the dropship defeatedly.

"This is infected. He could be septic." Clarke's worried voice only further worsened my anxiety about the situation.

Lately, it felt like nothing was getting better. Two of our campers have gone missing. We don't have enough food for everyone. No showers. No sleep. And Jasper's condition just kept getting worse and worse, putting everyone that cared about him on edge.

And on top of that, it just happens to be my least favorite day of the year. The day that ruined my whole life. The day that ruined my whole mother's life. The day that I was born.

"Any progress on using the wristband to contact the ark?" Clarke asked Monty, probably in an attempt to distract us from Jasper's critical condition.

Monty looked at me with regret-filled in his eyes. He knew I didn't want the ark to come down here, but he was still helping Clarke contact them.

I wanted to be mad at him. But I couldn't.

Seeing Jasper in all of this pain made me wish that the supplies and the doctors we had on the ark were with us. The more his condition worsened, the more I began to question whether or not I want the ark to come down here at all.

But ultimately my decision remained stagnant. It would take more things to change my mind completely. Though if things continued like this then I doubt my opinions would stay the same forever.

Monty continued to look at me sorrily, not answering Clarke's question.

"Monty?" Clarke repeated.

"That would be a firm no," Monty huffed, burying his face into his hands.

Clarke sighed defeatedly.

"My mother would know what to do," Clarke mumbled, sadness leaking from her voice.

A part of me felt _good_ knowing that Clarke felt the pain of missing her mother. It felt good knowing that she felt what I felt like almost every day. Does that make me a bad person? The fact that I _enjoyed_ hearing the pain in her voice.

The thought only made me more vexed, and my foot began to not so subtly tap itself on the floor, giving away my anxious state.

"How's he doing?" Well's came into the dropship, cutting into my dark trail of thoughts.

His voice was the tipping point for me.

"How does he look like he's doing Wells?" I suddenly snapped, getting up from where I sat with a sharp breath.

I was sick and tired of trying to remain calm. My best friend was dying on the fucking floor of a dropship on the middle of a planet that we had only just got to. Nothing is fine.

My feet carried me up and down the room just as Finn had been doing earlier, though he didn't dare say anything about it.

"Hey, I'm just trying to help," He put up his hands defensively, casting a sad look in Jasper's direction.

"Yeah, _well doesn't seem to be doing much,_ does it?" I said condescendingly which seemed to be enough to make him shut up. To make everyone shut up, even as their eyes followed me around the room.

That is, until Jasper moaned again, drawing back everyone's attention.

"Right. You wanna help?" Clarke asked.

Wells looked at her in expectation, and I myself turned around to face her curiously.

I wanted to believe that she had an actual good idea for once, but the look on her face quickly diminished all the hope I had on that even being in our realm of possibilities.

"Hold him down," Clarke breathed.

My chest plummeted down into the bottom of my stomach, but before I could even mutter a word, everyone was already moving to Jasper's frail body like vultures looking for a meal.

Clarke grabbed a knife sticking it in the fire.

"I'm not gonna like this, am I?"

. . .

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Jasper screamed, his voice highly strained and weak but still heard across the entire camp.

I told myself not to look up at his pained face. Because if I _did_ look at his face I'd probably crumble into a little ball in the corner and therefore be of no use.

"Hold him still!" Clarke urged.

"I'm trying, but it's not as easy as it looks!" My voice came out squeaky, seeing as how I was trying my best to keep his body still while Clarke carefully shoved the burning knife into his wound.

We all looked at each other as we held him down, hating the fact that we had to do this. Really just hating the fact that he had been speared in the first place.

I could tell Finn was especially guilty which was understandable because he was one of the main reasons Jasper was across the lake in the first place.

And I honestly couldn't tell whether or not _I_ blamed him for Jaspers demise. But I also think it's safe to say that if I did, Finn would probably already be dead by now. So really there's nothing he should be worried about. Besides Jasper dying of course.

"I need to cut away the infected flesh." Clarke breathed heavily and from the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper's eyes roll into the back of his head.

A noise to the side of me, caused me to spin around, not yet relinquishing my hold on the screaming boy, much to his distaste.

That's when I saw the dropship door hastily opening to reveal a determined-looking Octavia Blake.

"Stop it! You're killing him!" Octavia yelled, running into the room. She came straight towards Jasper worriedly watching as his face contorted into cries of pain.

Oh god. I almost forgot about _Mrs. Jordan_ over here. I love her and Jasper together but every time I saw her, I saw Jasper being speared into a tree, so I'd rather not look at her at all.

Or hear her voice...

She was in for a terrible day if she thinks that she can help him. Because we've been trying to save him for the past week and so far, nothing. She's just as hopeless as the rest of us.

"She's trying to save his life," Finn explained.

"She can't." Bellamy suddenly walked into the room, which prompted me to finally let go of Jasper.

"I can't do this anymore." I breathed, tears pricking my eyes. My hands unwrapped themselves from their tight hold around Jaspers leg, a terrible feeling settling in the bottom of my stomach. Why is it that every time we think things are going alright, something bad always happens. We landed on earth, then had to walk a 10-mile trek to a mountain. We got to a lake, and I almost drowned and died trying to save the sister of someone who wasn't really being a great person right now. I survived, only to have Jasper be speared into a tree by _grounders_. Like is my life even real at this point?

My legs seemed to move themselves up and down the room anxiously, every inch of my mind trying to ignore Bellamy's agitating presence.

"Back off," Wells stood up to Bellamy bravely and I didn't even have the energy to mock him for it in my mind.

"We didn't drag him through miles of woods just to let him die," Clarke spoke up towards Bellamy's angry looking face.

"Kids a goner. If you can't see that, you're deluded. He's making people crazy." Bellamy fired back, casting a guilty look in my direction.

One look in my direction with those annoyingly _sad_ eyes of his was enough to make me physically break if not mentally. My best friend was out here dying, and he had the _nerve_ to come in here, annoy me further just by his presence, and then speak as if Jasper was a deadman right in front of not only _Jasper_ himself but everyone that cared about him?!

"I'm sorry if Jasper's an inconvenience to you," I started to speak up, moving towards Bellamy across the room with determination.

"but this isn't the ark. Down here every life matters. And I dont see you doing anything to fucking help." I said, now just inches away from his face with a look that I could tell, physically sent fear through his body.

I had to look up due to the height difference but I still looked fierce as hell, as always.

I think sometimes he forgot that I was the arks most dangerous prisoner. If I really really wanted to, I could probably kill him faster than he could beg me not too.

So I think it's best if every now and then I just remind him exactly who I am, because yes- I might be "a true criminal" in his words but that's exactly my point. I am a criminal and I'm tired of pretending I'm not.

If looks could kill, Bellamy would be a deadman.

I continued to glare at him, nobody having the courage to tell me to back off but to my surprise- Bellamy looked at me with _pity_.

_Pity._

_What the fucking hell is that supposed to mean? Why am I to be pitied? Is he implying that I'm weak?_

"Take a look at him, Lori." Bellamy said in a quiet- almost whisper tone.

We all turned to look at Jasper's lifeless body sitting on the dirty ground because we didn't even have enough materials to get him somewhere _comfortable_ to sit on.

"He's a lost cause." Bellamy finished, now refusing to look me in the eyes.

Everyone in the room went silent as we all looked at Jasper's frail body. I backed away from Bellamy, feeling disgusted by what he was saying, moving back to sit by Clarke worriedly.

I hated the fact that Bellamy could be right.

My worried eyes met Clarke's as she looked at me, already knowing what I was thinking.

"Lori, I've spent my whole life watching my mother heal people. If I say there's hope. There's hope." Clarke said, determination in her eyes.

Everyone remained silent, and I could tell they were all contemplating who they should believe.

Bellamy.

Or Clarke.

Bellamy- the 19 year old bully.

Or Clarke- the trained medical assistant.

Is it _really_ that hard to believe that Jasper could possibly make it out of this situation alive!? So much so that people would choose Bellamy's words over hers? God can someone just have hope for once! I needed hope.

"This isn't about hope. It's about guts." Bellamy said through the deadly silent room.

"You don't have the guts to make the hard choices. I do." He continued. He looked at me as he said this, making me question whether or not he was talking to _me_ too.

"He's been like this for a week. If he's not better by tomorrow, I'll kill him myself." Bellamy said, with one final guilty look in my direction before turning on his heel and beginning to walk out of the dropship.

_Okay now it's official. I might just have to kill Bellamy Blake._

"Octavia. let's go." Bellamy called after her before leaving.

"I'm staying here," Octavia said, not even looking him in the eyes.

Bellamy sighed shamefully before completely walking out of the room.

"Power-hungry, self-serving, Jackass. He doesn't care about anyone but himself." Monty said with annoyance.

I wished that I felt it in my heart to stand up for Bellamy, but I didn't. Lately, he hasn't been doing any good.

He was going to let me fall into a pit of spears. He tied atom to a tree just for kissing his sister, and he didn't even consult me on that. And now, he was threatening Jasper.

There was nothing I could defend him for. No redeeming qualities.

"No offense," Monty added, with a sorry look in Octavia's direction.

Octavia shrugged her shoulders, continuing to focus on Jaspers face.

"Yeah. Bellamy is all that. But he also happens to be right." Finn said guiltily.

. . .

"I'm not mad. I'm just fucking exhausted." I said to Monty, who despite what I said, continued to look at me as if I were about to explode.

"Well then maybe you should get some sleep. It'll be good for you." Monty advised.

My shoulders tensed up at the word sleep, knowing that I hadn't been able to get any of that lately. I've just been way too anxious. Way to caught up in everything that's been going on. There's no time for sleep in my schedule. Not when my best friend was on his deathbed.

Although I had to admit, it has been a little extreme recently. Someone would drop something and I'd flinch, immediately turning around to face them with my hands up. Dark circles, the size of the moon's craters filled the space underneath my under eyelid where it used to be a soft, normal shade of tanish skin. The fire in my eyes had now dulled down to only a slight flecle of a flame, all my original confidence and energy now gone.

And as a result I felt as though people saw me as weak for not being able to handle all of the stress. Or maybe I'm just being paranoid. Because that's another thing that was happening too, due to my rapid imagination. I'd have intrusive thoughts that someone besides Bellamy and Monty knew who I really am or that Bellamy had told the entire camp and now everyone was out to get me.

I sighed dramatically.

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you guys, but I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING SLEEP!!" I shouted, making Monty, Clarke, Finn, Octavia, and Well's all look up and glare at me and my loudness. But I just had to make sure they knew that I was _not_ weak.

I smiled at all of them fakely.

"Look Monty, I'm going to go outside and get a fresh breath of air only because I'm _this_ close to punching someone in the face. I'll be back quickly. Come get me if he wakes up." I lied to monty, rubbing the sleepiness from my eyes.

He nodded his head slowly, with yet another questioning gaze as if he could see right through the strong facade I had put up. Because if anyone could do that, it would be Monty. He always knew exactly what I was feeling. And sometimes I'm thankful for that, except for in situations like these.

Let's just hope he didn't get too curious and follow me into the woods.

So with one last squeeze of Jasper's dirty, bloody hand, I got up and headed towards the woods where I knew I'd be safe from all of this claustrophobicness inside the dropship.

As I exited the dropship I also saw Clarke exit with her little boy toys right behind her. Finn and Wells.

But I didn't have time to investigate, I had to get somewhere alone so I could cry.

"Lori!" Bellamy's voice boomed from halfway across the camp.

I looked in the direction of his voice to see him staring at me beckoning me to come over.

No.

Absolutely this can not be happening.

I will literally kill myself before crying in front of Bellamy Blake.

And plus, now it feels like his mere _presence_ annoys the hell out of me. I didn't have the energy to talk to him about how he was sorry for thinking Jaspers going to die.

So instead, I just glared at him walking away towards outside the camp and into the woods. He seemed to have gotten the message because he didn't come after me and instead went with the rest of his goons to go hunting.

Once I got a safe distance from the rest of the camp, I sat down at the bottom of a tree, leaning my head against it with an exasperated sigh.

The tears spilled out of my eyes and I let them, feeling already defenseless against anything else coming my way let alone _tears_.

God, I'm such a fucking loser.

I mean who else do you know of that goes out into the middle of the woods to cry? Let alone me of all people- and on my fucking birthday too.

I'm not supposed to be crying. I'm supposed to be sitting by Jaspers practically half-dead body holding his hand and letting him know that I'm here even if he can't hear or see me.

I'm supposed to be comforting Monty through this whole thing as well since we're all like family, but lately it seems all I can do is snap at people. I guess that's what happens when you haven't slept an inch in days.

I'm _supposed_ to be finding out more ways to feed the entirety of the 97 delinquents with Bellamy. But now I'm almost 100% positive that if I try to talk to him, it'll just turn out to be a huge argument, and quite frankly, I don't know if I have the mental capacity for that.

I cried for what seemed like hours, until eventually my head and throat grew tired of it, at which point I just shoved my face into my hands for comfort, wishing that my mother were here to hug me and tell me everything was going to be alright like she herself believed it.

She always did have a talent for doing that. Believing in the impossible.

I just wish she had passed on the talent to me too or else I wouldn't be crying in the middle of the woods, alone like a weakling.

Out of nowhere at least 50 birds came flying from the trees cawing obnoxiously loud, waking me from my thoughts.

I groaned in annoyance. Can't a girl get a little peace and quiet around here for god's sake?

I tried covering my ears from the sound of their wings flapping and the cawing sound they made as they flew. It wasn't until a bird literally landed right next to me that I started to get anxious. I've never really seen a bird up close before.

We're they dangerous?

The bird cocked its head at me pointing in a different direction.

"Go away you stupid bird!" I sniffled. I tried shoeing it off but it only further stayed put, cawing more loudly this time.

I looked up in the sky to see all of the birds still flying over me as if I were their prey.

"What do you want?" I asked the stubborn bird angrily.

But then I realized what was going on.

Behind the bird, a huge cloud of yellow fog started to pillow out of the trees like fire and I knew I had to run.

Thank god for birds am I right?

A loud horn blew from the trees and my flight or flight mode _really_ kicked in and I started sprinting like there was no tomorrow.

What was the last thing I said to Monty? What was the last thing I said to Jasper?

God, I can't even fucking think straight anymore, my senses are so out of control.

All I could think about was the hard ground against my feet as I moved stealthily through the trees.

One step.

Two-step.

Three-step.

Four st- "AHHHH!" I screamed as I hit a hard surface landing right down on my back.

"Lori?" Bellamy's voice asked from up above me.

I looked up at him, eyes wide.

Never have I ever been so happy to see Bellamy Blake in my entire fucking life. My god, I could practically kiss him right now!

EW. No gross.

Instead, I bolted onto my feet running into his arms for a giant hug.

I didn't know what was happening to me. Maybe it's the fog. But I'm just so beyond anxious right now, that seeing _Bellamy Blake_ made me want to cry with happiness.

I might dislike him, but he generally made me feel safe.

He wrapped his arms around me quickly pulling me into the hug securely and I couldn't help but take in the familiar scent of him, letting it ground me.

"Lori, what's wrong?" He asked quickly, setting me down after waayyy too much physical contact.

I looked to Bellamy's right and my eyes widened at the sight of the 12-year-old Charlotte. But I didn't have time to waste.

"Deadly fog." Was all I could get out in my anxious state of mind, but Bellamy seemed to get the gist because he grabbed Charlotte pulling her up into his arms before grabbing my hand and running with me and Charlotte to somewhere safe, the yellow fog just right behind us.

All I cared about was getting us and her to safety. Although I'm having a hard time deciding where safety really is because right now all I can see is a blur of green and sometimes yellow. My eyes weren't really taking the time to look at my surroundings due to my franticness, well, that combined with the fact that I'm running like a million miles per second.

As we ran I felt my legs grow weak, my brain using every cell possible to will me to continue running, trying to ignore the fact that Charlotte had a knife in her hand.

"Bellamy where the hell are we going?!" I asked him through our heavy breaths.

"There's a cave not far from here! We're going there!" He answered.

I wanted to cry at the thought of dying in whatever the hell kind of chemicals that fog produced. I'd kill myself with Charlotte's knife before that ever happened. So I'm going to pretend like the chances of that fog coming into the cave with us, aren't like 75%.

_One step._ A branch cracked beneath my feet.

_Two-step._ I contemplated running somewhere else without Bellamy and Charlotte. Somewhere safer than a damn cave.

_Three-step._ I tripped over a log twisting my ankle slightly in the process, too paralyzed in fear of the fog to get myself up.

_Four-step._ Bellamy ran back towards me once he realized I had been left behind, and pulled me right back up saying that we couldn't stop running.

_Five ste_ \- "AHHHHH!" I screamed again as I hit Bellamy's back for the second time today.

"What the hell are you doing!! Go, go, go!" I ushered Bellamy, standing back up quickly.

The cave was right in front of us but for some reason, Bellamy had stopped and was looking around the area like he lost something.

"Bellamy, whatever the hell you're thinking right now, stop thinking it. Get your ass inside the damn cave." I tugged on his big jacket harshly as I said this.

But he only stayed put stubbornly, still searching for whatever the hell it was that he was searching for. It got to the point where I too, looked around the forest as if _I_ had lost something. But all I saw were blurs of green and yellow from the fog.

"Atom!" Bellamy shouted into the forest, his voice slightly broken and distraught.

The name didn't register in my brain until a few seconds later but when it did, I suddenly realized why Bellamy was shouting it.

_Fuck._

"Bellamy, how many other campers did you take with you to hunt?" I asked, out of breath my eyes widening at the sudden wave of anxiety and adrenaline running through my veins.

He finally looked back at me with utter terror and the feeling of being grounded that I usually felt with him went away. _Him_ being scared made _me_ scared. And Lori Reyes isn't supposed to be scared of anything. Let alone some silly fog.

But since the usual anxiety medication they had given me on the ark was now gone, I guess everything is different from how it used to be.

"I don't know like 5 or 6." Bellamy breathed.

I let out a huge disappointed but anxious breath of air. They could all still be out there. All of them could be dying in a big yellow cloud of gas.

"Bellamy, they're gonna be okay, but _we_ won't if we stay here any longer. C'mon let's get in the cave," I said, slowly grabbing Charlotte from his arms.

Even if what I said about them being okay wasn't true, it at least brought both of us some comfort as we ran inside the cave, eager to avoid fog filling up our lungs.

It seemed Charlotte had already passed out in my arms by the time we got to our destination. Which was good because I didn't think I could talk to her anyway. I don't like seeing people as young as her, in fear for their own life. It's depressing.

I sat her down gently on the side of the wall, taking off the light jacket that Clarke had given me a few days ago and putting it on her so she could stay warm. The poor girl must be going through a lot right now.

I turned back around to see Bellamy looking at me, his skin flushing pink at the sight of the tight shirt I kept on underneath the jacket, rolled up a few inches to reveal my stomach because of all of the moving around we had just did. I rolled my eyes at him as I sat down next to Charlotte feeling the cold breeze chill past me like winter frost. Or at least I _think_ like winter frost. I'd never actually experienced winter before so how would I know? If I had known earth would have been so damn cold, I would've worn a better jacket. But now I'm wearing _no_ jacket.

Bellamy calmly sat down by me and we both took deep breaths in after all of the running, grateful that instead of yellow fog filling our lungs, it was oxygen.

We just sat there for a moment in silence, trying to ignore the tension in the air.

"Did you give Charlotte a fucking knife?" I asked randomly, my brain now having fully processed everything that just happened.

It was a little ridiculous that after everything that just happened to us, _that_ was the question I asked, but cut me some slack, I've had a rough day and I'm tired as hell. There's no telling what things my brain would think about.

I turned to see him with a slight smirk on his face until he looked at my facial expression and the smirk disappeared into a frown.

" _Really?_ _That's_ the question you ask, not 'are you okay?' or how about 'thanks for totally saving me Bellamy I really appreciate it'?" he taunted.

I scoffed before turning my head back around to look at the little girl who still held the knife in her hand as she slept. She reminded me of myself in so many ways. Maybe giving her a knife _was_ the right thing to do...

The ground is dangerous.

BELLAMY POV-

As Lori looked down at the poor girl I couldn't help but slide my eyes up and down her torso where parts of the skin on her stomach were now showing as a result of taking off the jacket she wore every day. I mean it's not like she was naked or anything but even something as simple as this seemed like a gift from the gods themselves.

And I remembered the fact that it was cold outside-especially in here, and she had taken off her only source of heat, so of course, she was shivering violently. Her skin turned pale white as a result making me feel extra guilty.

Stop it. Get a hold of yourself. She's a criminal, she deserves no pity. She deserves nothing.

"Save me? You didn't save me! I saved you!" Lori said, pulling me out of my thoughts and back into yet another argument. She ran her hands through her hair, pulling at the roots a little before turning back around to look at me with a fierce glare to which I just scowled, despite the fact that I knew I would probably end up doing whatever she told me at some point if she kept looking at me with that disappointed face that made me want to apologize to everyone and everything I've ever hurt.

"I was the one that found the cave that saved _us_!" I retorted, watching as she grew angrier and angrier, her body shivering even more violently than before, the tip of her nose and ears turning red.

Wait a minute...

Her whole face was red now that I look at it.

It was red and puffy and that combined with the fact that she kept sniffling made me put the pieces together.

Had she been... _crying?_

No.

Lori Reyes doesn't cry!

Right?

"Yeah well if I hadn't found you and told you about the fog then..." She started to talk, but I stopped listening, only being able to see her animated facial expressions as she spoke, wondering what the hell was going on inside her little head.

Did she cry because of what I said about Jasper? Did she cry _because_ of Jasper? I can only imagine it's a mixture of both.

I guess I never really thought about how she's been doing with all of this responsibility. A couple of days ago I made her lead her own hunting group into the woods, and she was the only one who didn't catch anything. But I know for a fact that she's good with a knife.

So how the hell didn't I notice that she's obviously not in the right state of mind?

Was I really just _that_ self-absorbed?

"...and don't even get me started on Jasper! I swear to god Bellamy Blake if you-" I tuned back into what she was saying and then cut her off.

"Lori! Lori stop it! You're freezing! And you've got humongous dark circles under you're eyes! We're both tired, I think it'd be best if we stopped arguing at least for a little while okay? You're hurting my head." I asked.

She seemed to be frozen by my words, her mouth parted open but not saying a thing.

"Here, you can have my Jacket if it makes you feel better," I said, beginning to shrug off my jacket for her.

She continued to glare at me even deeper now, her ego possibly hurt by the fact that I was offering her help. But she had to accept it. I wouldn't know what to think of myself if I just let her suffer helplessly. I wish I could comfort her in some other way but I knew she would never allow me. She practically hates me.

"Here, take it!" I said, shoving the jacket onto her lap.

She reluctantly began pulling it on over her shoulders and I almost frowned when all of the bare skin she had been showing previously was now covered by my jacket. But then I realized something.

_My_ jacket. It was covered by _my_ jacket.

It looked so big and...cute on her that the almost-frown turned into a sly smile that she hopefully didn't see.

Hey, there was nothing wrong with admitting that a girl was cute. Or hot. Which, she was both.

"Stop smiling. It's annoying." Lori groaned as she fell deeper into my jacket.

I immediately stopped smiling, now taking the time to memorize her scowl because I had nothing else to do.

Maybe there was a reason for her stubbornness? And maybe I could find it in her scowl.

LORI'S POV-

Seeing his smile was like a punch in the face.

It said, 'hey, look how much trouble I've caused you and look how much pain you're in but I'm happy so deal with it'.

"Stop smiling. It's annoying." I groaned, snuggling myself deeper into his jacket that was still very warm from his body leaving it only seconds ago after hours of wearing it.

I could feel tears start to form in my eyes and I told myself it was just because of the cold weather or something, but deep down I knew that it was really because everything was going to shit.

In times like these, especially being _here_ , on _earth_ , was when I felt most guilty for being alive. If I wasn't born then my mom would be alive right now. She would be happy and contempt, possibly here on earth.

And thinking about my mom made me think of other things too. Like how I hadn't seen Raven in over 3 years and the last time I saw her she had pushed me away more than ever. And I knew it was because of Abby.

Abby had become like a surrogate mother to her because our mom always paid more attention to me than to Raven. And so Abby adopted Raven after our mom was floated and now Raven probably hates me. And again, it's all because I was born. If I wasn't born then mom would have paid more attention to Raven and none of this would have happened.

And the worst part about it is that Raven doesn't know that the reason our mother was floated was because Abby told the chancellor about me hiding under the floor. So she's living with the woman who killed our mother.

But now I'm down here. With 97 other delinquents, and despite the fact that things down here weren't easy it didn't take away from the fact that everything was so much more _beautiful_.

It was everything and _more_ than I had imagined it would be and my mom hadn't even gotten to experience it.

So everything beautiful was just another painful reminder of the fact that my mom was dead, and that she died knowing that my twin sister Raven- her own daughter hated her.

And Bellamy's smile... well that was beautiful. And I hated it.

Not to mention the fact that Jasper- my brother from another mother was dying on the floor in pain.

Not to mention the fact that Monty probably is over stressing about things and I wasn't helping. Every time he saw me he would ask if I was okay or if I had gotten sleep. To which the answer was always no and I could tell he felt anxious about that- yet I never did anything to comfort him.

Not to mention the fact that it was my _birthday_ and I'm spending it in a dirty cave with _Bellamy blake_ of all people, hiding from deadly fog, while my best friend since the age of 5 is laying on the floor of the dropship, slowly bleeding out and dying of some type of weird earth bacterial infection.

And then there's _of course_ the insufferable Clarke Griffin who was just another painful reminder of Raven and my Mom.

A tear slipped down my eye, but I quickly wiped it away leaning my head back against that wall and closing my eyes, trying not to think about my Mom, or Raven, or Jasper, or Monty, or anybody really.

If I had known that my life would have been this bad, I would have rather not been born at all.

Silence hung in the air, and my eyes naturally drifted over to Bellamy who was staring at the wall in front of him sadly hugging his knees. I wonder if he feels like crap today too. I mean, not that I care if he does, I'm just curious.

Eventually, the silence got too much for me to handle and the feeling of guilt crept into my stomach like a bad batch of food. I didn't know why I felt guilty. Bellamy deserved everything I said to him. It's just that, seeing him look so... utterly pathetic, made me feel like maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh on him today.

I mean, he _did_ technically just save me.

And honestly, anything right now would be better than silence. I felt like me and Bellamy were both the same in the sense that, we both felt weak in silence. When it's silent all you have is just you and your demons. And I know that me and Bellamy definitely both would rather run away from our demons rather than face them head-on.

So the least I could do was try and start another, less heated conversation to take his mind off things.

"It's my birthday today. Probably at this exact time. I'm 18 now." I blurted meekly.

Bellamy's head shot up, looking at me with his _sad_ eyes.

I only smiled at him sadly. If I were on the ark today, I would be dead already, since I'm 18.

He smiled back at me sadly and for once he didn't glare at me like he normally would have. I just threw my face into my hands, not being able to stop the tears from coming out of my eyes. I tried. I really did. But seeing his sad eyes was my last straw. Everything around me was just so excruciatingly sad and it was always only a matter of time before I broke under the pressure.

To my surprise, Bellamy pulled me into a warm hug, setting my head down in his lap as if I were a child that was scared.

I wasn't sure if we just passed a boundary of friendship that we wouldn't be able to come back from but, I didn't really care anymore. I was tired of fighting him right now, and so was he. Maybe he felt bad for me?

I let him comb through my hair with his hands, not caring that I was crying anymore because he didn't seem to mind either. Instead, he just started to tell me stories to distract me from my dark hole of thoughts. Well more like adventures. He told me about how he used to sneak onto the room in the ark where they kept all of the extra supplies and steal things so he could sell them for ration points to feed Octavia. He told me how he would get into fistfights almost every day to protect his little sister from the bullies on Arcadia. And as the night dragged on, his voice got softer, his hand running through my hair even more gently, trying to get me to fall asleep.

And due to my sheer exhaustion, it worked because I fell asleep almost instantly.

"Happy birthday Lori." Was the last thing I heard him say before I fell asleep with my head in his lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 𝐒𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲, 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐦𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬. 𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭❗
> 
> 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭❜𝐬 𝟕𝟒𝟕𝟏 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠. 𝐖𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭 😳😬. 𝐇𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲, 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧❜𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝.
> 
> 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧❜𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞, 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬. 𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠.
> 
> 𝐀𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬, 𝐝𝐨𝐧❜𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐯𝐨𝐭𝐞, 𝐛𝐲 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬❗


	11. ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟠- 𝕊𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕟𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕖 ✅

**Song for this chapter-** **_ Motion Sickness by Phoebe Bridgers _ **

"No! NO!" A voice cried loudly, but not loud enough to wake up anyone except apparently Bellamy. He wrapped his arms tighter around me at the sudden noise, waking me up in the process.

He grabbed onto me tightly with his knife in hand looking around the cave as if we were in immediate danger before we both realized that it was just Charlotte screaming in her sleep.

Another nightmare.

We quickly reacted by putting our hands on her shoulders shaking them so she could wake up.

"Charlotte! Charlotte wake up, its just a dream!" I whispered hastily.

Her eyes fluttered open and in one quick breath, she shot upwards, releasing a blood-curdling scream that if I had heard from afar, would make me think that she's been murdered. Sweat caked her forehead as my eyes made their way to hers only to see horror embedded in them like a virus.

God, I hated that look. That's the look I made when my mother was floated right before my own eyes.

It was the look of sheer utter terror and I hated seeing it on a girl as young as her.

Bellamy didn't seem to be _as_ frozen by the look as I had because he was now moving closer to the girl with a determined look on his face.

Great. At Least I'm not the one that has to comfort her right now. That would be a shitshow.

I'm interested in seeing how Bellamy is going to comfort her though, mainly because he was one of the most grounded but non-ooey gooey person I knew.

"I'm sorry." Charlotte breathed, her chest rising and falling in a staggered motion.

Bellamy put his hands on her tiny knees as if to ease the tension around her.

"Does it happen often?" He asked softly.

She sighed, seemingly embarrassed.

"What are you scared of?" Bellamy questioned again. His voice wasnt as deep and throaty as it usually was which made me almost want to smile. He really was trying hard to comfort the poor girl.

But it seemed my brain wouldn't let me because when I _was_ finally about to smile, I was reminded of every other thing in the world that was going wrong, so I stopped myself.

Charlotte paused, a look of remembrance in her eyes before looking back up at Bellamy and remaining silent.

"You know what? It doesn't matter." Bellamy said profoundly.

"The only thing that does matter is what you do about it." He continued.

How does that make sense?

"But... I'm asleep." Charlotte managed to say, her voice weak and quiet.

Bellamy shook his head, a small but comforting smile making its way to his freckled face like a foreign language.

"Fears are fears," Bellamy stated calmly.

"Slay your demons when you're awake and they won't be able to get you when you're asleep.'' He finished.

As I watched the strange interaction unfold before me like a rolled-up piece of paper, I started to think about how much Bellamy reminded me of my mom- not in a weird kind of way, in a wonderful, breathtaking kind of way. His kind smile reminded me of an angel in the same way that my mom's smile reminded me of a flower. The vibrations in his voice - when he wasn't trying to be tough and intimidating- made its way to my core, filling my chest with a warmness that I haven't felt since my mother used to read me to sleep. And while it couldn't fill in the Major holes in my heart, it slowly started to pour its way into the minor ones, filling them with warmth. And for the first time in the world thinking of my mother didn't make me feel grief because now there was Bellamy. And he was alive. As if I still had a part of her with me wherever I went.

"Yeah...but how?" Charlotte asked, pulling me back into their foreign interaction.

"You can't afford to be weak. Down here, weakness is death, fear is death." Bellamy spoke passionately to the young girl.

I frowned sadly, knowing that what he was saying was true. The ground is much more dangerous than any of us could have imagined and now we couldn't afford to be weak, just as Bellamy has said.

"Let me see that knife I gave you." He held out his hand for the small dagger.

My eyes flickered to the girl's hands as she slowly pulled it out of her pocket, handing it to Bellamy like it was gold.

"Now when you feel afraid, you hold tight to that knife and you say "screw you I'm not afraid". Bellamy directed.

He handed the small- but sharp knife back to Charlotte to which she took it cautiously.

"Screw you I'm not afraid." She said, motionlessly staring down at the metal knife.

Bellamy gave her a look that said _I know you can do better than that,_ and she clutched the knife tighter in her hands.

"Screw you. I'm not afraid." Charlotte repeated, this time more loudly.

She paused for a minute still staring down at the knife and that's when I realized that the terrified look in her eyes was now completely gone like it had never been there in the first place.

_That's what made me smile._

Wholly shit. Bellamy actually did it.

A smile etched onto Bellamy's face as well and he turned around to look at me proudly, like he somehow knew I had doubted him in the first place.

I smiled back at him and Charlotte unable to control myself to which he winked at me, which I'll admit for some reason sent shivers down my spine.

"Slay your demons kid. Then you'll be able to sleep." Bellamy finished with Charlotte, now getting up from where he was crouched beside her and walking back over to me with a smug smirk on his face.

"Did I just make Lori Reyes smile?" He asked tauntingly, sitting down next to me.

I scoffed rolling my eyes which just made him smile further.

"Nope. Charlotte made me smile. Not you dickhead." A tint of playfulness laced my voice when I said this making it obvious that I was only joking.

"Are you sure it wasn't because I'm just so incredibly good-looking that you just can't resi-" He began to say, before I cut him off, pushing him lightly on the shoulder.

"I'm still mad at you asshole," I said, another smile threatening to push onto my lips.

BELLAMY POV-

Something about seeing her smile just made me feel so incredibly good inside. She had been moping around camp like she was depressed for the past week because of everything that's been going on and to know that I was the one that had finally caused a smile to form on that perfect face of hers made me want to smile as well.

Especially when she rolled her eyes. It sent a thrill up my spine, making me realize that I had gotten so used to her doing that before, that when she stopped because of all the pressure and exhaustion she's been going through, I actually kind of missed it.

But now here she was, acting like her true self again with that sassy eye roll of hers.

"I'm still mad at you, asshole." She said with a tint of sarcasm in her voice.

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes.

When she had told me that it was her birthday last night, I did the only thing I could think of. Back when we were still on the ark, Octavia used to get nightmares all of the time and as a result, she could never fall asleep because she was always too anxious. And I could tell that Lori was anxious too, just by the way she was acting. I guess having a sister kind of helped me in this situation, otherwise, I wouldn't have known what to do at all. I told her all sorts of adventures that I had been on, just like I used to do for Octavia. I hadn't really thought that it would actually help, but apparently, it did, because she fell asleep right in my arms. I was just happy that I could get her to calm down, especially because it was her birthday. No one deserves any of this on their birthday.

"Yeah, yeah, _I hate you too Lori Reyes._ And don't you forget it." I said with a small smirk that not even she noticed.

She pulled my Jacket closer over her shoulders with a tiny shudder.

"Are you _still_ cold?" I asked, feigning being annoyed.

She scoffed looking at me with a glare.

"Give me a break Bellamy, it's like 18 degrees outside." She retorted.

Well, actually it was more of a mumble because right as she made that last eye roll, her eyes closed and she fell right asleep, her head hitting the wall behind her as if it were a pillow.

I smiled to myself, thankful to finally be rid of her annoying voice. I mean don't get me wrong- we had our moments, but most of the time it was just constant bickering and arguing between us. So much so that the campers all exited the room when one of us walked in with the other, just to avoid hearing the sounds of our fighting.

So moments like these... where we weren't fighting, we're extremely rare. And they went away usually just as quickly as they came. I savored them and I could tell she did too.

But that's exactly what made it so sad. The fact that I knew, in the morning when we woke up, she would be right back to hating me and I would be right back to hating her. I couldn't help but feel like sometimes I didnt want to fight. I didn't want to be her friend either necessarily, but that didn't mean that I wanted to argue with her all of the time.

I enjoyed seeing her smile, and feeling her hug, and listening to the weird humming noises she made when she was slightly anxious and looking for comfort, and none of that happened when we were fighting. And I've never comforted her. Not once. I guess I always just assumed she could handle things on her own. Which she could. But not very well.

She needed me, and she didn't even realize it because she hated me.

Lori Reyes hated me. And that would become increasingly clear in the morning when I wake up just to see that evil glare of hers pointed in my direction.

Some things just would never change. 


	12. ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟡- 𝔻𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙 ✅

**Song for this chapter-** **_I tch by Hockey Dad (AKA MY FAVORITE SONG IN THE UNIVERSE, WELL REALLY JUST ALL OF THERE SONGS)_ **

**Bellamy's pov-**

The next morning, I woke up to see that Lori had moved across the cave, and was now laying with Charlotte in her arms who looked happy to be receiving some comfort. I smiled to myself, proud that I had managed to make both of them less anxious last night. Of course, there's no telling what would happen the next night, or the night after that, or the night after that; but nonetheless, I was certain I helped.

Lori's eyes opened with a gasp, waking up Charlotte in the process and I stood up, remembering that we had to get back to camp- and soon. I couldn't stand the possibility that the group I had taken hunting last night, might not have made it back safely before the fog hit, so I wanted to make the trip back to camp as quick as possible.

"Cmon, we should go see if the fogs gone, so we can get back to camp," I commanded, the regular, harsh, tone to my voice now back.

Lori rubbed the tiredness out of her eyes, although it did nothing to help those dark circles that I felt kept growing each time I saw her, despite the fact that she had managed to get a median amount of sleep last night- thanks to me.

"Charlotte, you stay here while me and Lori go see if it's safe or not. Don't come out until we tell you too." I ran my hands through my hair, not waiting for a response from either of them as I walked off towards the outside of the cave.

"Wait! Bellamy, wait for me!" Lori scrambled to her feet, behind me running to catch up. She appeared beside me in an instant and I couldn't help but smirk at her eagerness. Though the smirk soon disappeared into a frown when I caught glimpse of her usual tired glare that she had had glued to her face for the past week.

"What do you think the fog could be? Do you think it's actually toxic? Or did we just hide in a cave for the past 5 hours for nothing?" Lori groaned.

I rolled my eyes at her as we walked through the cave, looking back to see if Charlotte was still okay- which she was.

"I don't know, ask Clarke, I'm not a scientist," I replied with a straight face. I didn't need to look to know that she had furthered her glare.

"Yeah, well neither is Clarke. She's a doctor dummy." Lori fired back.

I rolled my eyes again, pausing in my steps when I saw the entrance to the cave approach.

"You stay right here in case anything happens. I'll go see if the fog is still out there." I ordered, changing my mind about letting her go outside with me. It could still be dangerous and if we both die, then Charlotte would be left here all alone.

Lori let out a sizable groan, letting me know she was annoyed, but I ignored it, continuing outside without her. To my surprise, I didn't hear her footsteps follow me out.

"It's all clear!" I shouted once I got outside. The fog was gone and it looked as if it hadn't even been there in the first place. So it hadn't killed the plants. Does that mean it won't kill us?

I heard faint mumbles through the cave as Lori and Charlotte made their way towards me, snickering at something Lori had said before she got here.

"What's so funny?" I asked curiously, although my voice sounded demanding. I gave Lori a mean glare, certain that whatever they were laughing at was about me, and the small snicker of a smile that was on her lips disappeared.

"Nothing. Just something she said." Lori replied with a grunt, continuing to approach me with Charlotte in her hands. She still had my jacket on, and although I was cold, I was too busy admiring how cute she was in it to even ask for it back.

I tore my eyes away from Lori, remembering that there were more pressing matters at hand than how she looked in my jacket.

A stone-cold expression returned to my face, along with a new feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach as I looked around the forest in search of anyone that could have been outside when the fog came.

If anyone _was_ out here, and they _didn't_ make it back to camp on time, or somewhere safe, I didn't know what I'd do with myself- I had enough guilt for my actions as it was, I didn't need any more death on my hands. Because as much as I tried to convince myself it wouldn't be my fault, the truth is it would. If anyone died, it _would_ be my fault.

My nerves got the better of me and I couldn't help but move from one foot to the other, my head twitching in all directions for any sign of _anyone_.

"Anyone out there!?" I yelled, trying not to seem too anxious. But as soon as the words left my lips, I knew I had given myself away. I was an easy person to read, anyone could hear the fear in my voice. I didn't like that.

"Jones!?" I repeated the last name of a man that had been with me for our hunting expedition.

As each second ticked by, I could physically feel myself become more tense.

If I have to bury one more body in the ground, I'm going to lose my mind.

"We're here!" He yelled back from the distance. _Oh, thank god_.

My fingers, released at my sides, the breath that I had been holding escaped my lips, and suddenly I felt a relieved smile tug at the corners of my mouth.

Lori sighed gratefully from behind me and I could hear her step beside me with Charlotte still by her side, a reassured smile on both of their faces.

I immediately started to walk in the direction of his voice as if I hadn't just been immobilized seconds ago.

"Lost you in the stew. Where'd you go?" I asked as I approached Jones and the rest of the group.

They walked closer to us, looking just as relieved to see us, as we did them.

"Made it to a cave, down there. The hell was that?" Jones asked, talking about the fog.

"I don't know. Where's Atom?" I asked, my chest tightening once again, as I searched for his face amongst the group.

When they didn't respond, I felt the smile on my lips melt from my face.

It's funny how that works. How one minute you can be perfectly fine, happy to be in the presence of the people you saw every day, and then the next minute, feel like you're going to die from a heart attack right then and there.

If it weren't for Lori's steady hand on my arm then I probably would have fainted. I looked over at her, searching for a reassuring smile or an eye roll- or _anything_ , that made this situation feel more normal, and was grateful to see that she looked somewhat ready to face this challenge.

Lori's pov-

My freehand- the one that wasn't grasping onto Charlottes for dear life- made it's way to Bellamy's toned bicep, trying to steady myself from the crippling anxiety violently spinning in my stomach.

He looked at me with the same anxious expression and I knew that he was going to be incapable of talking- leaving me to do all the talking for the both of us.

_Get a hold of yourself, Lori. Your people need you to be strong and clearly, Bellamy's going through something._

"We thought he was with you?" Jones asked Bellamy.

I looked at Bellamy who still seemed to be frozen in place and decided that it was time to say something for him.

"Well, he wasn't, so where the hell is he?" I asked, stepping in front of Bellamy confidently.

A moment of silence passed where the group of boys in front of us, looked at each other guiltily and at that point, I think we all knew what was about to happen. I had read enough adventure books back on the ark to know that this wasn't good.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" A little girl's scream sounded throughout the forest. The sound rang through our ears violently, and we all looked in the direction from which it came from.

I bit my lip, grabbing Bellamy's hand in the process.

"Fucking shit," I muttered under my breath, immediately sprinting off towards the sound of the scream with Bellamy right beside me.

It didn't take us long to find Atom, thanks to Charlotte who had wandered off without us and found his body- hence the scream.

_Just my luck._

"Son of a bitch." I mumbled, letting go of Bellamy's hand when I saw the terribly bloodied body that belonged to Atom.

"Atom" Bellamy came to his senses, muttering his name under his breath.

He let go of where he had been clinging on to Charlotte and ran towards Atom's body helplessly, whereas I just stayed put, too afraid to get anywhere near him.

Boil's that leaked puss covered Atom's skin along with a mixture of dirt, mud, and sweat that caked over the boils like icing. And even though I was a good distance away from his body I could still hear the quiet- but desperate- breaths coming from his mouth, indicating that he was having a hard time breathing.

I wanted to turn and look away. Or better yet, run away. But what kind of person would that make me? He was in pain, obviously about to die- there's no way of getting around that. I couldn't just leave him here for Bellamy to watch him die slowly and in pain. Not even the worst person in the world deserves that.

"Bellamy." I stepped forward slightly, yearning to comfort him in some way but he didn't even notice me which was understandable. All he saw was the bloody body in front of him.

I continued to watch as Bellamy crouched down to the ground by Atom, slowly reaching out his shaking hand to Atom's chest. The interaction was heartbreaking to watch. Every single time Atom would take another wheezy breath Bellamy would flinch as if he were hurt just by hearing him breathe. I felt bad for him. Although I couldn't tell which one I felt bad for more.

The one that was dying painfully on the ground. Or the one that was _watching_ him die slowly on the ground unable to do anything at all to help.

"Kill me." Atom whispered shakily.

It took a second for Bellamy to realize what he had said, but when he did I could see the immediate shock light up his face.

"Kill me." He begged. Atom's hand slowly moved up to clutch Bellamys as he said this, as if pleading for him to do it and I couldn't help the shaky breath that escaped my lips. It wasn't his words that made me break, it was the sheer desperation that leaked through them.

But we couldn't just sit here and watch him die. Atom wanted someone to kill him.

And Bellamy sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to do it. I wouldn't allow it.

Hours seemed to pass as I contemplated our choices and Atom coughed and sputtered on the ground helplessly. Of course, I didn't even notice that Charlotte had slowly made her way up to where I was standing, pulling out the knife that Bellamy gave her.

"I..c-can't breath." Atom shuddered, violently convulsing on the ground while we stayed standing.

I flinched when the cold metal of the knife Charlotte had been carrying hit the palm of my hand. I hadn't touched one in years- or atleast, touched one with the full intent to kill, but still, my fingers began to shakily wrap around the hilt, a small percentage of me liking the feeling of it in my hands. It felt good to have one in my possession, although it didn't feel good, knowing what I had to do with it.

"Don't be afraid," Charlotte whispered to me.

Bellamy's eyes darted in my direction when he heard the little girl's voice, immediately drifting down to the knife in my hand.

I looked at him, a wave of sympathy crashing over me before I tilted my head downwards and away from his eyes, walking up slowly to Atoms shaking body.

I knew what had to be done. And even though I hated it with every bone in my body, I knew that it was the right thing to do. It was a mercy kill.

"Go back to camp," Bellamy demanded the group of boys behind us that I hadn't even noticed had been standing there.

As I lowered myself down to Atom's body next to Bellamy, I realized that I couldn't even hear the boys walk away. I was to tranced to look at anything else but Atom's helpless eyes.

"Charlotte, you too," Bellamy said more softly.

Charlotte looked from me to Bellamy to Atom one more time before walking away hesitantly obviously concerned for us both.

A moment of silence passed where I just stared at Atom's terrified eyes and Bellamy stared at mine as if I were about to explode.

Suddenly the knife in my hand felt heavier than before.

I had never killed in front of anyone, let alone Bellamy.

It was usually all the same anyway. The killing. I'd shut out everyone and everything around me only focused on the one thing I had to kill. But this time it was different. This time Bellamy was here and I couldn't just shut him out as I did with others. More like I _didn't_ _want_ to.

A single tear slid down my eye, my chest tightening at the sound of Bellamy's voice.

"Lori.." Bellamy spoke softly.

I looked down at my hand realizing that Bellamy had managed to wrap his hand around mine comfortingly which made me feel even worse.

"Lori..." Bellamy repeated again, the worry in his voice even more evident than before. I looked up at him shakily, feeling his hand wrap around the knife that I was holding, slowly trying to take it away from me.

"Kill me.." Atoms desperate voice could be heard in the background serving as a painful reminder for what was next to come.

I felt my eyes slowly drift away from Bellamy's at the sound of Atom's voice, but Bellamy just grabbed my chin making me look at him again.

"Someone has to do it, Bellamy." I sniffled.

Bellamy sighed, moving closer to me with a sad look in his eyes.

"I know, I know but it can't be you okay? Go back to camp." He spoke softly.

I shook my head no quickly, my reflexes kicking in grabbing the knife again even more tightly.

"No. No. No. I'm going to do it. _You go back to camp_." I quivered, wiping away my tear with my other hand.

I could see the hesitance in Bellamy's eyes when he watched me slowly turn back around to Atom again. If he didn't want me to do it then why is he just standing there and watching me? Why can't he just leave me to do it in solitude?

"Bellamy go away. Go back to camp." I spoke, my voice raspy, but urgent.

Bellamy's hand only further wrapped around mine, pulling me back to look at him again desperately.

"No. That's not how this works. Either you let me do it and go back to camp, or you stay here and watch me do it; But _you_ aren't doing it. Give me the knife." Bellamy demanded.

I continued to look away from him defiantly, eager to get him to leave.

"Lori give me the knife right now," Bellamy pressed, a slight tremble in his voice.

I understood that he was scared. Worried. Guilty. But Atom was his friend. It would be cruel of me to let him do this on his own. Which was why I had to. I had more experience anyway.

Another moment of silence passed where Bellamy just stared at me urgently expecting me to hand him the knife so he could kill Atom.

"How about we do it together?" He suddenly asked.

His eyes drifted over to me once again in question, hoping that I agreed to his compromise.

For a moment as I stared at him, I thought that I would say no again but then suddenly I nodded my head, letting him take the knife with my hand slowly.

"Together," Bellamy repeated, the warmth of his voice comforting me in ways I didn't quite understand.

As much as I liked to think that I could do this by myself a part of me relaxed when Bellamy suggested to do it together and I had a hard time making sense of that. I had never been like this before. Why was it so different now?

I was becoming weak. What kind of person am I, if I don't even have the strength it takes to do a mercy kill by myself?

My hands slightly relaxed again at the feeling of Bellamy's hand around mine and the knife, pulling me back into the horrific reality in front of us.

"Okay." I started, looking back at Atom softly.

Atom stared at me expectantly, still trembling in what I assumed to be pain.

"Kill me." He said again, desperation leaking from his voice. I nodded my head, moving mine and Bellamy's hand closer to his neck.

"I'm gonna help you okay?" I asked Atom, trying to hide the shakiness in my voice.

I started humming softly to a random tune, hoping that it comforted him even the tiniest bit.

Bellamy took control now, sliding the knife into Atoms neck smoothly and I couldn't help the tears that fell from my eyes.

We pulled the knife out, watching his blood pool out of the wound and onto the floor and it took every ounce of strength in me not to just curl up into a pathetic ball right there and cry. it was bad enough that I had cried last night in front of Bellamy. I couldn't do it again today.

Death was scary. Always has been and always will be. It just agitated me that I had never been able to mask it. Death was the one weakness I had.

My other hand- the one that wasn't holding Bellamy's- moved to softly brush my fingers through Atoms hair as he died, still humming softly.

"It's okay Buddy. It'll all be over soon." Bellamy spoke smoothly, his eyes not leaving the wound in Atoms neck that _we_ had made. I wonder if Bellamy had ever killed someone before. Was this his first time?

I hoped it wasn't. I would feel too bad if it was.This would be a terrible first kill anyway. Mine was symbolic. This is just tragic. And I hoped that Bellamy didn't think that this was his fault for the rest of his life.

I closed my eyes tightly, still running my fingers through Atoms hair and blocking out everything around me for what seemed like hours.

"Lori," Bellamy started, but his words sounded too quiet to be heard.

_11_

"Lori. Lori stop." He repeated, though I still couldn't quite hear him through the chaotic thoughts running through my mind.

_11 dead by my hand._

"Lori you can stop now. He's dead... Lori, he's dead." Bellamy pressed, the feeling of his hand grabbing mine tightly, slowly making its way to my brain.

" **He's dead**. You can stop now," he said again.

_dead_

_dead_

_He's dead._

_He's dead._

"He's dead. He's dead." I whispered out loud, repeating the words that were running through my brain.

"Dead. He's dead." I said again, tears now streaming from my eyes, even though I couldn't feel them.

I couldn't really feel anything.

**Bellamy's pov-**

"He's dead. He's dead." Lori whispered, her hand harshly running through Atoms hair despite the fact that I had told her she could stop.

"Dead. He's dead." She repeated, tears running down her face from out of nowhere.

"Lori stop. You're scaring me," I whispered, slowly reaching my hand out to pull her other hand away from Atoms hair that she had been running her hands through, harshly, for the past 15 minutes.

She only continued to do it, whispering something about him being dead like she didn't hear me.

I looked around the forest as if expecting someone to come out from the trees and help her before it dawned at me that _I_ was the one that had to help her.

I attempted again, to pull her hand away from the now dead Atom, but she pushed me away. Like literally _pushed_ me away.

"Lori stop. _Stop_." I said again, hoping that some part of my words registered in her brain.

But they didn't, because she continued to sob, her hands now bloody from the blood of the wound that had made it to Atoms hair.

Can she not hear me?

What the hell is going on?

Worry now seeping into my chest, I quickly made my way to her hand again, forcefully trying to pull it away from Atom.

"Stop. Stop it, Lori." I demanded, hastily grabbing both of her hands.

She used her arms to try and shove me away, her eyes not leaving Atoms, and that's when I knew something was terribly wrong.

"LORI STOP!" I shouted, continuing to try and pull her from her trance.

When she continued to scratch and punch, I decided I had to take extra measures.

I wrapped my arms around her torso, now beginning to pull her away from Atoms body altogether.

She screamed when my hands wrapped around her stomach immediately trying to force herself away from me like I was trying to murder her.

"Lori stop it right now," I repeated firmly as she sobbed and screamed and punched and kicked.

A part of me felt hurt that she was trying to push me away. I'm only trying to help her.

But one look into her vacant eyes and I knew that it wasn't Lori. It was some weird alternative version of her that couldn't hear or see anything I was doing. She was scared and I was the only one here to help her.

And help her is what I'll do.

I took a deep breath, tightening my grip around her tiny torso, using every ounce of strength I had to pull her away from Atoms body.

_Man was she strong when she really wanted to be._

She grunted in retaliation, trying to elbow me in the stomach but I took the elbow not letting it affect my strength as I pulled her away, hoping that she wasn't having some kind of psychotic break.

That wasn't what it was right? It's just a panic attack.

"He's dead. They're all dead! DEAD DEAD DEAD!" She sobbed, her voice cracking in pain. I winced when I heard her hoarse voice, somehow feeling like this was all my fault. I shouldn't have let her stay here with me. I should've made her go back to camp instead of being a pussy and allowing her to stay all because I was scared of doing it myself. I literally let her _Kill someon_ e with me.

"Dead. They're all fucking dead." She repeated, her words slightly going down into a whisper as she continued to cry helplessly.

Despite the overall feeling that she wasn't in the right state of mind, I could also sense the sadness etched into her voice that made _even me_ want to cry. It was obvious that whatever she was thinking about, had been engraved in her brain for years. I just wish that I could do more to fix it.

"Hey, hey hey hey, calm down princess. It's okay. I'm right here." I spoke softly, managing to successfully pull her away from Atoms dead body.

Her attempts at pushing me away, I could tell, were slowly coming to an end. I just had to help her along the way.

"Lori I'm right here okay? I'm not going anywhere." I reassured, slowly running my hands through her hair, my breath starting to slow down after all of that fighting.

Sweat caked her forehead as if she had just run a marathon, but I ignored it, continuing to brush my hands through her sweaty hair.

Her breathing didn't slow down, matter of fact it seemed to go faster at the sudden silence that was now brimming through the forest.

"Hey, Hey slow down. It's okay. I promise that everything's okay." I said again, my grip on her tightening.

Realizing that she still seemed tense, I decided to do something that my mom used to always do for me when I was a kid and I was anxious.

"Hey, can you do something for me? Here I want you to do something for me, can you- can you tell me what the color of that tree is right there? The one with the bird's nest in it?" I asked, pointing my hand in the direction of the tree closest to us.

Her eyes slowly made their way to the tree I was pointing at, her mouth parted open but not saying a word.

"Huh? Can you?" I asked again.

She slowly nodded her head, a faint wheeze escaping her lips.

"Brown. Brown and green." She replied, her voice raspy and small.

"Good. Now, what about that one right there? What color is that one?" I asked, trying my best to divert her attention away from whatever it was that was clouding her mind.

She shifted her eyes to the tree that I was now pointing at, her eyebrows furrowing slightly, the only sound audibly being her heavy breaths that now seemed to be slowing down.

"How is this supposed to help?" She asked softly, her head flopping to the side and away from the tree, I was pointing at.

"Just trust me. Now, what color is the tree?" I prodded, forcing her to look back up.

She hesitantly nodded, now looking at the tree once again.

"White and black." She responded, the raspiness in her voice still there but slightly better.

I smiled slightly to myself glad that my distraction seemed to be working.

Immediately she relaxed again, her whole body leaning back into mine like she was finally coming to her senses.

A moment passed of just me running my hands through her hair, her breathing starting to slow down in response to her calmness and I now started to think about what had just happened.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to go all psycho on you. I just get really...freaked out when I see dead bodies." She said hesitantly, breaking the silence that we had been sharing for the past few minutes.

I nodded my head slowly into the crook of her neck, allowing myself to relax at the realization that she was back again. I had managed to get the Lori I know back from whatever hell she had been imprisoned in, in her head.

I didn't understand any of it. I didn't understand anything about her really. She was so confusing most of the time and I think that's also why she was so intriguing. But I did understand what it felt like to be scared, confused, alone, etc. I didn't know exactly what she was feeling. Or why she was feeling it. But I don't have to, to comfort her. All I have to do is be here really. Let her know that I'm not leaving.

Something had happened during the night in that cave. It was like...she showed me the _real_ Lori Reyes. Which made me realise that the real Lori Reyes, is actually pretty similar to me.

"It's okay. I understand." I spoke softly, not wanting to set her off again.

I had the feeling she wasn't telling me the whole truth but I ignored it, just happy that she was back to normal.

"You really scared me, Lori. You really, really scared me." I said slowly letting out a relieved breath. My grip around her tightened even further as I said this and even though I could tell that I was squeezing just a bit too hard, I didn't stop. And she didn't stop me.

Another moment of silence passed where we just sat like that, relaxing into each other's embrace even though it felt wrong.

"Bellamy, why do you want to get everyone's wristbands so badly? I mean, you know why _I_ want to get the wristbands but why do _you_ want to get everyone's wristbands?" Lori asked, her voice small and wheezy.

I contemplated telling her the truth. Maybe then everything would be easier. We could get along easier.

But then I realized that the truth probably wouldn't fix things at all. if anything it would just further push her away from me. She would realize that I'm just being a selfish prick and would run away, despite the fact that I knew she was doing the same.

"I'll tell you later, okay?" I asked softly, my eyes drifting to the forest around me.


	13. ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟙𝟘- 𝕊𝕙𝕖 𝕝𝕖𝕗𝕥 𝕦𝕤 ✅

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'd like you all to know that this is another flashback chapter.
> 
> So that means that the whole chapter is a flashback from when Lori was younger. This is also a flashback chapter in a three-part series so the next two chapters after this will also be flashback chapters.
> 
> ‼️⚠️IMPORTANT⚠️‼️- IN THIS FLASHBACK LORI IS 5 YEARS OLD.

**Song for this chapter- Yesterday by The Beatles**

****

_Flashback begins-_

_"Raven would you please knock that off, I'm trying to read your sister this book but she can't hear me over you're loud humming." My mother spoke softly, but strictly at the same time._

_My eyes floated over to Raven who was sitting at the edge of the single bed we had in our room, watching us with a spiteful gleam in her eye._

_I didn't quite understand it, but it seemed as more days went by of me being stuffed into that tiny hole under the ground, the more Raven disappeared to go with a woman named "Abigail Griffin". Otherwise known as Abby._

_Abby had a daughter named Clarke, around our age so that's probably why Raven went over so much but still, it didn't explain why she kept throwing glares at mom._

_Raven's eyes softened when they reached mine and I smiled. That's one thing that I hope would never change between us. I hope that even if one day, she hates mom so much that she can't stand to be in a room with her, she'll still be able to stand by me._

_"It's okay ma, Raven can hum. I think I'm ready to go to sleep anyway." I offered sweetly, even though I wasn't the least bit tired._

_"Nonsense. You know I know when you're lying. Here, since you love your sister so much. how about Raven, you read her the rest of the book. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. I have to run to the marketplace anyway." Mom reasoned, slowly getting up from where she was sat on the ground next to me._

_I immediately retaliated by wrapping my body around her leg, my mouth shaped into a pout._

_"No!" I shouted._

_Both mom and Raven's eyes got big, immediately putting their finger up to their mouths to shush me._

_I groaned in annoyance, before looking back up at mom pleadingly._

_"Baby I'm sorry but I really have to go. We've run out of paste again." Mom explained._

_I only continued to pout at her, making sure that I especially had tears in my eyes for sympathy points._

_I didn't understand why she had to go right_ **_now_ ** _. Couldn't she wait until later? We were just getting to the good part of the book!_

_Raven sighed, taking the book from Mom's hands swiftly._

_"I'll read it to her mommy. Abby says I'm getting better at reading anyway. This will be a piece of cake." Raven smiled reassuringly._

_Mom looked from me to Raven with a hesitant look on her face, as if weighing the possible outcomes of all the bad things that could happen but it seemed as though she found none because she started to slowly nod her head._

_"Alright. Well, I'll be back. You know the rules. No talking loudly. No arguing. Take care of each other. And if you hear anyone walk by the door, make sure you get into your hiding spot." Mom directed, looking to me at the last sentence._

_I reluctantly nodded my head despite the fact that I really wanted her to stay, knowing that there was nothing I could do._

_Raven gave mom a thumbs up with a toothy smile and mom left, the promise of her coming back hanging in the air._

_"Alrighty then. Are you ready to finish reading the rest of your book?" Raven asked enthusiastically, holding the book up in the air proudly._

_I only nodded my head, still slightly upset about the fact that mom left, although happy that I got to spend some quality time with my twin._

_"Great. Now, where were you...ah! Chapter 5!" Raven exclaimed, making sure to seem excited about it._

_And with that, Raven began to read to me. I was surprised to find that Abby was right when she told Raven she was getting better at reading._

_Matter of fact, she was exceedingly excellent at it._

_. . ._

_"And they were married that day. The soldier chosen to become the King's heir. The end." Raven finished._

_By now it was hours later, probably around nighttime, and mom had yet to come back._

_"Wow! I can't believe they used to tell these very stories to people on earth 100's of years ago. Do you think it's a true story?" I asked eagerly._

_Raven's brows furrowed slightly at the thought._

_"Hmmm. The 12 dancing princesses? No way. It has way too much magic in it to be real life." Raven exclaimed._

_My eager expression fell at her statement, a now sadish look in my eye._

_Raven always was more of a realist. She didn't believe in magical fairies that turned you into pumpkins at the crack of dawn, or secret passageways that went on for hours with trees filled with diamonds._

_Me? Why of course I believe!_

_I hope one day a magical fairy would turn_ **_me_ ** _into a beautiful princess with an enchanted fairy life.._

_"Shouldn't mommy be back by now!" I suddenly shouted angrily._

_Raven quickly covered my mouth with her hand to silence my loud cries._

_"Shhh. Keep it down. People can hear you." Raven scolded._

_I pouted guiltily, wrapping my hands around my knees._

_I hated it when Raven acted like she was more mature than me. Sure, she might be smart and all that but she's not my mother! We're the same age! Though of course, I would never say this out loud. I'm too shy._

_"I'm sure she'll be back soon. She wouldn't leave us here alone for too long." Raven assured._

_Although a seemingly comforting statement, it only made my stomach turn more._

_Ravens right. Mom would never leave us here alone forever. What if something has happened?! What if she's hurt!?_

_"Do you w-" Raven started but her voice came to an abrupt stop when the sound of footsteps came from outside of the door._

_Both of our eyes widened and in a flash, Raven had sat up, moving towards the secret compartment under the floor that I knew all too well._

_As much as I wished I didn't have to hide under the floor, I knew that I didn't have any say in the matter. I remember when I used to throw fit's because of it, but now the reason why I even had to go under there in the first place has become engraved in my brain permanently._

**_I'm not allowed to be alive._ **

_Raven used all of her strength to open the door to the compartment, then beckoned me to go into it._

_I sighed but quickly moved across the room and towards the door as usual._

_"I'm sc-" I started to express my fear but Raven didn't seem to want to hear it because in a matter of seconds she had shoved me into the compartment without a word, the darkness covering the space around me like a blanket._

_Oh, how I hate my life._

_Thankfully I had managed to get into it just in time because the moment the door closed above me, the sound of someone barging in came from above._

_Well more like_ **_multiple_ ** _people barging in._

_"Huh?" I heard a loud voice ask._

_"Where's the mother?" Another voice piped._

_My fingers clenched at my sides, aching to rip open the door and run out, but I knew I couldn't. That would make my already terrible situation even worse._

_Instead, I held on to what little bravery I had left and continued to listen to the conversation above rather than giving in to my fear of closed spaces._

_"She's not here. What do you want?" I heard Raven say firmly, although her voice was heavily distorted by the metal between us, scaring me further._

_"Where did she go?" Another man asked. I heard more footsteps shuffle through the room and my stomach turned for a different reason. Whoever was up there was someone I certainly didn't know. And whoever was up there was getting dangerously close to my secret compartment._

_"She went to the marketplace. What's it to you?" Raven asked again._

_I heard one of the men snicker. An evil, sinister, disgusting snicker that made me want to barf out everything I had in my stomach._

_"You really don't know do you?" One asked._

_"Know what?" Raven took the words from my mouth._

_Another snicker._

_"You poor, silly,_ **_stupid_ ** _little girl._ **_She left you!_ ** _" One of the men mocked, although I wasn't paying too much attention to his voice. Just the words he was saying._

_Left us?_

_She_ **_left us_ ** _?_

_I didn't have time to even fully register what he was saying before suddenly someone spoke again. This time more harshly._

_"We don't have time for this. Marty, open the compartment like Kane said." The one that seemed to be in command, ordered._

_My stomach did three full backflips at the order, my mind immediately thinking about the very compartment_ **_I_ ** _was in._

_No, they wouldn't..._

_They couldn't possibly be..._

_They can't..._

_The sound of Raven crying horridly from above me woke me from my thoughts, and that's when I knew that this was real. This was really happening to me._

_Come on, where's my fairy godmother?_

_I started to cry as silently as I could, trembling violently as a result of my claustrophobia. Although I knew my fear of being trapped in tiny spaces would soon be the least of my concerns if they opened the very door I was trapped in._

_I screamed bloody murder when the hatch tore open to reveal at least 10 buff guards, all with tazers in hand looking ready to kill._

_"Raven!" I cried when I saw my twin being held against her will in the corner of the room by one of the guards._

_I gasped when a guard grabbed me by the arm, beginning to pull me up from the darkness harshly._

_From that moment the world seemed to spin around me in one giant, shaky blur, my eyes not wanting to focus on the cold reality in front of me. Mother left. They found me._

_Mother left us. Mother left me._

_They found me._

_"No! Don't take her!" I heard Raven scream, a shade of pure horror etched in her voice._

_But it was too late because I could already feel my tiny feet being dragged across the metal floor as if I were a mere doll. A piece of garbage._

_I screamed again, violently trying to pull away from the guard's grasp, only to have one of them clamp my mouth shut with their hand._

_A cold metal-enclosed around both of my wrists and behind my back and I knew immediately that they were cuffs. For a prisoner._

_"Let go of her! Please, I'll do anything!" Raven shouted._

_The guard in front of me laughed evilly and I felt my stomach start to drop._

_"No need. Your mother will be paying all the price." The guard sneered._

_My eyes physically widened and I could feel myself start to thrash around even harder in the guard's tight grip._

**_Your mother will be paying the price._ **

_As if on cue, the door barged open again, and even though I couldn't see anything I knew just by the sound of her footsteps that it was my very own mother. The one that had left me only hours ago._

_"Get your hands off of my daughter!" She roared, her violent steps making their way into the room._

_I would have smiled at the word daughter before, but now all that seemed to come out was a cry._

_Behind all the pain and sadness that I felt, I could sense fear. I, of course, was sad that my mother left us, but that didn't mean that I wanted her to be_ **_killed_ ** _. She was my mother. The only other family member I had in my life besides Raven. She had to get out of here before they got her!_

_"Mommy leave! They'll get you!" I tried to scream but my voice was scratchy and came out more like a barely audible croak._

_My vision came back into focus and I wished it hadn't. because the sight in front of me was even worse than the vision I had in my head. More real._

_Hot tears continued to stream down my eyes as I looked at my distressed mother, her feet planted bravely at the door as if beckoning the guards to attack her._

_Their faces lit up at the sight of my mother at the door, immediately reaching for the tazers in their belts that they've probably used thousands of times before on troubled people such as myself if I wasn't careful. Although now all I could think about was it being used on_ **_her_ ** _._

_My fear was proven to be true when the sound of multiple tazers around the room flooded through my ears and melted into my brain._

_Everything else around me became invisible to my eye, the only sight I was able to see being my mother's body coursing violently in front of me before falling to the floor with a loud, wincing, thud._

_All the muscles in her back and legs visibly tensed up at the sudden electric shock and I let out another terrified scream._

_"Mommy!" Raven shouted at the same time._

_From that moment forward nothing seemed real anymore. I didn't even see or hear anything._

_I stopped crying. I stopped shaking. I stopped screaming._

_I stopped breathing._


	14. ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟙𝟙- 𝕊𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕠𝕣 ✅

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is STILL A FLASHBACK CHAPTER lol.
> 
> Enjoy my lovelies<3

**Song for this chapter-** **_Dream on by Aerosmith_ **

**_2 and a half weeks later_ **

_With each day I spent in this dusty hospital room I could feel myself physically start to go insane. Time seemed to slow and it got harder to tell what was real and what wasn't._

_Only 2 and a half weeks later and I already feel like a grown adult._

_I'd often have dreams of waking up to find that my mom's trial had gone bad and they were planning on floating her. But that's all they were. Dreams..._

_Well, at least I think they were dreams. As I said, it's getting harder to tell what my mind makes up and what it doesn't._

_They gave me medicine that's supposed to help stop my hallucinations but it doesn't seem to be working because I can still hear that guard's voice in the back of my head,_ **_laughing_ ** _. Laughing as he held me and my sister against our will. Laughing as my mom fell to the floor in agonizing pain._

_Every single day I woke up, hoping to feel something. Anything- anything at all would be enough._

_But still nothing._

_I haven't felt anything since a week ago when they found me under the floor._

_And it didn't help that nobody would let me see Raven or my mom. I think that maybe if I could see them just once, it would trigger some sort of emotion in me._

_I just want to know if they're okay._

_I sat up in bed trying to distract myself from all the bad thoughts brimming in my mind so I could at least fall asleep. My doctor said that if I could go 2 days without having a "panic attack" then I would be able to leave the medical center. But just the thought of being able to do that seemed impossible._

_The only thing keeping me going at this point was the feeling of the metal cuffs I wore, scratching my wrist bloody. It's not like I enjoyed the pain or anything. But it made me feel something. And it distracted me from everything else going on inside my mind._

_I suppose maybe I should ask someone to take them off. What I was doing couldn't possibly be good for me._

_But if they took this away from me then I would have nothing. And I've always had something. Something to keep me going. Even when I was trapped inside that metal box under the floor, I had the sound of my mother's voice to lull me to sleep._

_But now all I had was my own thoughts. My own silence. And it was louder than noise._

_So a couple of minor cuts around my wrist was a risk I was willing to take for the sake of feeling emotion. Even if it was pain._

_Suddenly, in an unexpected twist of events, the door to my hospital room opened._

_My head shot up at the sound, expecting it to be one of the few nurses I have come acquainted with during my stay at the medical center or my doctor._

_But it was neither._

_A tall man with bushy eyebrows and a strong build stood at the door with a shocked expression planted on his face. He stood as if he expected_ **_me_ ** _to come to him. As if he wasn't the one that had come to me in the first place._

_He cleared his throat after a long second of staring at me, his shocked expression melting away into a plain, unreadable one._

_"Sorry for the interruption, my name is Micheal. Micheal Cadell. Your the second-born twin of Lauren Reyes, is that correct?" He asked, not fumbling over his words in the slightest. It was as if he had rehearsed this._

_Second-born twin sister._

_He said that weirdly._

_Every single person I've ever met (not including my mom or sister) always said it in such a horrid way. As if it was a nasty bad word that wasn't supposed to be said._

_But not him._

_He said it with a sort of... longing._

_"Yes." Was all I responded with._

_I flinched slightly when he started to move towards me and he seemed to notice because he stopped in his tracks about midway._

_"Have you not heard of me?" he seemed to realize, looking taken aback._

_"I'm sorry but I don't think I have. I did l-live under a f-floor for the majority of my life." I mumbled shyly._

_He seemed to smile for a second as if it were a joke but when he saw my still serious expression he stopped._

_"You can't be serious?" he said in a slightly mocking tone._

_"I am." I gulped._

_He frowned, although I'm not sure why and I began to question whether or not this was another hallucination. Now that I think about it, how did he even get in here? You needed special permission to enter a patient's room._

_"Did your mother not ever tell you who your father was?" he asked suddenly._

_My brows furrowed at the word father, trying to rack up anything in my memory about what my mother has told me surrounding that word. But found nothing._

_"No," I responded truthfully._

_He looked sad at the response but it was only for a second before the stone-cold look returned to his face once more._

_"I'm sorry for asking but, is there something you're here to tell me?" I asked with a sharp intake of breath._

_Why was he here? Who let him in here? And why was he asking about my father that I've never even heard about?_

_"Oh-uh, yes actually there is." He began. The moment he started fumbling over his words was the moment I should have known something was wrong. But I remained clueless as ever._

_He inhaled deeply as if he were stressed about something although I didn't know what._

_"Um, so this isn't going to be easy for me to tell you but you have to trust me. I don't have much time, I'm supposed to be on b-deck guard duty with the chancellor." He continued._

**_Guard duty._ **

_I quickly looked down at his outfit, shocked to realize that I hadn't even noticed he was a guard. He wore the guards uniform and everything, including a shining tazer on his belt._

_My face visibly paled at the sight of the uniform and I began to back away farther on the bed out of reflex. He didn't seem to notice._

_"I need you to believe me when I say what I'm about to say, no matter how crazy it sounds." He repeated._

_I nodded my head quickly, eager to hear whatever he was going to say. Was I prepared to believe him? Probably not. I don't really feel like believing in anything right now. I once believed in fairy godmothers. Not anymore._

_"Abby is the one that told on you, your mother, and Raven," he admitted rather calmly._

_I froze, trying to fully process what he was saying._

_Abby? The one that Raven likes more than mom?_

_"Abby Griffin?" I asked with caution. Did I really want to know the answer?_

_"Yes. Abigail Griffin. She has a daughter around your age. Clarke Griffin. But Abby told on you. She told the Chancellor that you were hiding under the floor." He confirmed._

_I looked up at him, half expecting to see some kind of malicious intent hidden in his eyes but I found none. He was deadly serious._

_"Why are you telling me this? How did you find out? Who are you to my mom?" I began to spit out question after question, not really wanting to hear the answers, just wanting to express my thoughts._

_He paused, slightly taken aback by my forwardness and I could tell that he was hesitating to answer my questions._

_What did he know that I didn't know? How does he know who I am? And most importantly, how does he know this? How do I know he's not lying?_

_"A-a-are you another hallucination? Am I going crazy again?" I asked suddenly, my eyes widening in fear._

_I wanted to scream at the thought. If this wasn't real then who's to say that anything is real?_

_He frowned deeply, starting to move toward me again. I made no move to go backward. He grabbed my hand lightly, the sensation of his_ **_real_ ** _fingers on my hand, pushing away my bad thoughts._

_"This isn't a hallucination. I promise you. Im real. And I'm here." he said in a voice that comforted me in a strange kind of way, bringing me back to the reality in front of me._

_Although I could still feel a weird sense of worry in the back of my mind._

_Call me crazy but he seems familiar. The feeling of him seems familiar._

_Who is he? Who is he to me and my mom?_

_"Micheal-" I began to say but the loud sound of the door opening yet again, cut me off bluntly._

_My chest tightened and I grabbed Micheal's hand tighter out of worry that I wouldn't get to hear the rest of what he had to say._

_I didn’t want to be left with nothing but questions when he left._

_A nurse that I've come to know by the name Lucila was standing at the door with a timid look on her face, a tiny clipboard in her hands that only held one piece of information on it._

_"Your mother's results from the trial have been determined," Lucila stated, acting as if she didn't see the unauthorized man in the room with me._

_The room went completely silent as if someone had said something they shouldn't have._

_I looked from her to Micheal, wishing that I felt scared in the slightest because now I look like a sociopath._

_I cleared my throat, trying to feign worry._

_"And?" I asked in a small voice._

_Lucila paused, a look of sympathy splashing across her facial features and I knew the answer._

_"They found her guilty. She's being executed tomorrow afternoon at 5:00 Walden time." Lucila responded._

_I heard Micheal take in a hitched breath from beside me but I just remained still._

_Calm._

_Emotionless._

_"I'll be there," I stated in a monotonous voice._

_. . ._

_The walls seemed to echo around me with each footstep I took towards the infamous floating room. In just a few minutes my mom would be floated. There's no point in even sugarcoating it._

_I wanted to run. Run far away from the stupid room and into the secluded, scary, dark hole that I hid under for 5 years of my life, although I knew it would do nothing to ease my pain. And plus, with these heavy chains that bound my arms together in a knot behind my back, it's not like I could do much to run away. They'd probably catch me anyway, I'm not that fast._

_Two singular guards stood behind me, watching my every move. If they were smart they would have put more guards. But I guess there not because if they were smart they wouldn't be floating my mother either._

_So far, if your wondering, I still feel nothing. I know that somewhere deep inside me there's a little girl who is scared to death about what's to happen next but I can't reach her. Right now all that I'm able to reach is anticipation. I'm getting impatient._

_I want to talk to her, and I want to talk to her now. But Kane (the chancellor) has decided that I only get 5 minutes. Five measly minutes to feel something. To express everything in my mind to her. And those five minutes are a long way away. To be exact they are in precisely 30 minutes. I know that might not seem like a lot of time to wait to talk to her but trust me, it is when everything around you is grey and dull._

_Another thing about being outside of that hole in the floor for the first time since I was born was that I got to see what the ark was really like. The mechanics of the whole place outside of the room. And well, let's just say I wasn't missing out on anything exciting. The whole place is just completely and utterly...boring._

_I've heard that it's better in places like Pheonix. The ark is divided into 3 central areas. They're like what the people from earth used to call "states" or "countries" except not as big because we are on a floating spaceship. These three sections are named "Pheonix", "Walden", and "Arcadia". I live on Walden. Which I've come to learn is one of the poorer places on the ark. Unlike Pheonix which I've heard is filled with the richest of rich people who live extravagant lives. Arcadia is like a middle ground._

_But here on Walden it definitely shows that the people here are poor. No extravagant anything. Just plain old grey walls and people without shoes._

_As we walked another strange sense of calmness filled the air._

_That's the one good thing about being outside of the room I lived in my whole life. More specifically the floor._

_Nothing felt claustrophobic anymore._

_Once I really took the time to just accept that I was found I have come to see that I actually kind of liked being outside of the room. I liked the sort of tranquility that came with it- that is when I wasn't hallucinating._

_It was like I could finally breathe again._

_15 minutes._

_15 more minutes till I got to see her._

_Would I get to see Raven too?_

_Raven..._

_Micheal had to leave after Lucila came in and told me the news about my mother. Well, he didn't_ **_have_ ** _to leave- more like he_ **_chose_ ** _to. He started to seem really anxious and told me that he had to leave because he had a lot to process._

_And so he did. He left. And I haven't seen him since then._

_But what really irked me about the situation was all of the things he said before he left. The things about Abby._

_If what he said was true then that means that Abigail Griffin, the woman whom Raven idolized, the woman who helped birth me, and Raven, the woman who was a friend to my family for so many years, was the one that is technically responsible for my mothers soon to be death._

_Now,_ **_that_ ** _is a lot to process._

_The weight of all of the information I know and didn't know seemed to get heavier with each minute._

_In my head, this isn't really happening. Well, it is but at the same time, it doesn't feel like it._

_Everything seemed to move so quickly but so slow at the same time. And I was just in the middle of it, watching everything happen up close._

_I mean what am I supposed to do about it?_

_I can plead to the court to spare my mother but they won't listen. If they spare her then whos to say they can't spare others? I can attempt an escape but I won't get very far. Especially not when I don't know my way around the place._

_There's nothing I can do to fix anything. I'm just a kid stuck in an unfortunate situation all because I was born._

_8 minutes._

_8 minutes until I see my mother._

_I closed my eyes trying to find some clarity. Trying to find something real to grasp onto. Something to make me feel something._

_But there was nothing. No clarity. No emotion. Just utter chaos._

_I needed something to ground me._

_Something to bring me back to reality. Or someone. Anybody would be fine._

_6 minutes until I see my mother._

_I remember earlier when I felt impatient. It felt like such a long time to wait to talk to her. But now it seems like the complete opposite of that._

_Too fast._

_It's moving too fast. I can't see her like this. She can't see_ **_me_ ** _like this._

_What will she even say? What will I say? So many thoughts that I have to express, but no real way to do it. I can't feel anything. What if I don't even cry?_

_Also, she left us._

_She left us that night that they found me under the floor. And then she came back at the last moment only to be tazed and caught. Now she's going to die._

_She's going to die and It's my fault but I can't even feel anything about it._

_4 minutes until I see her._

_No tears. Not even a whimper. No pain. No ache._

_I wonder how Raven's doing._

_Is she standing by the wall behind me crying? Or can she not feel anything either?_

_I wonder what she thinks about the fact that Abby was the one responsible for all of this. And technically me, because I was born._

_That is, assuming that she even knows about Abby being the one._

_I mean, how could she not know? I feel like this is mainstream._

_Micheal had to have visited her too. Right?_

_2 minutes._

_Is this really happening?_

_Is this another hallucination?_

_1 minute._

_In exactly 45 seconds I will be walking into a room that holds the woman who cared for me my whole life when no one else did._

_35 seconds._

_My palms weren't even sweaty._

_28 seconds._

_The guard to my right looked strangely confused at my lack of emotion towards the painful event that is to come._

_20 seconds._

_Does she even want to see me?_

_15 seconds._

_10 seconds._

_9_

_8_

_7_

_6_

_5_

_4_

_3_

_2_

_1._

_"Unauthorised prisoner, you may see your mother now. You have exactly 5 minutes to say your goodbyes alone." A loud voice spoke from the intercom._

_Silence filled the room as everyone looked at me, expecting to see me run into the room and towards my mom with open arms sobbing. I bet they were surprised to see a stone-cold face._

_I sucked in a loud breath, half tempted to just run away. Maybe it would be better if I didn't see her at all._

_Or would I regret that later?_

_Sitting up from my chair the guard on my left undid my handcuffs, freeing me to go see her._

_And I did._

_I walked into the floating room calmly, surprised to see that true to their word, she was alone. No guards. Just me and her. And silence._

_"Mom." Was all I could mumble as I looked at the foreign women in front of me._

_Her head shot up at the sound of my voice, the chains she wore around her arms ringing in the process._

_Bags as dark as the moon's craters hung under her eyes, and her hair was matted into a messy mop on her head as if she hadn't taken the time to wash it in the first place._

_It felt foreign to see her like this._

_"Baby.." She breathed in a sharp breath of air, immediately holding out her arms for a sobbing hug in which she was the only one crying._

_I ran into her arms despite my emotionless state, wrapping my hands around her torso and into her hair tightly._

_Every single thing that I had planned on saying flew out of my head, the ability to communicate leaving at her touch. I hadn't seen her in weeks, there should be so many things I wanted to say. But nothing._

_I could feel her shoulders shaking in an ear-piercing sob that I was sure would be engraved in my brain forever._

_Her death would most likely be engraved in my brain forever._

_I hugged her tighter trying to comfort her the best I could even though normally she would be the one comforting me._

_"Mom it's okay. Everythings okay. Dont cry." I pleaded, my hand tangling in her already messy hair._

_I could feel her nod her head although she didn't stop, she only continued to sob more._

_"Im so sorry baby. So so so sorry. I just- I love you so much, you mean the world-" She started, but her own crying cut her off._

_"Shhh, shhh. I know. I love you too ma." I murmured softly into the crook of her neck._

_I had no idea where this sudden consoling nature that I was adopting came from but it was surprising me as much as it was most likely surprising her. It's just that so much has changed inside of me over the course of these weeks. I feel...older. Aged, because of the stress, the hallucinations, the lack of sleep. Because of so many things._

_I pulled away from the hug, looking at her crippling face with an emotionless expression. I still felt nothing._

_"Have you seen Raven yet?" I asked in a gravelly voice._

_She nodded her head no, quickly, her whole body swaying up and down as if to comfort herself. She looked so different from the last time I saw her it was hard to believe she was still my mom._

_"Have you?" She asked._

_I nodded my head solemnly hoping that Raven would get the chance to see her as I have._

_"Baby are you okay...you seem kinda...off." She shuddered, staring at my still expression like there was something terribly wrong about me._

_Am I okay? Really? Of course I'm not. Not that I can feel it._

_I almost didn't hear the question, too absorbed in the way her whole body moved like she was on the verge of losing her mind._

_"I'm fine." I gulped._

_We sat there for a moment staring at each other's foreign states with dread._

_Was this really the last time I'd get to talk to her? Was this really the last time she'd ever see me and me her? And she had to see me like_ **_this_ ** _of all things._

_Suddenly her hand reached up to cup my cheek sweetly and I found myself leaning into her warmth. Her slightly colder warmth._

_It was as if she was already dead. So cold and so...not mom._

_"You're so beautiful, baby." She looked into my eyes hollowly, still holding onto my cheek with one frail hand._

_I smiled slightly, only for her._

_All of this would be over soon. She would be over soon. My family would be over soon._

_I'll be left alone. I won't get to be with Raven, and I don't know who my father is._

_She pushed a few stray hairs back and behind my ear gently, a longing look in her eyes before retracting her hand away and up to her own neck where I could make out the small sliver of a necklace._

_I watched her struggle to take it off her neck, using every ounce of strength I had not to just reach up and do it myself. I hated seeing her like this. So...weak. Anybody could walk right on over her. A part of me wished that she could just be tougher. Try and run away from her certain death. Or at least not let people treat me and her this way. But it was a lost hope anyway. She'll be dead in the next 3 minutes._

_"I want you to have this." She croaked when she finally got the necklace off of her own neck._

_I looked at it in bewilderment wondering how I never noticed it before._

_It was plain like most things on Walden but had a touch of silver and it was shaped into a heart. A locket._

_"What is it?" I mumbled as she put it in my hands._

_She only looked at me expectantly and I realized that she wanted me to open it._

_I nodded my head slightly, opening the tiny locket in my hands as if it could explode. Perhaps whatever was in here could help me feel again..._

_When it popped open completely I could see what looked to be a picture. A dusty, out of shape one at that, but nonetheless I was able to clearly see what it was._

_The picture showed me as a baby, probably just being born, being held in my mother's arms. What was sad about the picture wasn't the fact that she looked so young and incapable of raising children, it wasn't the sad crying Raven in the background being held in a small cradle, it was my mother's smile._

_She was smiling at me as a newborn baby._

_Smiling as if she didn't know that having me alone was a crime. Smiling like she didn't know that if I were ever found, I would be the cause of her death._

_My thumb gently slided over the picture as if trying to get the dust off but really I was just trying to get a grasp on things._

_She was an innocent woman who didn't deserve to be killed._

_But they were killing her. The ark was killing her._

_I never really had a fondness for the ark but I didn't really hate it either. I'm deciding now that I do. I hate the ark and I hate everyone in it._

_When I looked back up at my frail mother in front of me sobbing all I saw was suffering._

_If I was going through this then who else on the ark is going through this? How many people have suffered at the hands of these cruel people we call_ **_leaders._ **

_I clutched the necklace in my hand tighter taking in a deep breath for the sake of staying sane._

_"I love you ma. I promise I will help others like you. I won't let anything bad happen to anyone else. I'm sorry it's too late for you, but it won't be for others. Your suffering won't go un-noticed. And I'll take care of Raven the best I can. We'll take care of each other." I exacted with a sort of...passion in my voice._

_My mother paused in front of me with a look I could only describe as uncertainty, but then she took my hands in hers and the uncertainty was replaced with a look of realisation._

_"And I have no doubt in my mind about that. You're gonna make the ark a better place honey, I just know it. You're such a...strong...independent girl that I truly believe has the power to change things around here for the future. You and your generation of peers will be the savior of our nation. Only you all have the power to make the ark a great place for all. And I say that with the utmost amount of proudness and certainty. I just want you to be careful okay? Don't get too caught up in it. Don't become the bad guy. You're the savior. The night in shining armor. But sometimes we humans forget that in order to make this a better place we start with not spreading hate. You cant fight hate with hate. So whatever you chose to do I fully support you and I know that you'll make me proud. If your anything like your father, you'll be smart about it. Which I know is what you are. Smart. My baby." My mother spoke, with tears streaming down her eyes as her words went on._

_As she said this I tried my hardest to let her words resonate with me. To feel them._

_But I'm afraid it wasn't working entirely because my head chose to ignore the parts about not spreading evil. I had a plan. A clear path ahead of me. And I would do whatever it takes to avenge her._

_Whatever it takes._

_"I love you ma. I love you so much." I began to fire out word after word as my eyes caught glimpse of the clock counting down our minutes with each other turning to one minute._

_She immediately embraced me in another hug and my muscles instantly reacted by wrapping my arms around her. The last embrace._

_"I love you too my honey. You and Raven. I love you both equally. Please tell Raven that I said that." She whispered lowly._

_Everything about this moment seemed perfectly sad. If that even makes sense._

_Everything clicked into place. The apples fell._

_A moment of clarity perhaps, although what for I'm not sure._

_It just felt nice to get closure._

_Then the doors to the closed-off room opened and the moment of clarity vanished replaced by my utmost hatred. Hatred for the ark._

_I let them pull me up from the ground and away from my mom easily allowing them to handcuff me for the sake of simplicity._

_My mom's face turned a bright shade of red as the guards started to lead me out the room and I realized I still had to say one more thing. Something I've been thinking about a lot recently in my weeks at the hospital alone._

_"Wait! Mom!" I shouted, struggling against the guard's grip._

_Her eyes turned from the guards to mine and I found myself yearning to get closer to her so I could tell her this but the guard's grip wouldn't budge. So I shouted it._

_"My name is Lori! My name is Lori! Lori Reyes! It's for you ma!" I shouted loudly, probably looking deranged to all of the people around me. But I didn't care. She had to know this. She had to die knowing that her daughter had a name._

_"I love it." I heard my mom say as the doors to her room closed in front of me and I was dragged out of it._

_Even as the doors closed I could still tell she had a smile on her face._

_Breathing heavily from everything that just happened I began to smile as well. Although the smile soon disappeared as the reality of what was about to happen next kicked it._

_It's time for her to be floated._

_And I have to watch._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow okay, that was a really hard chapter to write! lmao.
> 
> Um, so yeah that was sad.
> 
> I do hope you paid attention to some of the things her mom said and Lori said because it plays an important part in her character.
> 
> And what Micheal said!
> 
> If you remember correctly then you'll know that Micheal is the father....Lori just doesn't know it at this point in the flashbacks. The next chapter will be a short one but it will be one last flashback, although not last in the entire book.
> 
> Just a warning, the last chapter will be about her mother's death so...
> 
> yeah, I hope you liked this chapter ig and I'll see you in the next one!
> 
> Bye, my lovelies!


	15. ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟙𝟚- 𝕄𝕪 𝕗𝕒𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕪 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕓𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕖𝕟 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕤𝕠 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕞𝕪 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥 ✅

**Song for this chapter- Running Out by Hockey dad**

_"You only come up in my head when I'm uncomfortable  
I tell myself everyday, I don't need you at all  
You seem to change my stance on breathing everyday  
Life long happiness ain't enough for me to stay_

_I wish I didn't have half as much to do with you  
But then again who would I be without the shit I do?  
They always want me, she is her mother's daughter  
I grab the edge of the pool, but it's made of water_

_I know it's over now  
Can't leave it alone  
I know it's gone for now  
Feeling more alone_

_I know it's over now  
Can't leave it alone  
I know it's gone for now  
Feeling more alone_

_I can't keep running out  
Can't keep running out  
Can't keep running out  
Can't keep running out  
Can't keep running out  
Can't keep running out  
Can't keep getting you out_

_I heard you're still living in that same house  
I thought for sure you would be living elsewhere by now  
I bet the keys are hidden temporarily  
They're getting used by someone constantly, different to me_

_I know it's over now  
Can't leave it alone  
I know it's gone for now  
Feeling more alone_

_I know it's over now  
Can't leave it alone  
I know it's gone for now  
Feeling more alone_

_I can't keep running out  
Can't keep running out  
Can't keep running out (I know it's over now)  
Can't keep running out (Can't leave it alone)  
Can't keep running out (I know it's gone for now)  
Can't keep running out (Feeling more alone)  
Can't keep running out (I know it's over now)  
Can't keep running out (Can't leave it alone)  
Can't keep running out (I know it's gone for now)  
Can't keep running out (Feeling more alone)  
Can't keep running out  
Can't keep running out  
Can't keep running out  
Can't keep running out  
Can't keep running out  
Can't keep running out  
Can't keep running out  
Can't keep running out  
Can't keep getting you out"_

**TW- DEATH**

_The feeling of being alone is weirdly creeping up on me, and I can see it just around the corner._

_It's taunting me. Telling me that it's soon to come. That I'm next on its list._

_It's coming for me and I can't seem to get it off my back._

_Especially now that I'm in the situation that I'm in._

_So maybe I am feeling something. It was anxiousness before but now it's relief. I'm finally feeling things again. Even if the fact that my mother was about to be killed in front of me hasn't fully set in yet I think it will eventually. It has too. I mean, I'm already starting to feel the dim emotion of sadness flow through me. I wasn't sure whether to be happy that I'm starting to feel things again or not. On one hand, I won't look like a sociopath anymore. but on the other, it means that I'll actually have to feel my mother's death._

_My mothers about to die right in front of me, and Raven's not coming._

_I was informed of the news a couple of minutes ago and I didn't know what to think of it. I haven't seen Raven in what feels like forever and now come to find out that she's not even going to be here for the death of our mother?_

_She doesn't understand that I need her here. I need her here with me. I can't do this alone._

_Not only that, but I was aching to tell her about Abby. Was she with her right now?_

_That would make me angrier. If Raven was with Abby instead of our mom on her death day._

_At least I'm here. At least I care enough to do this._

_When they gave me the option of whether or not I wanted to be here for the floating I easily said yes. She's my mother. She might have left us before they found me on that night but I still love her. And I expected Raven to show the same amount of mutual respect but of course she doesn't. I should have known. Raven always did hate mom. All because of Abby._

_And maybe partly because of me._

_Mom never really paid attention to Raven as she did me. She wanted me to feel loved and not like a burden for being the second-born twin but she failed to notice the one thing that kept dividing her family. In the process of loving me, she forgot to love Raven just as much._

_And now this is happening. So maybe it's selfish of me to want Raven here after everything that's happened to her but I can't help it. It's how I feel._

_"You may take your seat." A tall guard that stood at the front of the room told me._

_Just me._

_Nobody else cared enough to come either._

_I sat down smoothly waiting for my mother to be brought out into the floating chamber._

_I had to be strong. I couldn't let her see me cry. It's clear she wanted me to grow up into a strong woman. She would hate to see me cry, she would feel bad. And I don't want her to see that before she dies._

_Sucking in a deep breath I smoothed out the pants I was wearing in an attempt to calm my erratic mind, but I'm sure you can imagine how much that helped. Not at all._

_"Wait!" Someone shouted, running into the room loudly._

_At first, I wanted to set the person on fire for disrupting the tranquility of it all but then I realized who it was._

_Micheal._

_I let out a shaky breath immediately getting up from where I sat to go greet him where he was asking a couple of guards to let him be here for the...ceremony._

_"Micheal!"I shouted, running up to him hastily._

_Someone was here. Someone cared._

_He turned around to face me and I almost smiled if not for the circumstances. He wasn't wearing his guards uniform anymore and instead he appeared to be wearing some sort of "funeral" attire. We don't call it a funeral on the ark but I know that's what they used to call it on earth. Before the cataclysm._

_"Hey, I'm...I'm here. I hope you don't mind. Your mother used to be a very good f-friend of mine." He fumbled slightly at the word friend but I didn't really care. Someone was here and that's all that mattered._

_He began to look around the room with furrowed brows as if looking for someone before he began to realize that whoever he was looking for wasn't here._

_"Where's your sister?" Micheal asked casually._

_I shrugged my shoulders._

_"It seems she's too scared to show. It's just me now. Well... me and you now that your here." I said softly trying not to seem to butthurt about it._

_Micheal nodded his head slowly coming to terms with the fact that one of the mother's daughters wasn't here to see the tragicness of it all._

_"That's good. That's good. Probably better like this anyway." Micheal mumbled in a low whisper tone and I thought that maybe I wasn't supposed to hear that, so I ignored it._

_The guard at the front cleared his throat loudly again and I rolled my eyes._

_"Please take your seats," he stated again, this time more sternly._

_Micheal looked to me before beginning to walk over to two seats in the middle of the room where we could sit next to each other civilly. A part of me wondered how he knew my mom. I feel like Micheal would have been brought up in some of the many stories mother used to tell me about her life but I have heard no mention of the name. Did something happen between them?_

_I sat down on the right side of Michael gripping the edge of my seat tightly in anticipation._

_"Please bring the prisoner out." An authoritative voice commanded although I didn't care to see who it had come from._

_Prisoner? Really? She has a name._

_Nonetheless, I watched as two men slightly older than Micheal himself came walking into the floating chamber with mom in hand who seemed to be painfully tired. Probably deeply malnourished. I didn't want to imagine how little food they gave her during the trial._

_The guards deposited my helpless mom into the chamber and then left so that they too wouldn't be floated into Outerspace. Cowards._

_"Prisoner Lauren Reyes. You have been charged with execution for the crime of having a second-born child and for the crime of hiding her. These heinous acts won't go unnoticed by my fellow leaders on the ark and so let your death be a reminder to all that our justice system still works fairly." The man spoke again and that's when I noticed exactly who that man was. Kane._

_Chancellor Kane._

_My back straightened instantly and a deep scowl made its way to my face out of reflex. Well, now I know who's next on my list for people I hate. People I want to suffer. Number one is obviously Abby. And number two...well I'm sure you can all guess who that is. Kane._

_My mother looked up from where she had been looking down at the ground and her eyes first landed on me. I hadn't known what I expected to see on her face but it certainly wasn't fear. I always got the impression that my mother wasn't one of those people who was scared of dying. But nope. Here she was on her deathbed looking scared as heck. That scared me. I hated that my mother was scared of this. I don't want that to be the last emotion she ever feels._

_Her eyes next landed on Micheal and she seemed shocked to see him at first but then her wide eyes slowly lit up and the faintest smile appeared on her lips. Okay now I really, really want to know how she knows him._

_My stomach fell to the bottom of the floor when I saw her look around for Raven. I knew this would happen. Was it really that hard to just show up?_

_She frowned and looked to me in question and I knew I had to say something. Anything that made Raven sound better. Maybe I'll say she couldn't make it._

_"Raven can't make it. She's being held back for some reason. But she wanted me to tell you that she loves you." I loudly stated, hoping that my mother could hear me between the glass window. It was a lie obviously but my mother seemed to believe it because she started to nod her head solemnly. Slowly coming to terms with the fact that Raven couldn't be here. But_ **_I_ ** _knew it was because she_ **_wouldn't_ ** _be here._

_"Lauren Reyes is there anything you would like to say before we continue with the execution process?" Kane asked nonchalantly as if he had better things to do. My mother's death means nothing to him._

_She cleared her throat meekly, the sound of her chains rattling as she scratched her head evident even through the glass doors that separated us._

_Here comes the waterworks. Oh, how I wish I was back to not feeling things._

_"Lori," She began. My bottom lip immediately began to quiver as she said my name. Maybe I had been feeling things underneath the surface all this time. My mind just hadn't wanted me to know it. Which sucks because now I'm feeling it all. All the grief, pain, sadness, aloneness, anxiety. It was all there. And it always had been._

_"What a beautiful name. I'm so happy that I chose to keep you that night you were born. People were telling me left and right that I should have given you up, but I never listened. And I'm so glad that I didn't. Because then I wouldn't have gotten to experience the joys of being a mother to you." My mother continued, a few tears slipping out of her eyes as she spoke._

_I tried my best not to cry. Not to show her my weakness. Not to show_ **_anyone_ ** _my weakness. But I was too exhausted. Too much pain. And every single emotion was hitting me like a monster truck all the while my mother was delivering the most perfectly sad speech._

_"Your sweet smiles. The way your face lights up when I offer to tell you a story. So sweet. So innocent. You deserve nothing but the world and I wish I could be here to see you grow up into a grown woman but sadly that's not in the cards for us. It never was." She had a hard time getting the words out because of her cries but I could still hear every word she said in perfect clarity._

_I shoved my face into my hands pathetically, trying to avoid the stares of the people around me so that they couldn't see my crying. But it was an obviously helpless attempt because they could still see my shoulders shaking up and down in a blood-curdling sob. They could still see the way my face was a terrible shade of red from beneath my hands. They could see everything about me just by the way I moved and I hated it._

_"I will be watching from up above though. From wherever I go after death. I'll see everything from your first real friend to your first fake friend. From your first boyfriend to your last. I just won't be able to say anything to you about it. But I love you and I support you through every step of the way. Whatever you chose I'll be by your side in the afterlife. Things will be tough after this. But you'll get through it. You're a strong girl. I have nothing but faith in you." My mother spoke slowly making sure I heard every word even when she herself was sobbing._

_Wiping the hot tears that continued to slip out of my eyes onto my arm I began to look back up at her with my sad eyes. My mother used to always tell me that I had what she called_ **_sad eyes._ ** _She said that her whole family got them and it was actually quite a lovely thing. The reason they were called sad eyes was because, well, they looked sad. I never really thought that I had sad eyes despite what she told me. Raven definitely did though._

_Now as she looked at my sad eyes I wondered what she was thinking. Did she still think they looked lovely?_

_"I love you, Lori Reyes. And I love Raven too." My mother said slightly softer._

_"I love you too ma," I mumbled under my heavy sobs, knowing that she could hear me._

_She continued to stare at me for a couple of seconds before looking over to Michael. I didn't even care to find out how she knew him anymore. That last speech was pure hell for me. Why would I want to hear the one she had for Micheal?_

_I continued to cry into my hands horrifically hearing little things from what mom was saying to Micheal every now and then. I heard the words "take care of them" come up quite often and I had the sneaking suspicion about something that probably sounded utterly absurd. So absurd that I didn't really even want to think about it._

_Could Micheal be...- NO!_

_I can't think about that right now. I don't have the mental capacity for that._

_I felt large hands wrap around my shoulders and pull me into a slightly odd but comforting side hug and knew instantly that it was the man in question. Does Micheal feel the same way I do about her? Did he know her well enough to be as distraught?_

_I silently looked up at Micheal with tears still in my eyes as I leaned into the hug. He looked...somewhat sad. I could tell that he had probably been working as a guard for many years because of the fact that the night he came to visit me, he had told me he was supposed to be with the chancellor. And I've seen enough guards in my time at the hospital to know that they all had some kind of training in keeping their facial expressions perfectly still and unreadable. Of course, there are some things you can't just_ **_not_ ** _show, one of those things being grief, which is probably why I could see the sadness leaking onto his face slightly. Although he definitely still tried to keep his normal guard face._

_"I promise I will," Micheal said to my mother, the sentence making its way to my ears again as if I hadn't just been blocking out everything they were saying to one another._

_That appeared to be the end of their conversation because when I looked at my mother again she seemed satisfied, though not making eye contact with either of us._

_Then I realized just what that meant._ **_She was done._ ** _She had said everything she wanted to say and now it was time for the original events to take place._

_I squeezed my eyes shut, tightly. So tightly that when I eventually opened them back up all I could see was black spots for a few moments._

_I wished I had more time with her. Five years wasn't enough. 10 years wouldn't even be enough. You could give me a whole lifetime with her and it still would never be enough because she's my mother. She was the one that raised me into the person I am today and I wished she could see the person I am tomorrow because lord knows how much I'll change._

_I may have only been just a portion of her life but she was_ **_all_ ** _of my life. Every single day so far that I've spent alive, she has been there. She deserves more than this. She deserves more than to be floated into outer space like an invaluable piece of junk. She has gone through more than anyone in this room I can guarantee it._

_Is this really where her story ends? Is this really_ **_how_ ** _her story ends?_

_It physically pains me to think about waking up one morning and not being able to talk to her. I can't call her if I need advice. I can't wake her up in the middle of the night when I'm scared and need to be calmed down._

_Because guess what? After this, I have to live without her. I have to live without my family._

_I have absolutely zero options. I will have_ **_no_ ** _family._

_I mean sure, I have Raven but something tells me I won't be seeing much of her. I'll have no one._

_And that all happens when they pull down the lever._

_"It'll be okay." I heard Micheal mumble beside me, although I had a hard time hearing him over the loud sobs that continued to escape my mouth._

_I wished I could believe him. I wished that there was even a slither of a chance that things would get better from here but I knew they wouldn't. Everything from here goes downhill. I was cursed for a lifetime of eternal hopelessness._

_"Prisoner Lauren Reyes," Kane started._

_My breath hitched and I looked up from where I sat worriedly searching the room. How was time moving so fast?_

_"We thank you for your time alive and hope to see you again in the afterlife. Your sacrifices will never be forgotten in the eyes of all of those who love you. But I am afraid it is your time. May we meet again." Kane spoke._

_Everyone in the room bowed their heads quietly and I heard a small chorus of "may we meet again"'s spoken from everyone's lips. Even the ones that didn't know her._

_I would have thought that this gesture was sweet if not for the fact that as they said this I could visibly see the guard's hand on the kill lever. That's all it took. Just one push of it and anyone who was in the chamber's life would be over. In this case, it's my moms._

_"NO!" I screamed horrifically._

_But it was too late._

_Right as I jumped out of the chair and towards the lever it was pushed._

_And she was dead._

_All it took was one push of a lever to completely tear my heart into two._

_After that most things were a blur. I couldn't hear what anyone was saying around me but it must have been pretty bad because it appeared they were yelling at me, trying to get me to calm down. I couldn't feel my feet moving but I could see them running down the hall and towards the room I knew all too well. The hiding place I knew all too well._

_But then I could feel one thing._

_Electricity._

_Electricity shot through my back and down my spine, hitting every nerve on my entire body like a lightning bolt. I screamed again, hurting the back of my throat in the process as I fell to the ground._

_I couldn't move as they picked me up. Couldn't move as they took me towards my new life. My_ **_doomed_ ** _life._

_As they carried me towards wherever I saw a familiar face staring from down the hall. I knew it was Micheal before I even heard his voice._

_"I'll come back for you Lori! I promise!" He shouted._

_Tears spilled out of my eyes while they carried me further and further away from him. I had no other choice but to trust him. He was the only person I really had in my life as of now._

_Other than that I was alone._

_My family was broken, and so was my heart._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I might have to re-write this later just because I feel like it was bad writing but I feel confident enough to post it now. Please tell me what you think of it in the comments.
> 
> The next chapter will be a normal chapter. I repeat THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE A NORMAL PRESENT DAY CHAPTER.
> 
> Anyways, that all.
> 
> Goodbye, my lovelies!
> 
> Until next time <3


End file.
